I've been watching a lot of videos by Mooji and Ask A Monk on non-attachment in sexual + romantic relationships. The videos are very helpful,
I don't know much about this Mooji person, but I will say that I was always a bit skeptical about gurus of every stripe, and now I'm even more so. I have no attraction to those who set themselves up as gurus. There are some good teachers of "spiritual" and psychological wisdom, but these generally take care not to appear at all like a guru. They will appear very ordinary -- and in most respects they are. But they have an unusual degree of self-development.
Those who are set up as gurus almost always enjoy having a person's idealized self image, or idealized parent image, projected upon them. Often with catastrophic results!
A good spiritual teacher not only doesn't enjoy this but very gently and perpetually acts to avoid its arising. A good spiritual teacher will help the student to learn and grow without seeming to be Way Above and Way Better than the student. The teacher and student will occupy the same plane together, without one being up on the mountain top and the other down in the valley. A good spiritual teacher may not even accept the role of "spiritual teacher" at all, and will simply be a friend.
Be cautious of gurus.
... and I'm hoping some tweaks to my daily meditation practice will allow me to not need love, warmth, kindness, etc, from others so much.
Folks in this forum thread (even you at times) seemed to me to pay overly much attention to the part of your story which focuses on a particular sex act, or position, and too little attention to the general pattern of relating you describe with your partner. In particular, I have in mind the pattern you describe in which she seldom offers empathetic responses to you. I think this is more likely at the core of your challenge -- this basic trend in which you want to be treated with empathy, warmth, kindness and you're not getting what you want or need here.
Now you've just said you're wanting to change so you don't need this kind or quality of relating so much. But why? So it isn't so painful when you're not experiencing empathy, etc.? This concerns me, because I think it is a perfectly healthy and natural desire and need. I think it is good that you want to be treated in this way, not bad, not something to be gotten rid of
as if you are a problem for having this frustrated desire or need. (I tend to think of empathic rapport as a basic and universal human psychological
need, and not merely a personal desire.)
I do not subscribe to the "philosophy" which makes desire into a bad thing, a problem to be solved. (This is a problem I have with certain takes on certain schools of Buddhism, for example.) Desire, to me, is human. And to be a human and not to want to be a human is a very serious problem! So I think we should make friends with all of our basic human needs ... and embrace desire, generally. If our particular desires are causing ourselves and others a lot of trouble, we should examine these particular desires and see if we can make adjustments (a whole other topic -- the how of that). In my opinion, usually only narrowly selfish desires are ever problematic. That is, desires which
only take our own wants into account while disregarding others. These are the desires we may need to treat as "weeds" in our garden, because pursuit of such desires ultimately harm both others and ourselves.
Anyway, I think of your desire / need to have intimate connection and empathic rapport as the simple recognition of a very basic human need. If you're not getting that with your partner, you may have to go elsewhere to have it. But most importantly, I think, you need to believe that you are worthy of that kind of relational experience. If you doubt you are worthy of it, when you're not having that experience your very desire for it may seem to you to be the root of the problem -- which is what you have just said you have done with it.
A lot of the "Eastern traditions" of spirituality, religion, philosophy... (and it's not just in the
East!) tend to strongly emphasize "Transcendence" with a capital T. Pursuit of such Transcendence almost always results in
spiritual bypassing.
Also common in "spiritual circles" is the tendency to get caught up in pursuit of what psychologists call an "idealized self-image". The idealized self-image is a picture of the sort of person we think we ought to be, by which we make comparisons with the sort of person we really are. The gap can be particularly big and painful if we don't basically accept and appreciate ourselves as we are. And the idealized self-image can stand as a kind of accusation about how "terrible" and "unworthy" we are. This gap becomes all the wider and more problematic when our idealized self image is the portrait of a person without needs, desires, wants ... a person who floats in the clouds above everything in some shaky and inhuman form of capital T Transcendence. In this situation, our very humanness itself is an accusation of unworthiness, insufficiency, inadequacy. Under this spell we can only be miserable -- or phoney, fake, self-deluded. To be human is to have needs and wants, etc. It is also to be "imperfect". (Or perfectly imperfect.)
I'm not saying this as one who holds no respect for so-called "spirituality". But I've come to believe in merely human lower case t transcendence (and 'spirituality'), and it is perfectly
human. It does not divide us on an axis of "horizontal" and "vertical". Capital T transcendence does. It insists that only vertical "rising above" is good and necessary. So the poor human's actual needs can be neglected in pursuit of such "Liberation". But a human life happens with our feet on the ground, in the real world (not above and beyond it).
However, I am concerned that I will basically have to achieve enlightenment in order to be able to function in this relationship. Her and I are so different in so many ways.
It's not really about her. This is what FallenAngelina was saying, and I'm echoing it. You're dramatizing (acting out) something with her which is really about you. It isn't really about that sexual act thing. It's about your need to be treated with compassion and empathy. Actually, to be in relationship characterized by mutual compassion and empathy. (It can only be mutual if both parties are capable of it and doing it.) That sexual act thing wouldn't bother you so much if you had awesome, empathetic and compassionate rapport with both yourself and your partner. It would be a nothingburger. No big deal. It hurt so much because she did not respond in a way that expressed empathetic understanding -- and because (as you said) she rarely does respond to anything you say in such a way. Unless that's not true, then you're not in the sort of relationship you need and want. And the way to get to what you want is not to sever that longing, cut it out as if it were some cancerous growth. You would have, instead, to honor that longing and need / desire, embrace it, accept it.... If your meditation practice takes you away from this desire, it's NOT meditation, as I practice it. It's, instead, a delusional avoidance and a form of spiritual bypassing.
I want to encourage you to embrace and love your humanness. I want to encourage you to give yourself the kindness and empathy and compassion you need and deserve. To the extent that you can do this with yourself you will find that you can do it with others. And this will make the kind of relationship you truly desire very likely to arise in your life.