Kittykatz2020
New member
Hi there,
I am brand new to this site and also brand new to this idea of polyamory for myself on my partner. We have been playing with the idea opening a relationship for about 3 years and recently had our first interactions with external singles as we move towards having additional sexual experiences outside of our 13-year relationship. We are still attempting to set boundaries and decide what that looks like as we learn about this lifestyle and begin seeking other people to either play with or meet with. I'm setting boundaries I'm very aware that we want to be careful not to be controlling the other person but also setting enough boundaries so that each of us both feel safe and secure in our relationship with each other. Some of my confusion and concern has been around watching my partner text and sext consistently with other people as he explores meeting potential people for interactions and or possible relationships. For me this was definitely about exploration as well as building more open consensual lifestyle however I'm struggling with some things and I'm not sure if this is me trying to be controlling or if it's me just not understanding how to set better boundaries . An example I would like to share is that both my partner and I have joined various sites to chat with people. I tend to chat discreetly and we have been openly sharing texts and conversations with each other which have been exciting however I've also noticed that my partner is starting to choose having this conversations with other women when he is guessing then I'm not interested or available for intimacy. This has resulted in me 'catching' or interrupting his chat and play time online with potential partners while I'm in the other room assuming that he's just simply gone to bed. Also there have been times when I tried to reach out to him to chat with him with a sexy text (while I was in the same house) saw him online ..and after 10 minutes felt bad when he didn't respond to me and when I came up to talk to him he pretended he was asleep only to then admit he was just playing around and being silly but had been chatting online and masturbating with somebody else . while I know that he is chatting with other people this type of behaviour deciding to place me as a secondary interest for intimacy, makes me wonder how I can change or implement boundaries around this topic so that we don't keep having the same fight. I'm not sure if these feelings I'm having are normal or if these struggles are average or if I'm just need to figure out how to place these boundaries in our relationship so I do not feel as though he is using this opportunity to instead replace the energy of our relationship for energies and time with other people instead of me. we have discussed it and he assures me that I'm the most important person in his life however does not communicate well and when I bring up my feelings tends to get defensive and pulls away without trying to understand how this could be hurtful. I was hurt he just seems to react like I'm just instead judging and controlling him and not supporting his interests. How do people set boundaries for time with other people and time with your partners that does not involve texting chatting and sexting on a daily basis with external people. I want my cake and eat it too.. but how do I we set boundaries so that this doesn't happen again. It seems as we move closer to having intimacy with other people there's less intimacy in our relationship period and I was hoping for the opposite. In theory when we were talking about things it got us pretty hot and we had a lot of incredible months of activity between us intimacy until recently which now seems to be just three months into it leading into these negative spaces how do I keep it positive how does anybody keep it positive please tell me.
I am brand new to this site and also brand new to this idea of polyamory for myself on my partner. We have been playing with the idea opening a relationship for about 3 years and recently had our first interactions with external singles as we move towards having additional sexual experiences outside of our 13-year relationship. We are still attempting to set boundaries and decide what that looks like as we learn about this lifestyle and begin seeking other people to either play with or meet with. I'm setting boundaries I'm very aware that we want to be careful not to be controlling the other person but also setting enough boundaries so that each of us both feel safe and secure in our relationship with each other. Some of my confusion and concern has been around watching my partner text and sext consistently with other people as he explores meeting potential people for interactions and or possible relationships. For me this was definitely about exploration as well as building more open consensual lifestyle however I'm struggling with some things and I'm not sure if this is me trying to be controlling or if it's me just not understanding how to set better boundaries . An example I would like to share is that both my partner and I have joined various sites to chat with people. I tend to chat discreetly and we have been openly sharing texts and conversations with each other which have been exciting however I've also noticed that my partner is starting to choose having this conversations with other women when he is guessing then I'm not interested or available for intimacy. This has resulted in me 'catching' or interrupting his chat and play time online with potential partners while I'm in the other room assuming that he's just simply gone to bed. Also there have been times when I tried to reach out to him to chat with him with a sexy text (while I was in the same house) saw him online ..and after 10 minutes felt bad when he didn't respond to me and when I came up to talk to him he pretended he was asleep only to then admit he was just playing around and being silly but had been chatting online and masturbating with somebody else . while I know that he is chatting with other people this type of behaviour deciding to place me as a secondary interest for intimacy, makes me wonder how I can change or implement boundaries around this topic so that we don't keep having the same fight. I'm not sure if these feelings I'm having are normal or if these struggles are average or if I'm just need to figure out how to place these boundaries in our relationship so I do not feel as though he is using this opportunity to instead replace the energy of our relationship for energies and time with other people instead of me. we have discussed it and he assures me that I'm the most important person in his life however does not communicate well and when I bring up my feelings tends to get defensive and pulls away without trying to understand how this could be hurtful. I was hurt he just seems to react like I'm just instead judging and controlling him and not supporting his interests. How do people set boundaries for time with other people and time with your partners that does not involve texting chatting and sexting on a daily basis with external people. I want my cake and eat it too.. but how do I we set boundaries so that this doesn't happen again. It seems as we move closer to having intimacy with other people there's less intimacy in our relationship period and I was hoping for the opposite. In theory when we were talking about things it got us pretty hot and we had a lot of incredible months of activity between us intimacy until recently which now seems to be just three months into it leading into these negative spaces how do I keep it positive how does anybody keep it positive please tell me.