Vixtoria
New member
Okay so I'm not so sure about this but thought I'd ask for some outside views to maybe figure things out. DH and I have been together for 23 years, just celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary. BF and I have been together 8 years, 9 this August. BF and I are mostly long distance but in contact pretty much every day, most of the day. DH and BF have met, the kids and BF have met, everyone is really cool. We had BF over for Thanksgiving, he stayed here in the house with everyone, it's all good.
Now here's where it got weird. He mentions this girl at work that wants to set him up on a date. I tell him to go for it! He tells me it didn't go well and I don't hear about it again. Now, the big thing we have all agreed on is honesty and keeping each other up to date. I don't care, date whatever, just let me know what is up!
So I ask one day, how it's going with a new job and if the girl he mentioned flirting has asked him out or if he's asked her out. He tells me, "About that. Remember the girl that set me up awhile ago? Well her and her BF broke up and we've been hanging out."
Ooookay. So more talking and I get that their hanging out is serious, he's falling or her! Okay awesome. How's it going, what do you think, gonna ask her out, or just keep it casual? He doesn't know. Then, because he and the kids are all friends on FB I find out he's posting a lot about her and pics and blah blah blah. Cool, we are all happy, hoping it goes well and he's happy. Then he asks me to check out her FB page to get my opinion about her.
BRAKES! She doesn't know about me yet. Also, why according to HER FB are you guys BF and GF and have been for SIX MONTHS???
He explains how this is new to him and blah blah blah. We talk and I explain about keeping me in the loop. That I don't CARE that he's dating, I'm happy for him! Just let me know what's up! Is there sex involved, has everyone been tested, are we following safe sex rules as he and I have JUST become fluid bonded after years and we have boundaries up as far as safe sex and a new sex partner.
They break up. He is HEARTBROKEN. I'm doing what I can to be there for him, trying to make him feel better. It's hours on the phone of him crying, he's hit hard. Fast forward a couple of weeks and he tells me BTW, I got hit by a car!! I'm just finding out days later. Why? Well because she found out and went to the hospital, she made a mistake we should get back together. Blah blah blah.
Now I ask, are you back together? He doesn't know, they need to talk. Now he and I talk regularly so every once in a while I ask, have you talked to her yet? I know you are upset about how things went down and you need to be honest with her. Nope not yet. He's thinking on it. So I stop asking.
Flash forward again a couple of weeks. He wants to know how I feel about a purity ceremony. I ask what he means. It seems he and the girl ARE back together. She never had his faith, he's very christian, which is fine, I'm not and it's fine. But she's been going to church with him now twice a week. She wants to do a purity ceremony with him. Her idea. Now, she's still not aware of our relationship completely but she has an idea. So her idea is that he and she should go through this ceremony where they will not have sex, or watch porn, or have lustful thoughts, until they are married.
DH is concerned, he sees this as a train wreck and is worried for both BF and I getting stuck with this blowing up. My thing is, I feel like he's just made a choice. That he's trying to hang onto me, but he refuses to keep me up to date on what the hell is going on. He's not telling her about me, and he's choosing to not have any sexual, lustful or intimate conversation, or actions with me so he can go be pure with her.
I'm an idiot right?
Now here's where it got weird. He mentions this girl at work that wants to set him up on a date. I tell him to go for it! He tells me it didn't go well and I don't hear about it again. Now, the big thing we have all agreed on is honesty and keeping each other up to date. I don't care, date whatever, just let me know what is up!
So I ask one day, how it's going with a new job and if the girl he mentioned flirting has asked him out or if he's asked her out. He tells me, "About that. Remember the girl that set me up awhile ago? Well her and her BF broke up and we've been hanging out."
Ooookay. So more talking and I get that their hanging out is serious, he's falling or her! Okay awesome. How's it going, what do you think, gonna ask her out, or just keep it casual? He doesn't know. Then, because he and the kids are all friends on FB I find out he's posting a lot about her and pics and blah blah blah. Cool, we are all happy, hoping it goes well and he's happy. Then he asks me to check out her FB page to get my opinion about her.
BRAKES! She doesn't know about me yet. Also, why according to HER FB are you guys BF and GF and have been for SIX MONTHS???
He explains how this is new to him and blah blah blah. We talk and I explain about keeping me in the loop. That I don't CARE that he's dating, I'm happy for him! Just let me know what's up! Is there sex involved, has everyone been tested, are we following safe sex rules as he and I have JUST become fluid bonded after years and we have boundaries up as far as safe sex and a new sex partner.
They break up. He is HEARTBROKEN. I'm doing what I can to be there for him, trying to make him feel better. It's hours on the phone of him crying, he's hit hard. Fast forward a couple of weeks and he tells me BTW, I got hit by a car!! I'm just finding out days later. Why? Well because she found out and went to the hospital, she made a mistake we should get back together. Blah blah blah.
Now I ask, are you back together? He doesn't know, they need to talk. Now he and I talk regularly so every once in a while I ask, have you talked to her yet? I know you are upset about how things went down and you need to be honest with her. Nope not yet. He's thinking on it. So I stop asking.
Flash forward again a couple of weeks. He wants to know how I feel about a purity ceremony. I ask what he means. It seems he and the girl ARE back together. She never had his faith, he's very christian, which is fine, I'm not and it's fine. But she's been going to church with him now twice a week. She wants to do a purity ceremony with him. Her idea. Now, she's still not aware of our relationship completely but she has an idea. So her idea is that he and she should go through this ceremony where they will not have sex, or watch porn, or have lustful thoughts, until they are married.
DH is concerned, he sees this as a train wreck and is worried for both BF and I getting stuck with this blowing up. My thing is, I feel like he's just made a choice. That he's trying to hang onto me, but he refuses to keep me up to date on what the hell is going on. He's not telling her about me, and he's choosing to not have any sexual, lustful or intimate conversation, or actions with me so he can go be pure with her.
I'm an idiot right?