Be IN the moment with your partner and don't worry about anything else.
Thank you for this. I explained to her that even if we do similar things, the experience can be entirely different because my dynamics with each person varies.
If something is fun, it's fun. I wouldn't want to limit my partners just because I'm not a part of it. I may have a stab of envy when they go do it with someone else (or by themselves), but I'll get over it and be happy that they get to do something enjoyable.
I think maybe this is what she was experiencing, "a stab of envy." It was momentary because after reading these responses, I approached the topic again and she ended up wishing me well and hoping we had a good time.
I would think it very cool that someone liked something that was my idea so much that they would want to share it with someone else.
I actually used this logic with her in hopes that it would make her feel better. Not word for word of course, but I told her it was a really good idea and that she should feel good that I got inspiration from her idea. So thank you for this!
Hi himherandme,
I know I'm being logical, while your girlfriend is coming from an emotional place, but with all due respect I think she should curb her emotions about this issue. A relationship can be perfectly special without exclusive rights to this or that kind of date.
My 2¢,
Kevin T.
I agree, I don't think there would ever be much of a relationship if she had "dibs" on certain places. Thank God we don't live in a small town!
For example real has taken us to the same winery/bnb. But they go on the romantic couples thingies with couple massages and candles because that's her thing. When we go it's for the local music fest. Because that's my thing. Not that we are restricted from the other, but more that the experience is planned for each person.
I like this. Even if you all went to the same exact bnb, each experience was vastly different because it was tailored to the individual instead of being exactly the same for the both of you. I can definitely appreciate that. Thank you!
I mean it's one thing if someone plans out a multi-location date where every place has special meaning, is chosen specifically for me because of something in our mutual history... and then I go take someone else on a date to the same set of locations. That would just be weird. But I wouldn't do that, because those places wouldn't be meaningful to the other person.
Yes, I would never do that, especially if the date was meaningful for both me and her. But if it's a really good restaurant or something really interesting I think they both would enjoy, I don't see the harm in that.
I sometimes see the same movie multiple times. Yesterday I saw 10 Cloverfield Lane with WarMan, and I am going to see it again tonight with PunkRock and DarkKnight together. We'd run out of restaurants if everyone called "MINE!" lol
Exactly!!! I think even in monogamous relationships, that would be impossible. "Don't take me anywhere you've taken your exes." It just wouldn't work. BTW...how was 10 Cloverfield?! I've been dying to see it!
It's not really recycling if it's with a different person, if you think about it. The dynamic I have with one person is unique and not like what I have with another, so the experience is very different.
It was quite childish for her to say that to you, especially because she was totally fine taking her hubs to do something she did with you. If I were you, I'd bring it up and ask why she has a double standard.
I completely understand what you mean about dynamics. I think once we dove deeper into the issue, she could see where I was coming from and acknowledged that it was an unrealistic expectation.
There's only so many "favorite" restaurants (or whatever) that I have, & choosing one is often a spur-of-the-moment thing, so somehow dividing the list up between my lovers & friends just seems like a logistic trainwreck, at best.
And does the degree of sexual closeness we have / used to have / might have someday / will never have somehow determine whether I'm allowed to indulge in a particular activity...?
Now, when I make a date to check out a new restaurant or a current movie or a gallery opening, & that person "accidentally" goes with someone else a day or two before, then I reserve the right to ask some pointed questions.
I agree with all points. It would definitely be a headache trying to navigate between those logistics. I only have two relationships, so think how restrictive that would be if I was with more people! Luckily, she understood without too much conflict. Hopefully, it won't come up again.
I, of course, wouldn't do something with one a couple of days after doing something with the other. That's just out of simple respect. I try to give it a substantial amount of time before "recycling" so it doesn't take away from the "originator" of the idea.
