Hello everyone!

G

Goldielocks

New member
Hi there!
I am a bit nervous about posting, but wanted to introduce myself to you (please excuse me if I ramble a bit).

Okay, so a little bit about me. You can call me Goldie or 'N'. I've been happily and passionately married for over 20 years to 'T'. We have 2 wonderful teen aged sons that are about as quirky as we are. Up until this past December, I was a stay at home mom and worked at a school less than part time. I'm usually a pretty bubbly dork and love to laugh (even in the dark places). I have a snarky and pretty twisted sense of humor. It is almost impossible to offend me. Oh and I can make friends standing in line at the grocery store!

About 4 years ago we kind of tripped and fell into swinging (gasp!). No, I honestly didn't think people did "that" anymore...boy was I wrong! I also discovered that I am bisexual (who knew?!). We had many hot and fun times and still are involved in the LS (Lifestyle-LS-another way of saying swinger). Made a lot of very good friends there, the kind you hang out with and enjoy the company of.

A little over a year ago, we met a beautiful and wonderfully enchanting single lady, we can call her 'A'. With in a few months of hanging out with A (truth be told, we spent every free moment together), T and I discovered that we both had fallen in love with her. When we discussed this with her, she shared that she had fallen in love with both of us as well. A has been in poly relationships in the past and upon reflection, we felt that we are more wired for poly than for the casual NSA stuff the LS offers. So, we became a triad. Even made a cute name for ourselves. There are more details, and some funky bumps on my road, but that's the gist of it thus far.

Feel free to ask me questions or inquire for more details. I'm a pretty open book. Once I get the hang of this website, I will try and post a question or two and ask for advice, but this is about introductions, so I'll wait.

Thanks for reading this and have a wonderful rest of the day!

Goldielocks
 
Greetings Goldie,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Sounds like you have a lovely MFF triad configuration, lots of people want that but few attain it ... so I'm happy for the three of you. I'll try to keep an eye out for your future posts.

Does A live with you? Do you have long-term plans with her? Just curious.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
Thank you!

Hi and thank you for the warm welcome Kevin! To answer your question (not sure how to post a quote just yet...so not forum/tech savvy), No, we do not live with A. Our future plans with her are...ummm...well, when we love someone it is forever so...but we are just taking it day by day right now. Our situation is complicated with family and kids and jobs and school and whatnot so taking it slowly seems to us to be the best course of action at the moment. But that does not stop us from thinking about it, fantasizing even. I do envision us all living together at one point.

I am excited to be here and a part of this community, so thank you for asking and I look forward to hearing more questions and opinions and advice as this journey we are on continues. (Gah! PLEASE tell me if I'm being a dork or silly or talking too much...seriously)

Goldie :)
 
Hi Goldie, and welcome.

It sounds like things are good and happy between the three of you, so that's great! Do your kids know about this woman being someone you both love ("romantically")? If not, how does it feel to contemplate telling them?
 
As far as I can tell you're doing fine. Like you said, it's all about taking it one day at a time.

Does A live close by?
 
Welcome! I would suggest giving your partners nicknames. Letters are difficult to follow.
 
River said:
Do your kids know about this woman being someone you both love ("romantically")? If not, how does it feel to contemplate telling them?
Click to expand...

Hi River! Wow, those are excellent and tricky questions. No, our boys do not know the depth our relationship with A. We don't have many friends, but the ones we do have are extremely close and more like family to us, in other words, we would take a bullet for someone we consider a 'Friend'. They know and understand this about us, so when A began hanging out at our house, they openly assumed the same about her (and rightly so). They both enjoy her being here and actively engage her in conversation. I have opened a dialogue with them about her (as in, I talked to them about her being at our house so often and why...that's another story, and not mine to tell...and that we really do care about and love her and enjoy her company). Since this is not the first time they have seen us give so much of ourselves to a friend (albeit she is WAY more than just that), they do not question it, but the option for them to discuss it with us further and in more detail is out there. Based upon their comments about her and their behavior when she is around, I think they both simply accept her presence and, perhaps naively, I assume they don't think much more about it than that.

But to tell them about us in explicit detail? Oh boy! That's a tough one for me! Not only would we be coming out to them as poly (which would be complicated and difficult in an of itself), but for me there is more to it than just that. Not only would they know their parents were both in love with another person (emotionally, romantically and physically), BUT that their own mother was bisexual? Not sure I am ready for that! I am not ashamed, but I am not sure how they will take it just yet. And I am not convinced it is any of their business. It's a common saying among the other moms I know, "Boys do NOT want to know anything sexual about their mothers!!!" (And T totally agrees with this sentiment)

Thank you for asking, that is a question I ask myself often and welcome the opportunity to discuss it more openly.

-Goldie
 
Bluebird said:
I would suggest giving your partners nicknames. Letters are difficult to follow.
Click to expand...

Oh I totally agree (I do love good nicknames)! I am working on that. Any suggestions? I seem to be kind of stuck...maybe I have writers block?

Goldie (my personal favorite nickname for myself is Legs McMilf...)
 
When coming out to kids, I recommend keeping it factual, and easy: In our world, a guy can love a girl and get married. However, a guy can also love another guy, and get married. The same thing for girls - two can love each other, and get married. Isn't that great? You get to choose who you want to love. Some guys and girls actually love more than one person - you can have a guy who loves both a guy and a girl, or a guy who loves 2 guys. Or a girl who loves both a guy and a girl and another girl. You probably don't know many people like that, but it is really possible. Our world is pretty wonderful. Then let them run off and think about that for a day or so, and then if they don't mention it again, bring it up - remember when I told you that you can love who ever you want? What do you think about it?

This should be an ongoing dialogue with children as they grow. You don't have to spring poly on them all at once, or your bisexuality. But if they see that it is no big deal, then it will be.
 
Goldielocks said:
Oh I totally agree (I do love good nicknames)! I am working on that. Any suggestions? I seem to be kind of stuck...maybe I have writers block?
Click to expand...

Hi Goldielocks, welcome to the forum!

I was thinking about this because my former partner thought I was good at naming things. During a down time this morning I started brainstorming about something else, then I thought about "things that begin with the letter A!" "Things that remind me of Las Vegas!" So I remembered that the last time I was in Vegas I couldn't sleep so I watched the sun rise over the desert, and it was very pretty.

And the way my mind works, I connected that image and the Latin word for dawn, which is Aurora. Maybe that name doesn't fit. But you know her better than we do.

So, welcome to the board and I hope you find what you need here!

(Oh and by the way, Bluebird, I am guilty of this too. I'll next brainstorm on what to call our former partner "K" and her husband "E".)
 
Welcome Goldilocks!

Your relationship with A sounds wonderful! I'd also not know how to open up the discussion with kids, but I like the idea of it being an ongoing discussion.

Since the poly concept is fairly new to me (as is my potential bisexuality) I've started discussing the concepts with my oldest son. He has never even seen a same-sex relationship up close so I've started with chatting about that.

I nearly cried with joy when he said matter of factly that it makes perfect sense that people can love different people because love is based on your heart, which doesn't see shape, form or gender. Then he went to play.

So yes, an ongoing conversation seems to make the most sense as opposed to sitting them down and making it a formal thing to come out to them.

All the best.
 
OnceAndFuture said:
And the way my mind works, I connected that image and the Latin word for dawn, which is Aurora. Maybe that name doesn't fit. But you know her better than we do.
Click to expand...

Oh I like that! You are good at nicknames! For 'A', I was thinking Ant because she's petite and tiny and ridiculously strong! For 'T' I was thinking either Tall because he's super tall...or Titan :rolleyes: because I'm a dork...or TDH because he is Tall, Dark and Handsome (yeah, I'm that kind of dork).

Thank you for the suggestion, keep them coming!
 
A = Awesome
T = Tremendous

:) How's that?
 
Holy moly Goldie!!

So many commons. I also have 2 teenage sons. Also am geeky/dorky, also optimistic even in dark times, also outgoing enough to make friends at the grocery store. Bisexual? Yep. Basically think my boys don't want any details about my sex life? Pretty much.

HI! :)

By the time I started doing poly things and had another woman in my life for the first time in a bajillion years (and for the first time during my sons' lifetimes) we'd had some conversations about variation on sexuality, issues of gay marriage, etc. I'd told them that I had been with other females before, a long time ago, and that it's just no big deal. Love for another person is much more than what's in their pants or under their skirts. We'd operated on essentially that platform of acceptance, because at one point it was all the thing of gamer kids to call lame things "gay" and I wanted to take them to task on this...and I did.

So the groundwork was there. And it has been my stance to tell my boys, who have met my quad, that "I am in loving relationships with these people. It is called polyamory. I do not intend to live with or marry any of them, none of them are going to become extra parents to you, but I think you will enjoy spending time with them and I expect you to treat them with respect, because they deserve it. I will go into no further detail because I assume you don't want to hear anything about my sex life...but if you ever do have questions, please don't hesitate to ask me."

They agree that no, thank you, they would rather not hear any details, and the rest they are A-OK with.

I'm also involved in "the lifestyle" but in my case it's the BDSM scene, not the swinger scene. Around here, that means different Saturdays at the same clubs, for the most part, but we don't see a lot of crossover between them. Is it like that in Vegas, too?
 
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