Hello highpriestess01,
I get the impression that you are not getting as much of your partner's time and attention as you need. That is a statement that doesn't require mention of how much time and attention your metamour is getting. The two statements are totally separate as far as you need be concerned; it is your partner's job to figure out how to balance his two partners' needs in a way that is fair and adequate. He is not meeting your needs, whatever his excuse for that failure. He needs to figure out how to fix that, it is not your job to tell him how to fix it. Your job is to just keep him informed: "Hey, I am still not getting as much of your time and attention as I need. Could you please rectify that?" and if rectifying that necessarily means him reducing the amount of time and attention he allocates to your metamour, well then, so be it. And that is for him to figure out.
Now the question is, "What if he says no? or what if he says yes, but then doesn't follow through in reality?" and that seems to be the situation at hand. He is acknowledging the problem, but is doing nothing to solve it, when he is the one on whom the onus of solving it lies. You don't have a magic wand you can wave to make more of his time and attention come your way. The power to do that lies exclusively in his hands. You are asking, and he is essentially saying no.
So what does lie within your power to choose? besides asking him for more time and attention, which you have already done, there is the obvious answer of breaking up with him. You could do that. It would free you up to seek a partner who would be more generous towards you in the time and attention areas. Of course I assume that that so-called "solution" would not even be up for consideration. You love this man. You are not going to break up with him no matter what.
What else lies within your power to choose? well, you could look for an additional partner, while continuing to live with your current partner. The advantage to this would be that you could get additional time and attention from *someone.* You would not have to rely on your live-in partner for that, which is good because he is not willing to fill that need for you. The problem is, that you don't need time and attention from just anyone. You need it *from your current partner.* What you really need is a way to change his mind. A way to get him to decide to allocate less time and attention to your metamour, because you can't decide that for him. So that's the real question here, is how to get him to change his mind. Alas! I don't know how to do that.
Could you suggest an alternative way to meet your needs? What if he were to reduce his daily amount of "me time?" Can he reduce his work schedule? Can he reduce his sleep schedule? These are not ideal solutions, but they may be better than nothing. The point is, he needs to figure out a way to rectify things with you, never mind how or whether that affects your metamour. And if you need to convince him, maybe suggesting alternative solutions to him is a way you could do that.
If I can think of other ideas, I'll let you know.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.