Hi from a couple new to poly!

[Nicky]

Hello everyone!

My name is Nick, I'm 29 years old and I've been in a relationship for a year. My girlfriend and I are very interested in polyamory and open relationships. At the moment, we are only open to threesomes (or more ). We've done it with men and women, but taking things slow as I don't want to rush into things that we could regret in the future. Basically, we're taking baby steps and see how we feel about it.

We tried a polyamory setup in the beginning, although we had no experience at all. I was the only one seeing someone else, but it felt too complicated to me and not very satisfying (I just wanted to spend time with my loved one), so I decided to stop it to focus and develop my current relationship. I must say that I am the one that takes things slow, and my girlfriend is more carefree (but not careless).

I'm on this forum to learn more about the polyamory lifestyle and also to find tips on how to deal with things such as jealousy and insecurities or how to make sure that the relationship is healthy. Not sure I can contribute a lot since I'm new to this but I'll try.

Have a nice day!

Nicky

 

[Magdlyn]

Welcome to polyamory and the board!

Please note that there are many different kinds of open relationships. Polyamory is one form under the umbrella. Polyamory usually does not involve 3way equal relationships (triads/"throuples"), nor does it usually include group sex. It just means loving more than one person with the knowledge and joyful consent of all. Usually 2 members of a couple will date others independently. If you want usually/always want to share sex with your main partner, swinging is recommended.

In addition to reading around this board, I highly recommend reading the book Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. (It sounds like it's just for formerly mono couples, but it also addresses concerns of single people.) It really covers all the bases, such as the reasons to practice open relationships, how to communicate, different forms of open relationships, expectations and speedbumps.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Nicky,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have a good start on open/poly. Just take it in little steps, so that you can find out if you like it as you go along. Sometimes it's a lot of work, but it's almost always worth it. Hopefully Polyamory.com can help! Here's a couple of links that may help:

• Jealousy, Envy, Insecurity, etc.
• Jealousy and Insecurity

And I definitely recommend the book Opening Up.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

 

[Marcus]

At the moment, we are only open to threesomes (or more ). We've done it with men and women, but taking things slow as I don't want to rush into things that we could regret in the future. Basically, we're taking baby steps and see how we feel about it.

As a quick note, I want to encourage you to be specific with each other in what it is that you are open to (and what you are not open to). I get that you were being playful here with your wording, but when it comes to "taking baby steps" you will be better off by being VERY specific about what those steps really are.

A big mistake is to use cute and imprecise language when describing what we are looking for. You and your partner will likely not interpret things the same way and this can easily lead you to hurt feelings due to unmet (and unspoken) expectations. Get those expectations out there and use clear adult language so that you are certain you understand each other.

Then, be ready to change that plan because the moment the first crush starts, someone is going to want to renegotiate those terms. During those renegotiations, use clear and adult language so that you are certain you understand each other.