Discovering myself

C

castylvania

New member
I am 32 years old and am in an open relationship with my 8 years partner. We have been open for a few years now. I have recently rekindled a fling with a past partner but things are different this time. It seems as though we actually like each other outside the bedroom as well. I find myself wanting to spend time with him and continue the connection. I have always struggled with monogamy. I've been in many relationships in my life and my current boyfriend is really important to me. I love him very much and we've been through so much together I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without him. That being said, I now find myself wanting to spend ample time with my other partner. I need to talk to my boyfriend about opening up to polyamory but not sure how.

A few side notes,
He has loved two women at the same time previously but not open and honestly. I think he struggles with being replaced.
 
Greetings castylvania,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I suppose the thing to say to your boyfriend is, "Honey, we have an open relationship, and I wonder if you would be willing to open it to polyamory. I promise I would not replace you." Something to that effect. It sounds like you have been on a journey of considerable length away from monogamy. I am happy for you that you are discovering yourself, and I hope the various members here can be of help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
castylvania said:
I am 32 years old and am in an open relationship with my 8 years partner. We have been open for a few years now. I have recently rekindled a fling with a past partner but things are different this time. It seems as though we actually like each other outside the bedroom as well. I find myself wanting to spend time with him and continue the connection. I have always struggled with monogamy. I've been in many relationships in my life and my current boyfriend is really important to me. I love him very much, and we've been through so much together I couldn't imagine what my life would be like without him. That being said, I now find myself wanting to spend ample time with my other partner. I need to talk to my boyfriend about opening up to polyamory, but I'm not sure how.

A few side notes: he has loved two women at the same time previously, but not openly and honestly. I think he struggles with being replaced.
Click to expand...
When you say "Open relationship," I guess you mean you agreed to be open on both sides to casual sex/friendship, but you are not "allowed" to fall in love with anyone else. Surprise! We often fall in love with our sex partners. That's just how biology works.

Your bf knows this. He has loved two women at once before. It is time for open and radical honesty. You really can't do open or poly relationships without it. Yes, if you are new to it, there will be fear of loss, if we imagine it is NOT possible to love two people at once. But guess what? It is possible to love two at once and not want to ever leave one for the other. Experienced polyamorists in multiple long-term relationships are proof of this. You can see us all over this board and in other places online and in books.

If you're not poly, you will not be able to love two at once. You will fall out of love with one person if you fall in love with another.

(This actually happened to me when my ex husband and I opened our relationship back in 1999. He was not poly, and he lost interest in me emotionally when he fell for someone else. He was still interested in fucking me, but that was about it.)
 
Magdlyn said:
When you say "Open relationship," I guess you mean you agreed to be open on both sides to casual sex/friendship, but you are not "allowed" to fall in love with anyone else. Surprise! We often fall in love with our sex partners. That's just how biology works.

Your bf knows this. He has loved two women at once before. It is time for open and radical honesty. You really can't do open or poly relationships without it. Yes, if you are new to it, there will be fear of loss, if we imagine it is NOT possible to love two people at once. But guess what? It is possible to love two at once and not want to ever leave one for the other. Experienced polyamorists in multiple long-term relationships are proof of this. You can see us all over this board and in other places online and in books.

If you're not poly, you will not be able to love two at once. You will fall out of love with one person if you fall in love with another.

(This actually happened to me when my ex husband and I opened our relationship back in 1999. He was not poly, and he lost interest in me emotionally when he fell for someone else. He was still interested in fucking me, but that was about it.)
Click to expand...
This was very helpful so thank you for that. I have read quite a few of the stories on this site and they are inspiring. I know it will be work and there will be issues to deal with but hopefully everything work out in the end. I guess if it doesn't it doesn't. LOL
 
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