Thank you so much for the continued responses - great to read. Forgive me for not quoting but it’s hard quoting and editing on my phone 
.
To answer Mags question - yes, they’re romantically involved (sex), and have been ever since she’s had the consent for it. And yes it’s in our house - it’s a grey area on how comfortable I am with it but she knows what I’m ok with and what not and I trust her to respect my / our space accordingly.
He is married - his partner doesn’t know - the ethics there are
..... not good basically. It’s an issue for us (me & E) but one C needs to address - ... as already mentioned feelings can’t be moved, behaviours can .... I’ve said my piece openly on how I feel on this but it’s not my place to interfere.
Interesting comments on rules and boundaries. So while I agree that ultimately you need to be free of rules and have general ideas and concepts of how you love and live together with shared values, coming from strict monogamy of many years for me a rule based approach provides a stepping stone. It ensures to some extend that you can get used to the opening up idea - the practice and theory can be hugely different And if you operate within boundaries to begin with I find that a level of trust is more easily maintained (and I’m saying this from the point of view where the other partner has introduced poly .... it’s not initially been a joint discovery) Of course there may be the couple who can go all out immediately, but if there is any niggling doubts “am I really poly?” Or “is this really working for me“ Having some guidance on what the out her partner is ok with I find can be helpful. Of course as you as a couple grow together explore n ploy more and what it means for your marriage, kids, family and social surrounding you should re-evaluate constantly and look to remove boundaries and rules wherever possible.
That’s where my heads at anyway .... we currently have rules we put in place before E&C got physical - I don’t feel they work particularly well, as I can feel that she’s coming up against them - she doesn’t want to cross them out of respect but actually as long as we remove them ahead of time (ref maintaining trust) I’d be quite happy to change things - have told her before and suggested we revisit numerous times ... but conversations are slow and it’ll take time.
One comment on Mags double standard on my exploring - as you said, feelings can’t be Easily controlled. in theory (rationally) she has no issues with me exploring things further. However things aren’t always as easy. Self doubts, depression,.... not easy to navigate ones feelings amongst all that. Hence slow communications as it can evoke difficult feelings for E. all very linked and complicated... support and patience is required as in most situations
. To answer Mags question - yes, they’re romantically involved (sex), and have been ever since she’s had the consent for it. And yes it’s in our house - it’s a grey area on how comfortable I am with it but she knows what I’m ok with and what not and I trust her to respect my / our space accordingly.
He is married - his partner doesn’t know - the ethics there are
..... not good basically. It’s an issue for us (me & E) but one C needs to address - ... as already mentioned feelings can’t be moved, behaviours can .... I’ve said my piece openly on how I feel on this but it’s not my place to interfere. Interesting comments on rules and boundaries. So while I agree that ultimately you need to be free of rules and have general ideas and concepts of how you love and live together with shared values, coming from strict monogamy of many years for me a rule based approach provides a stepping stone. It ensures to some extend that you can get used to the opening up idea - the practice and theory can be hugely different And if you operate within boundaries to begin with I find that a level of trust is more easily maintained (and I’m saying this from the point of view where the other partner has introduced poly .... it’s not initially been a joint discovery) Of course there may be the couple who can go all out immediately, but if there is any niggling doubts “am I really poly?” Or “is this really working for me“ Having some guidance on what the out her partner is ok with I find can be helpful. Of course as you as a couple grow together explore n ploy more and what it means for your marriage, kids, family and social surrounding you should re-evaluate constantly and look to remove boundaries and rules wherever possible.
That’s where my heads at anyway .... we currently have rules we put in place before E&C got physical - I don’t feel they work particularly well, as I can feel that she’s coming up against them - she doesn’t want to cross them out of respect but actually as long as we remove them ahead of time (ref maintaining trust) I’d be quite happy to change things - have told her before and suggested we revisit numerous times ... but conversations are slow and it’ll take time.
One comment on Mags double standard on my exploring - as you said, feelings can’t be Easily controlled. in theory (rationally) she has no issues with me exploring things further. However things aren’t always as easy. Self doubts, depression,.... not easy to navigate ones feelings amongst all that. Hence slow communications as it can evoke difficult feelings for E. all very linked and complicated... support and patience is required as in most situations
