Hello everyone! So some of you might have read my last thread tittled "Caught in a difficult situation".
So basically, i wanted to date a girl that I didn't know if would be ok with me being Poly or not, long story short: She was ok with it.
Here comes the problematic part:
My gf , let's cal her A (now my ex) who at the time was Ok with it ended up not being ok with it after all). She is mono but has always been supportive of me being poly and even did a paper about it for university. That said I had never been with another woman in our 7 year long relationship.
Basically, i had the date with the girl i started seeing, let's call her C. So C and I had a lovely evening and we even kissed. I told her I was afraid to hurt her due to the dynamics of the relationship and she assured me it wasn't the case. She also told me to take things slow and I agreed.
We had a party at my house some days after and I invited her, assuming this would be a great opportunity for them to meet each other and maybe "humanize" her more. A was not ready and told me I tried to make them meet too soon. I told her if she was uncomfortable I could then tell C to not come for now. She said if she was already invited she should come anyways.
C has always been inquisitive about A's feelings on this and asked if was OK. I responded that yes so she came.
On the day of the party big drama happened. A was not coping with C presence there. She was feeling threatened and she felt she was being disrespected. She eventually got drunk and went to my room. Later C was invited to stay over by my mother and she ended up staying. This only triggered A more as she felt she shouldn't even be there. We had a big argument and C was feeling like was to blame.
After this incident things only became worse. I was trying to make them both feel comfortable and assuring my gf how much i loved her and even set up a date to blow up some steam. However, A had became hateful towards C. She now accused her of wanting to steal me and that she was a double sided bitch. C wanted to talk with her but i didn't think this was solvable so I didn't let her. The more me and C tried to tell A things to confort her the more bitter she got and the more she became hateful.
A's hatred then reflected in other aspects of the relationship, making her more needy, insecure and prone to be argumentative. In one of those arguments she questioned the whole poly philosophy, stating i couldn't really love them both equally and she would eventually be replaced. I felt incredibly sad and guilty for my feelings for C from that point forward. I couldn't be near A without feling guit and self hatred for being who I was.
This piled up when I had a serious case of appendicitis. At that time A was not allowing me to see C because she needed to process. She allowd C to come to the hospital (notice she came on purpose to see me from her home 1 hour away).
As I recovered at home after coming from the hospital C wanted to see me but A didn't allow it and felt she was again being disrespected. I told C we couldn't be together for a while and she told me to tell her when we could be together.
The situation still got worse, and no matter what I did it didn't seem to be fixable. My poly friend told me A was not built for poly and we were just hurting each other at this point.
I took a week off to realy think about it and tried to reconcile a way to solve this. A told me she didn't want to hold me back and would go back and forth between letting me see C and not allowing us. Until one day she said I could see her but nothing physical could ever happen. This made me feel like i was now cheating on her because me and C had already kissed.
At this point I felt me and A couldn't work out on the long term despite me loving her to bits. I told C about this and she felt guilty, like she should be the one to leave. C spent 5 hours on the phone trying to console me.
I ended up breaking up with A the following week. C told me to try to reconcille again, that maybe was possible but at this point i felt I was having a mental breakdown. C then started to pull back after this.
I ended up going to sleep at C's place the week after the break up looking for confort. She was very caring and we ended up having sex. I felt with her confort at least would be easier but after that day C started to pull back even more than before. She contacted me this monday telling me she is sorry for being so absent but she has tons of university workand she is mentaly drained. She also told me about a concert near my house she wanted to tell me about but she was sure she would be busy that weekend with her studies so she ended up not even mentioning it.
A part of me does know she has a lot to do indeed but another part is not so sure that's all., I'm not sure if she is still guilty for me and A's break up. She also told me when we were together she was afraid of "being too much to handle." She had a break up around 3 months ago too so she is not ready yet to be an official couple. She wants to work on herself and her studies.
All I know is she has always been there for me and has always been kind. She took 2 days to reply to me. I might be overhtinking again, but i just feel hurt and vulnerable after the break up and C being distant this last 2 weeks is also affecting me.
Any opinions?
So basically, i wanted to date a girl that I didn't know if would be ok with me being Poly or not, long story short: She was ok with it.
Here comes the problematic part:
My gf , let's cal her A (now my ex) who at the time was Ok with it ended up not being ok with it after all). She is mono but has always been supportive of me being poly and even did a paper about it for university. That said I had never been with another woman in our 7 year long relationship.
Basically, i had the date with the girl i started seeing, let's call her C. So C and I had a lovely evening and we even kissed. I told her I was afraid to hurt her due to the dynamics of the relationship and she assured me it wasn't the case. She also told me to take things slow and I agreed.
We had a party at my house some days after and I invited her, assuming this would be a great opportunity for them to meet each other and maybe "humanize" her more. A was not ready and told me I tried to make them meet too soon. I told her if she was uncomfortable I could then tell C to not come for now. She said if she was already invited she should come anyways.
C has always been inquisitive about A's feelings on this and asked if was OK. I responded that yes so she came.
On the day of the party big drama happened. A was not coping with C presence there. She was feeling threatened and she felt she was being disrespected. She eventually got drunk and went to my room. Later C was invited to stay over by my mother and she ended up staying. This only triggered A more as she felt she shouldn't even be there. We had a big argument and C was feeling like was to blame.
After this incident things only became worse. I was trying to make them both feel comfortable and assuring my gf how much i loved her and even set up a date to blow up some steam. However, A had became hateful towards C. She now accused her of wanting to steal me and that she was a double sided bitch. C wanted to talk with her but i didn't think this was solvable so I didn't let her. The more me and C tried to tell A things to confort her the more bitter she got and the more she became hateful.
A's hatred then reflected in other aspects of the relationship, making her more needy, insecure and prone to be argumentative. In one of those arguments she questioned the whole poly philosophy, stating i couldn't really love them both equally and she would eventually be replaced. I felt incredibly sad and guilty for my feelings for C from that point forward. I couldn't be near A without feling guit and self hatred for being who I was.
This piled up when I had a serious case of appendicitis. At that time A was not allowing me to see C because she needed to process. She allowd C to come to the hospital (notice she came on purpose to see me from her home 1 hour away).
As I recovered at home after coming from the hospital C wanted to see me but A didn't allow it and felt she was again being disrespected. I told C we couldn't be together for a while and she told me to tell her when we could be together.
The situation still got worse, and no matter what I did it didn't seem to be fixable. My poly friend told me A was not built for poly and we were just hurting each other at this point.
I took a week off to realy think about it and tried to reconcile a way to solve this. A told me she didn't want to hold me back and would go back and forth between letting me see C and not allowing us. Until one day she said I could see her but nothing physical could ever happen. This made me feel like i was now cheating on her because me and C had already kissed.
At this point I felt me and A couldn't work out on the long term despite me loving her to bits. I told C about this and she felt guilty, like she should be the one to leave. C spent 5 hours on the phone trying to console me.
I ended up breaking up with A the following week. C told me to try to reconcille again, that maybe was possible but at this point i felt I was having a mental breakdown. C then started to pull back after this.
I ended up going to sleep at C's place the week after the break up looking for confort. She was very caring and we ended up having sex. I felt with her confort at least would be easier but after that day C started to pull back even more than before. She contacted me this monday telling me she is sorry for being so absent but she has tons of university workand she is mentaly drained. She also told me about a concert near my house she wanted to tell me about but she was sure she would be busy that weekend with her studies so she ended up not even mentioning it.
A part of me does know she has a lot to do indeed but another part is not so sure that's all., I'm not sure if she is still guilty for me and A's break up. She also told me when we were together she was afraid of "being too much to handle." She had a break up around 3 months ago too so she is not ready yet to be an official couple. She wants to work on herself and her studies.
All I know is she has always been there for me and has always been kind. She took 2 days to reply to me. I might be overhtinking again, but i just feel hurt and vulnerable after the break up and C being distant this last 2 weeks is also affecting me.
Any opinions?
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