Polyenvy
New member
Greetings.
I'm a 37 y/o cis het male from Pennsylvania. I am married with three children. Christian background. Monogamous.
Except ... I don't want to be.
Starting around the same time as COVID I have desperately wanted to branch out. I do not love my wife any less and I do not want to lose her. I almost did, over the question of polyamory. I moved out for three months and lived in an apartment, fostered some online relationships (nothing in person ... All more emotional than sexual). I returned to my wife because I just felt I couldn't lose her and "for the kids" etc.
But this keeps eating away at me. I want more experiences. I want to be close, intimate with others. But as long as my spouse isn't on board, I know it isn't even worth talking about ... Trying to convince her further seems more than pushy ... At the same time, I've maintained communication with three other women, which wife knows about, though I don't think she's aware how deep the connections are there (a lot of support and encouragement, as well as role-play).
I feel like, if I pursue polyamory, my only reasonable first step is divorce. And I hate that. I hate being at these crossroads. And I keep asking myself ... Is this temporary? If I just "wait it out," would I be content with monogamy?
Anyone with similar experience, or anyone that has ANY advice to offer, even if it's hard words ... I'd really appreciate it. I truly wish I figured this all out at a younger age. I feel like I put myself and my spouse in a lose-lose scenario.
- "PolyEnvy"
I'm a 37 y/o cis het male from Pennsylvania. I am married with three children. Christian background. Monogamous.
Except ... I don't want to be.
Starting around the same time as COVID I have desperately wanted to branch out. I do not love my wife any less and I do not want to lose her. I almost did, over the question of polyamory. I moved out for three months and lived in an apartment, fostered some online relationships (nothing in person ... All more emotional than sexual). I returned to my wife because I just felt I couldn't lose her and "for the kids" etc.
But this keeps eating away at me. I want more experiences. I want to be close, intimate with others. But as long as my spouse isn't on board, I know it isn't even worth talking about ... Trying to convince her further seems more than pushy ... At the same time, I've maintained communication with three other women, which wife knows about, though I don't think she's aware how deep the connections are there (a lot of support and encouragement, as well as role-play).
I feel like, if I pursue polyamory, my only reasonable first step is divorce. And I hate that. I hate being at these crossroads. And I keep asking myself ... Is this temporary? If I just "wait it out," would I be content with monogamy?
Anyone with similar experience, or anyone that has ANY advice to offer, even if it's hard words ... I'd really appreciate it. I truly wish I figured this all out at a younger age. I feel like I put myself and my spouse in a lose-lose scenario.
- "PolyEnvy"