This to me is one of the ways a "rebound" relationship works. You desire it partly because it softens the fall from a breakup. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes the relationship different from one where your attraction is more the person themselves, rather than the healing/comfort it provides at a particular time in your life (e.g. after a difficult breakup).
Eh. I think all of what preceded the comment you’re calling out rather cancels everything else you’re picking at. I *am* attracted to MisterMoonbeam as a person, in many different ways, and I am rather upset that my good feelings are being interrupted. I want the NRE high, but I can’t maintain it. The good feelings would help me, but I can’t keep the supply flowing!
One thing I decided this morning when I woke up is to say the word “forward.” Most of the time when my brain starts getting caught up in depression and sadness, I am focusing on past events. Why this happened, reliving a conversation, etc. It goes around and around and I am not making any progress. I’ve decided that I’ve done enough sorting things out and it isn’t productive anymore. When I find myself starting to circle, I’m going to stop and check in on my thoughts and if it’s old news, I’m going to verbally say “moving forward,” with hopes that it will end the unproductive mix tape that was playing. I’ve done it twice already and it makes me smile, and it has helped. We will see if that continues.
If a housemate ditched out owing that much momey you would be justified in taking them to court. If he agreed to pay he needs to pay or face more consequences than you being sad. This was trying to be a civilized divorce but he is torpedoing that.
I had this discussion with a friend yesterday. I don’t need to make a decision now, as courts are closed in my county. I can pick it up after the crisis is over. I do know I have a pretty good case - I will need to request my text transcripts from my phone company for them to be admissible, but the fact that he agreed to pay and I have bank records showing he did in fact send me $3000 toward it already is solid, so suddenly saying he doesn’t want to finish “just because” isn’t going to really work in his favor.
However, looking back isn’t where I want to be at the moment. That said, by the end of the summer, I may very well be in a healthier mindset and I will pursue it then, if so. His credit is already crap from unpaid judgements predating our relationship, so I know he doesn’t care about that. When left to his own devices, he doesn’t budget and makes terrible decisions regarding money. That’s one of the reasons I paid the bills and handled the joint account. On NUMEROUS occasions, he’d overdraft his separate bank account and would need a bailout, because he would back a kickstarter or an online auction that he didn’t have the money for. In the 6 years we were together, this happened zero times with DarkKnight. With PunkRock, it was more than 20 - possibly closer to 50. I have zero desire to go and count the transfers, but it’s a lot. Now, I personally don’t make the best buying choices all of the time, but I am not irresponsible like that.
Today is going to be a difficult one for MisterMoonbeam. We are going to be packing his master bedroom & bath, and his home office. He was crying last night, anxious about doing it. A lot of his late wife’s jewelry and clothing needs to be shifted, and the bathroom is full of her perfume and products. His friend (he employs her as a house cleaner once a week) messaged me and suggested that the majority of the bathroom items be placed in a basket and allow people picking up stuff to snag a couple on their way out. (We created a Facebook page for me to list items he wants to pass along, and his friends and family “claim” my posts. We then set up times for them to pick up with minimal to no close contact.) MisterMoonbeam agreed this sounded good, but he shared that after her death, he would take his wife’s perfume and spray it on her pillow. I told him this was perfectly okay and if he wanted to keep a couple of bottles for that purpose, I wouldn’t judge him at all. Shit, he can move it all into storage if he’d like! This is not my stuff and not my emotions. I am not pressuring anything, though I am trying to be the voice of reason and sanity. He’s downsizing from a big house to a smaller location, and he can’t take it all.
I also told him that if we stay together after all of this, it will be a miracle. Between my emotional nonsense over my recent breakup, and then him having me take the “hard line” approach with his packing and moving - he is going to have a difficult time hanging on to his own NRE! It’s a discussion we’ve had. He says we are fine and will continue to be fine. I am skeptical - it’s a lot of baggage to sit on the scale. Again, we’ll see, I suppose. I do know he needs the support and I am happy to do it. I’m squee over him, and I want to help with his healing, as much as he wants to help me with mine. Sometimes having that extra oomph of support is important.
The word “forward” is REALLY helping me not to get stuck in a negative headspace. Just a couple of days using it and it has improved my focus, my feelings and my heart. 