Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

[icesong]

This got me thinking about possibly doing rope with someone else at the club, or MisterMoonbeam working with another bunny, and holy fuck did that make me upset inside. Like, thinking about him having sex, or an emotional relationship with someone else, I feel like I’m fine with, overall. But him putting knots on another woman - wow! All sorts of jealousy and anxiety was just THERE.

I definitely need to think about this and see what’s up.

I kind of feel the same way about Artist potentially doing impact or d/s play with someone else - like, I am totally fine (ok fine now, I admit I had a bit of a wobble last summer) with other people as partners, sexual and non… but the intensity / intimacy is kink is yet another layer that I don’t know that I want to navigate. That said, we really _do not_ talk about the exact dynamics, emotional or sexual, between him and his other partners or me and mine. So I can just sort of sit in the “our relationship is unique because it’s us” space and be ok…

 

[Bluebird]

Thank you for sharing that. It makes me feel a bit better. I don’t really want to think about it myself, right now. This entire month has been an emotional wibble-wobble, with the anniversary of my dad’s death, and in a couple of days, it’ll be the day that PunkRock left me. I’ve been up and down and all over the place. Another issue to have to focus on is not going to be healthy for me right now.

This is not a problem right now, anyway. I spoke about it to MisterMoonbeam last night when I was feeling it. He’s not looking for new partners right now, and definitely not exploring kink with strangers or anyone new. I feel I have some time to let this sit and marinate a bit before unpacking it further.

It upsets me though because the feeling I get with rope is a really good one. To suddenly have anxiety surrounding it changing ruins things a bit for me.

 

[Bluebird]

So, I am not going to be doing the flu study. The lead doctor called me tonight to say they had to disqualify me due my EKG reading being abnormal. He said he wanted to call personally to explain and impart how very important it is to follow up with my regular doctor.

This was fucking scary. Apparently Itje cardiologist sent over a note saying I have a sinus rhythm with a significant interventricular conduction delay. Which he explained means that when my heart is pumping blood, the movement of the blood from the atrium down into the ventricle is slow. The electricity running the whole thing is fine - it’s beating 60-100 beats per minute and is normal - but then rather than push down smoothly, the electricity of garbled and split and getting off kilter.

He said they should order more tests, and the outcome may just be to continue to monitor it for now. Or, he said I could also need a pacemaker. He said he isn’t a cardiologist and he isn’t my doctor, but from what he discussed today, if I was his sister, he would be calling up my primary care physician tonight. I was like, okay, but it’s already 5 pm! And he said, yeah, but I’m a doctor and I would get those tests ordered! But you’re not my sister, so I can’t help you over there, but you need to call just as soon as you can.

Not exactly words to be calm about! All that said though, I’m not having any other cardiac symptoms, I’m on no meds for anything right now, and all of my other tests that they did were okay.

Yeah. I’m calling on Monday when my doctor’s office reopens.

I cried a bit, because this is fucking scary. Also, I was terrified to tell MisterMoonbeam. His wife passed because of heart issues. I’m not sure how this information would effect him. Everyone seemed to be more concerned about me than their own feelings, which I guess is a credit to them, but I’m still worried.

 

[Bluebird]

I am so full of anxiety right now. I sent an online message to my doctor and followed up with a call this afternoon, but I have yet to hear back. I’m really concerned.

 

[Bluebird]

Got my period today, which is a good thing. I’m hoping it will be over by the weekend when I go on my anniversary trip with DarkKnight!

 

[Bluebird]

So things are going well with BugGirl. The founder of her rehab house is selling her his car today for a below the book price. I helped her pay for her first installment of insurance this morning, and will be taking her to the MVA tomorrow afternoon. She was going to be buying MisterMoonbeam’s minivan, but this was a much newer vehicle and in better condition!

That said, I just heard back from the mechanic and they got the van running. So far we owe $175. It had been sitting for a year and they had to run it for like an hour and clear out all of the tar that the oil had turned into. They did an inspection, but it needs a new windshield, a hose and a parking light. He’s going to get us prices for those tomorrow. Anyway, it will soon be back on the road as a second vehicle for us.

I haven’t heard back from my doctor. I called and he’s out of the office today. The receptionist said she’s escalated my message up but in all reality, I probably won’t hear anything until tomorrow. I am so anxious and worried. Having my period has caused me so much stress on top of that. Gah!

 

[Bluebird]

I was able to spend time with my son today. He lives in a town 30 minutes away, so I don’t get to see him as much as when he lived around the corner from me! His federal taxes came back, and I took him out so he could buy a Nintendo Switch and a couple of games.

He’s still wanting to move back to our town and live in my house if we are able to refinance it. This would give him a solid non-increasing rent option, and we’d have a renter who is never late on payments, since he’s on permanent disability and I’m his rep payee and handle his finances already.

Speaking of which, we are on schedule for the refinance. I have a calendar of updates and repairs that are chugging right along. Almost all of the trim work in the house is done now - we have a small section of the living room that needs a baseboard installed, and MisterMoonbeam’s bedroom & the living room need a second coat of paint. That is scheduled for this Saturday. The following weekend we will be taking down 6 interior doors and pairing those, and installing doorknobs. (Yes, we have lived 5 years in this house without some doorknobs. We bought them, but never installed them.)

Other than cleaning and organizing, that will be it! I have a variety of refinance offers in my inbox - I hoping to contact one of them and schedule an appraisal at the end of March. Hopefully the amount we need will be available as a cash back option. Right now Zillow is showing the value as $100,000 more than what we owe, but I’m hoping it’s worth a bit more. I need at least $100,000 back after closing costs and fees so we can use that as our down payment on the building we want to purchase in the summer. SirGawain’s Zillow value was a little low on his cash out refinance, so I am hoping that is the case at my house!

 

[Bluebird]

Photo drop from my Ocean City anniversary trip this weekend with DarkKnight. I have to say this was JUST what I needed.

We left on Friday and stopped along the way at the Bill Burton Fishing Piers, which was the 29th state park that I’ve now hiked in.

Honestly, the entire day was full of love, laughter and relaxation - I hadn’t felt so calm in a long while.



My goal was to create two charcuterie boards on this trip, because I just love doing it. Lol So I put together a dessert board on Friday night, and a breakfast board on Saturday.





Saturday morning’s sunrise was glorious.

We stayed at a completely different hotel than I usually stay at, but it was a similar set up in that we had a suite with a jetted 2-person tub, a full kitchen, living room and a table for games and meals. Oh, an a balcony on which to enjoy the breakfast I made!



This afternoon we visited the animal shelter where I adopted our FIV+ kitty Olivia, who passed last year. I fell in love with another senior FIV+ cat, a chonker who just looks absolutely cantankerous. I wanted so much to bring him home - he’s really a sweet lovebug.



I paid his $50 adoption fee in the hopes it will move someone to add him to their family, but I sorta hope he’s still there in July when I go again to the area. I promised him if he was, that I was bringing him back with me! I changed his photo to my Lock Screen picture!

My sister messaged and she will be in Ocean City in July, so I reserved a cabin for two days near some state parks I have yet to hike in, on that side of the state. I’m going to take the whole week - hiking, camping and visiting with family. MisterMoonbeam has the time available so he is going to join me. After booking the cabin, I looked and saw that there was another one available at a different park on April 1, in the eastern part of the state, so I booked that too. I feel very excited to be starting up again with my goal of hiking in all of the parks!

I also wanted to share that we checked one of DarkKnight’s credit scores (Experian) and it was 730, so it seems that the medical bill that was put on his report erroneously has been removed. I wish his score had jumped higher, but that is certainly okay enough to refinance the house. I hope the other two are just as okay when I buy them on Monday. If they are, I will be contacting a recommended broker to discuss getting the process started.

 

[Bluebird]

I really loved my time away this past weekend, but the last two days I’ve been anxious and over extended. I have a lot going on with the Blessing Box and it’s stressful.

My two nesting partners are completely on board with our refinance and the process of buying a building downtown. On paper it looks doable, but everything is falling on me to make it happen, and it’s a lot. They are very supportive, but I am still an emotional mess. I watched a Facebook Live last night about forming an LLC, and I had been putting it off, but now it seems like I need to push that up to NOW, as I didn’t really know what it involved. So I asked for $270 today in a post and hopefully I can get some love toward it. This is the cost of the state fees, if we file ourselves. Which I am going to do.

I’m feeling pretty confident with my ability to follow the step by step instructions given to me on the Live, and establish business credit for our LLC. I have a friend who followed it in January and it took like two months and she’s doing amazing now with expanding her business! I’m hoping that I can do the same, as two months gets us closer to the summer - that’s when we’re buying the building! At that point we should have good business credit and the $100,000 down payment.

The plan is to use the LLC to buy the building, as our city gives lots of rehab and remodeling grants that we absolutely would be eligible for. And I would still form the two nonprofits, the cat cafe and the service stuff that I do now. The LLC would rent the space to those organizations. So that’s the structure that will work best for us.

Ahhhh though! It’s just a lot of anxiety on my end.

 

[Bluebird]

Okay I pulled all 3 of DarkKnight’s myfico credit scores, and the mid score was 748. So we are good on that.

 

[Bluebird]

I spent the weekend in Virginia with MisterMoonbeam and his old polycule. They’re moving and I helped to pack up their downstairs bathroom and kitchen. My phone wasn’t charged for almost the entire time and I spent a good deal of the days and nights without it on. This was new. Lol

 

[fuchka]

Hey @Bluebird I might have missed this but I would imagine your nonprofits would have their own board/s of governance who would need to approve the rent of the space/s from your LLC? I'm guessing you've run all this by someone in your state but I know in some places you would need to be careful to ensure this was all at arm's length.

You obviously have high integrity and great intentions, and actually I probably shouldn't doubt you've worked the legals out. Sorry if my comment is condescending. Just wanted to mention it on the outside chance you haven't turned your mind to that part of it

 

[fuchka]

Also those charcuterie boards are hella decadent, very nice!

 

[Bluebird]

Hey @Bluebird I might have missed this but I would imagine your nonprofits would have their own board/s of governance who would need to approve the rent of the space/s from your LLC? I'm guessing you've run all this by someone in your state but I know in some places you would need to be careful to ensure this was all at arm's length.

You obviously have high integrity and great intentions, and actually I probably shouldn't doubt you've worked the legals out. Sorry if my comment is condescending. Just wanted to mention it on the outside chance you haven't turned your mind to that part of it

Yes, we’re in the thick of it! I’m the executive director of the community blessing box stuff (we are losing that name completely tho). I’m actually not on either board! The cat cafe and Blessing Box aren’t officially non profits yet, as that paperwork is on hold until we work out the LLC stuff.

The LLC will rent to my polycule (apartments or a loft) and to both nonprofits, but the nonprofit rents will have a solid lease for $1 a year for 10 years. Our personal rent will be market rate - enough to cover the mortgage. I won’t be listed on the LLC. Right now we don’t have a board but we will - I mean, I have people, but it’s not legally anything at all. I’m getting there.

I’ve had two phone conversations with specialists about the refinance of the house and it’s clear that DarkKnight should be fine on that piece. We just have to pull the trigger. Interest rates have been rising, but we have to make sure that the building purchase will go through - otherwise all we are doing is changing our current rate for no reason! Our current is 4.5% so we aren’t really saving anything at all.

I have an in-person meeting on Wednesday with our current bank; two representatives are going to sit down and go over the process with me for the mixed use building purchase. I have two organizations to call today as well, to follow up with, that have been recommended to me by a friend of a friend. They supposedly do portfolio loans in my city and may be a much better idea than my bank.

Everything is in flux, and I’m fairly sure we are okay and legal with everything. Before we get much further, I do have a business attorney lined up to make that fairly sure into a definite!

 

[fuchka]

Oh, peppercorn rent to the nonprofits should cause no problems! I imagine any board would be happy to approve that it's more like a donation really.

The only question would be then be perhaps around any capital improvements to the space that is done with grants / donations that may have windfall benefits to you. And that might be more down the track.

A LLC does sound like a smart way to organise your household finances / property purchase overall, if everything else checks out of course. Good luck W it all!

 

[Bluebird]

I’m all sorts of fluttery right now - I’m leaving soon for the bank meeting. It’s only one of many, I am sure. I just hope they have good news for me right out of the gate. I have two other banks that I know for sure do portfolio loans, so if my bank is a bust for lending, I will move onward to the next!

I’m passionate about what I do. If someone is holding their breath for me to fail - I will let them suffocate! Everything is a positive on a long enough timeline. I’m movin and groovin today!

I spent the morning at my storage unit, and got out more baby items. All but one thing has since been claimed and pickup up. Today is my day off. Lol I’ve helped people with formula, diapers, deodorant.

I also cleaned up a hairball and some puke in MisterMoonbeam’s room (our blind kitty, Poppy). Scooped the litter while I was in there. I also played a bunch of Skyrim.

Honestly I was really wanting to hike today because it’s the perfect weather for it, but it wasn’t in the cards. LittleMichigan and I are maybe going to go together on Friday so ai hope the temperature stays nice.

 

[Bluebird]

I’m back with the blue! I got a new application of the teal underneath, and again left my top untouched. So that’s my natural silver. The masquerade ball is this weekend and this color will match my costume.

My current plan is to let it fade out and then lighten and whiten it for the wedding in June - MisterMoonbeam’s son is getting married in Texas. I don’t want my crazy color to distract from the bride! After that, our nearby city is having Pride that same month. So I’m going to come back and get a rainbow put into my hair! I’m super excited because this will be my first Pride event where I’m attending as fully out as bi, and not just there as an ally. My own city’s Pride is in July so the timing is perfect!

 

[Bluebird]

Hiked in state park #31 today - my youngest and I went up South Mountain to Weverton Cliffs. I burned 1100 calories! Crazy steep.

 

[Bariah]

Beautiful shots! Nothing beats the first hike of the year and it looks like you picked a perfect day! Eventually I'll hike the whole AT.

 

[Bluebird]

Beautiful shots! Nothing beats the first hike of the year and it looks like you picked a perfect day! Eventually I'll hike the whole AT.

This was my third of the year - DarkKnight and I did a mile at both the Bill Burton Fishing Pier and the Harriet Tubman Underground Railroad Museum. Both are listed state parks, and had outdoor trails for us to follow. That said, those don’t hold a wick to the candle! Omg I was dying today. Lol I am sure I am going to regret it tomorrow!