So I posted back on December 7 saying that I was looking for dating sites as I started to explore getting into relationships that are polyamorous. I joined OkCupid and that hasn’t really turned out so well because still single but it’s not providing me what I’m looking for. So does anyone have any advice on where I can go to try to explore and hopefully become a part of a mmf throuple? Any helpful advice would be appreciated.
Here I am again
- Thread starter Crazy
- Start date
OKC isn't really the best one anymore. Did you try Kevin's other website suggestions from your original post?
Lots of couple would love to find a woman who would date them both, perhaps even a post in our Dating and Friendships forum.
Lots of couple would love to find a woman who would date them both, perhaps even a post in our Dating and Friendships forum.
I’ve looked into them but I guess I’m not sure which is best. Perhaps I should try all of them lol Thank you for that support on saying lots would like that it gives me courage. I’ll try posting here too thank you.
It's only mid-February. You tried OKC in December. It can take ages to find one appropriate person to date, never mind love and form a lasting relationship with. Women get hit on, sure. But most of the messages I get are from men that seem very boring, who just want a quick hookup, are rather unattractive, you name it. So it takes patience.
If you want 2 men to love, you need to find one good one first. Then, he needs to be OK with polyamory. Then you need to establish an emotional/intellectual connection. Then you have to see if you're sexually compatible. Then you have to see if he'd be OK meeting his metamours (your other lovers). Then and only then will you see if he is compatible with the other dude, or if he'd rather not hang out with him.
This is a whole process that's going to take much longer than 2 months.
If you want 2 men to love, you need to find one good one first. Then, he needs to be OK with polyamory. Then you need to establish an emotional/intellectual connection. Then you have to see if you're sexually compatible. Then you have to see if he'd be OK meeting his metamours (your other lovers). Then and only then will you see if he is compatible with the other dude, or if he'd rather not hang out with him.
This is a whole process that's going to take much longer than 2 months.
I totally understand that I sound very impatient and you are absolutely right finding someone takes longer than 2 months. I guess my concern was just hoping to better my chances on other sites. I agree though most our boring or just wanting hookups. But also I don’t seem to find bisexual guys so that becomes a bummer too. The journey continues.
You want 2 bisexual guys who are both attracted to you and attracted to each other? That is an almost impossible dream, an equal threeway relationship. Literally, it could take years, a decade or longer, to find that. And maybe it would never happen. And maybe if it did, it would only last for a certain period of time before someone's feelings changed, or someone had to move for work, or wanted another partner, or any other circumstance of life. It's nice to have fantasies, but the fantasy of a perfect threeway is almost impossible to realize.
But if you want to put the work in, you can try dating sites. A more useful idea might be to go to LGBTQ/kink/poly real life meeting places such as clubs, bars, hobby or sport groups, workshops and conferences too, in order to increase your pool of queer acquaintances in general and get into a network. Dating sites mostly attract horndogs looking for quick hookups these days. It is definitely possible to meet good people on them, but it's not easy.
But if you want to put the work in, you can try dating sites. A more useful idea might be to go to LGBTQ/kink/poly real life meeting places such as clubs, bars, hobby or sport groups, workshops and conferences too, in order to increase your pool of queer acquaintances in general and get into a network. Dating sites mostly attract horndogs looking for quick hookups these days. It is definitely possible to meet good people on them, but it's not easy.
Hi Crazy,
I've heard good things about Adult Friend Finder, although it is not a poly site per se, poly people have had good luck with it in the past. FetLife is not a dating site, but it can be a good place to find poly groups and poly people. Poly Matchmaker used to be pretty good too, although like OKCupid, it has gone downhill in recent years. Honestly, dating sites in general are a long row to hoe. Your odds are probably better when you look for poly people in real life.
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.
You can also look for local poly groups in your area. Just google "polyamory" with the name of your state or nearest major city, and see what turns up.
Regards,
Kevin T.
I've heard good things about Adult Friend Finder, although it is not a poly site per se, poly people have had good luck with it in the past. FetLife is not a dating site, but it can be a good place to find poly groups and poly people. Poly Matchmaker used to be pretty good too, although like OKCupid, it has gone downhill in recent years. Honestly, dating sites in general are a long row to hoe. Your odds are probably better when you look for poly people in real life.
Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.
You can also look for local poly groups in your area. Just google "polyamory" with the name of your state or nearest major city, and see what turns up.
Regards,
Kevin T.