Newbie, Utah

Status
Not open for further replies.
A

AylaxRaye

New member
Hello everyone!

I am fairly new to poly. I'm actually listening to The Ethical Slut on audible. I'm looking for a mentor or someone that can help me. I've always been monogamous, and have always cheated.

I'm in Utah. I don't know if there are any Utah people out there, but I'm open to talk to anybody.

A little bit about me: my name is Ayla. I'm 34 years old, bisexual. I have a daughter. I am a total nerd. I love Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, all that stuff.
 
Welcome! We have a lot of experienced people here and you can get a lot of perspectives about many facets of polyamory on this site. We're pretty international. You can glean a lot from reading around on here. I tend to mostly go to the "new posts" tab and then read whatever is current.

It's very freeing to go from cheating or serial monogamy to polyamory, but can also limit the dating pool a little, as both of the above do tend to be more common. But it begins to seem like a silly system once you find poly peeps to connect with. :D

Envy, jealousy and oversharing are pretty common themes, so if you want to be dating multiple people it's good to learn about how to manage more than one partner, including: allocation of time and money, not getting so caught up in the new person you neglect the more established relationship, and healthy compartmentalisation.

Keep asking questions and we'll do our best to answer them!
 
Evie said:
Welcome! We have a lot of experienced people here and you can get a lot of perspectives about many facets of polyamory on this site... you can glean a lot from reading around on here.

It's very freeing to go from cheating or serial monogamy to polyamory... Envy, jealousy and oversharing are pretty common themes, so if you want to be dating multiple people it's good to learn about how to manage more than one partner, including: allocation of time and money, not getting so caught up in the new person you neglect the more established relationship, and healthy compartmentalisation.

Keep asking questions!
Click to expand...
Thank you for your kind reply. It certainly wasn't my most defining moment, because the whole point, or one of the points, is lots and lots of communication, and I certainly lacked that. But it's a learning experience.
 
Greetings Ayla,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I am originally from Utah, raised in Highland, so not too far from Salt Lake. Just thought I'd mention that as it's an interesting coincidence. Nowadays I live in Albuquerque. I love Star Trek and Lord of the Rings and certain things from the Star Wars worlds, Andor is my favorite. If you want me to be your mentor I can try to do that. I have been polyamorous from 2006 on forward. It's great to have you with us!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
kdt26417 said:
Greetings Ayla,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I am originally from Utah, raised in Highland, so not too far from Salt Lake. Just thought I'd mention that as it's an interesting coincidence. Nowadays I live in Albuquerque. I love Star Trek and Lord of the Rings and certain things from the Star Wars worlds, Andor is my favorite. If you want me to be your mentor I can try to do that. I have been polyamorous from 2006 on forward. It's great to have you with us. Welcome aboard.
Click to expand...
Thank you so much for the warm welcome. It's been a rocky, you know, 5 or 6 years of me realizing it, but I'm getting better, I guess... I think...

I didn't read any any bad replies yet, but I guess it's still early. I'm trying to put a profile picture up, and it's not working for me, so I'm not sure what I'm doing there.

We could definitely talk back and forth if you'd like.
 
Hello Ayla,

I think the thing about putting a profile picture up there is a current site issue. We have tried to bring the problem to the attention of the admins. Hopefully they will take note of it, and find a way to fix it. Bear with us.

I am happy to talk back and forth with you if you like. Realizing you're poly is a hard realization to come to, it's not like poly is widely known and accepted. This forum may serve as a haven of sorts for you.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
Realizing you're poly is a hard realization to come to, it's not like poly is widely known and accepted. This forum may serve as a haven of sorts for you.
Click to expand...
The hardest part for me was I didn't intend to hurt anyone, but I found other connections with people, and still wanted to maintain the connection I had. I came off as a very very bad person.
 
Most people consider monogamy to be the only healthy/righteous way to approach romantic relationships. Like if you love two people, you have to choose. You are not a bad person, you just live in a messed-up world.
 
kdt26417 said:
Most people consider monogamy to be the only healthy/righteous way to approach romantic relationships. Like if you love two people, you have to choose. You are not a bad person, you just live in a messed-up world.
Click to expand...
Well, that's the hard part. Everybody connects to people differently. I've been reading The Ethical Slut (great book, by the way). As I'm reading it, it's nice to hear that I'm not some horrible person that can't come in. I'm just a person that commits to everybody (not really everyone). It's nice to know my behavior is not villainous.

I have someone I care strongly for. He's the father of my daughter, and my best friend. But he is not open at all. I feel stuck, because I care about him, but like maybe I'm holding him back from finding someone who would be totally committed to him.
 
Well, if the two of you are incompatible, then you are both holding each other back. There is such a thing as a mono/poly relationship, if he is willing to do that, but it isn't easy to make that work, and maybe he would feel it would be unfair. You can talk to him about it; maybe he would be willing to listen.

You're definitely not some horrible person.
 
I appreciate that. And I promise I wasn't fishing for compliments or anything like that. It's just hard, because I honestly love him. It's really hard, because I lose a best friend and a lover.
 
If you break up with him, can you still love him as a friend? Can he still love you as a friend? The ideal scenario would be if the two of you could work together as co-parents of your daughter.
 
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is to walk away.
 
AylaxRaye said:
Hello everyone!

I am fairly new to Poly, I'm actually listening to the ethical slut on audible. And I'm honestly looking for a mentor or someone that can help me. Because I've always been monogamous, and have always cheated. I'm in Utah I don't know if there's any Utah people out there, but I'm open to talk to really anybody.

Little bit about me: my name is Ayla I'm 34 years old bisexual I have a daughter. I am a total nerd I love Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the rings all that stuff.
Click to expand...
Hi, how are you doing?
 
AylaxRaye said:
Hello everyone!

I am fairly new to Poly, I'm actually listening to the ethical slut on audible. And I'm honestly looking for a mentor or someone that can help me. Because I've always been monogamous, and have always cheated. I'm in Utah I don't know if there's any Utah people out there, but I'm open to talk to really anybody.

Little bit about me: my name is Ayla I'm 34 years old bisexual I have a daughter. I am a total nerd I love Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the rings all that stuff.
Click to expand...
Hello,
I'm from Utah and I was being to think I was the only person who lives here that was poly. It's nice to know that a fellow nerd that lives here is around.
 
Hello Ayla, welcome!
 
Hehe… interesting intro 😝

I’m a pansexual male, punk artist, down in Utah valley. I do what I want and I hate hearing lip—but as far as sex goes I’m pretty forward about that. I take a while to warm up for people but I’m definitely not one to judge—in fact I had fantasies frequently in past relationships of my partner hooking up with a hunk or a babe and getting the treatment she/he/they deserve. It always made me sad when I said “you should go find a stud and hit it! I love the idea,” only to have them think I’m some weirdo or perv.

In the end, I think I’m just a little much for one person—so I’ve gravitated this way and am looking to meet groups preferably, or at least just put myself out there and stop living a life one individual tells me I should live. I’m not needy by any means, but I can’t be alone in a room for much more than a day or I get gloomy.

I’d love to meet up with others and share my passions. Have good dates and be my authentic self!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top