Hello ejlogan,
I'm glad to hear that you and your boyfriend had a successful conversation about poly. I think your best bet would be to invite another poly couple, or a girl and a guy. This way there would be something for each of you. Keep having conversations about your needs and boundaries, you may find that some of those things need renegotiating as your situation evolves. Good luck!
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Kevin, this may sound perfect to you, but it sounds like a swinger mentality to me. It's highly unlikely that ejlogan and her bf, as newbies to poly, would be able to simply, elegantly and easily handle the multiple layers of a triad or quad right off the bat. That's 3 or 4 relationships at a time, stacked up. Why encourage that?
Ejlogan, what are your "boundaries?" Where did you read that you needed boundaries in polyamory? Most experienced polyamorists have few boundaries. The one constant is to practice safer sex, using barriers to prevent disease and pregnancy, with maybe other birth control in place as well. (Also, discuss what happens if you get pregnant with another man's child. Are you fine with termination?)
Another boundary is planning on how to share time for dating each other (that is, the primary couple needs to now plan dates, and be less spontaneous, since their time will be divided), planning on how often to see OSOs, how often to text others, when and where this can happen, planning how to handle things like birthdays and holidays, planning on how to fund dates with others, planning on whether you want kitchen table poly (where your bf might meet your husband, or his gf might meet you, and hang out), or parallel poly, where you keep relationships more separate.
More boundaries: partner, don't try to look at my phone to see private text messages I've had with my OSO. Some couples say, "Oh we're so open with each other, he can look at my phone anytime." Remember that this might not be OK with your OSO! Each dyad deserves its own privacy.
Another boundary might be around where in the house it's OK to have sex with an OSO-- in the master bed? In the guest room or family room? Or anywhere and everywhere? Or must your OSO be able to host, or spring for a hotel room?
Also, do you expect to be in touch with your bf when he's having an overnight date with his OSO (or vice versa)? Or will you be fine if he's giving his whole attention to another partner for 24-48 hours? Maybe just a quick good night text would be enough.
Again, expecting to quickly find another guy and girl couple who perfect in every way for you and your bf for a long-term relationship, might be a bit optimistic. Sure, you can find a couple for a one night stand, or a few threeways. It usually takes a lot of work and luck to even find one unicorn (hot bi babe for straight guy and bi gal to both date), much less a couple. These kinds of things tend to go sideways with jealousy and possessiveness pretty quickly, and end in spectacular flames.
It's just much easier and safer to date independently.