SoLOverlord
New member
So a few days ago my wife and I confessed to someone (Lets call her Anna) that we really liked them and wanted to enter into a polyamorous relationship. I did tell ‘Anna’ that I do love her which I know can scare some people. Some background on Anna is that she lives out of state and will be leaving soon. We were both super nervous and the confession came out a bit garbled. Anna is a childhood friend of my wife and I was hoping to test the waters and go out on some trial dates with her to see if it would be a good fit. I did not express myself in a the way I had planned because Anna is very busy and has very few moments of free time.
Anna was completely caught off guard by the confession (her jaw literally dropped) and told us that she had her suspicions about our intent (her exact words was ‘That she knows more than we think she knows’ and said that she would like to discuss it over lunch some time this week. She then quickly left. I know we screwed up big time with our timing and the execution was atrocious. We have been trying to meet with her for over a month and tell her but nothing ever worked out. I was beginning to lose sleep from the stress of not being able to tell her. We had tried to arrange something sooner but her plans would abruptly change at the last minute.
My concern is what to say/do next. Should I just wait for Anna to respond and contact us when she is ready or should I try to contact her at some point in the near future (a week or two). If I get to talk to her next should we try to reexplain the proposal and clarify our intentions of what this relationship and the boundaries would entail? I feel that maybe she interpreted what we requested as more of a sexual partner (or a fling) than one that would start off emotional and build from there. It’s no our intention to hurt her but we feel that I have wounded her gravely.
I understand that a proposal to someone like means she has many things to think about and we didn't do the best at conveying our intentions. She does live out of state which adds another level of complexity to this. There is also the social stigma that comes along with this, I know that many people would see this as Cheating or Swinging but we wanted this to be a wholesome loving relationship. I also understand that Anna may not be interested in a relationship.
None of this is meant to be an excuse. I know I screwed up and I don't want to lose her as a friend. I rushed this because I knew that if I didn't say it then, I may never have gotten a chance to do so.
Thank you for any advice or guidance that you could provide.
Anna was completely caught off guard by the confession (her jaw literally dropped) and told us that she had her suspicions about our intent (her exact words was ‘That she knows more than we think she knows’ and said that she would like to discuss it over lunch some time this week. She then quickly left. I know we screwed up big time with our timing and the execution was atrocious. We have been trying to meet with her for over a month and tell her but nothing ever worked out. I was beginning to lose sleep from the stress of not being able to tell her. We had tried to arrange something sooner but her plans would abruptly change at the last minute.
My concern is what to say/do next. Should I just wait for Anna to respond and contact us when she is ready or should I try to contact her at some point in the near future (a week or two). If I get to talk to her next should we try to reexplain the proposal and clarify our intentions of what this relationship and the boundaries would entail? I feel that maybe she interpreted what we requested as more of a sexual partner (or a fling) than one that would start off emotional and build from there. It’s no our intention to hurt her but we feel that I have wounded her gravely.
I understand that a proposal to someone like means she has many things to think about and we didn't do the best at conveying our intentions. She does live out of state which adds another level of complexity to this. There is also the social stigma that comes along with this, I know that many people would see this as Cheating or Swinging but we wanted this to be a wholesome loving relationship. I also understand that Anna may not be interested in a relationship.
None of this is meant to be an excuse. I know I screwed up and I don't want to lose her as a friend. I rushed this because I knew that if I didn't say it then, I may never have gotten a chance to do so.
Thank you for any advice or guidance that you could provide.