NP breakup after over a decade.

[PurpleCritter]

Hi all.

I'm not sure what I even want here... I'm just hurting and would maybe like to hear similar experiences and advice.

My ex and I were together for 14 years, since we were teenagers. (we're late 20s now). We were long distance until we moved in together and lived together for 6 years. Engaged for a few years.

There were too many problems, recurring issues, insecurity and trust issues. It felt like he hated it when I had a life outside of him, since we were all we knew since 14 years old. I started therapy for the third time.

I have a partner of one year who I don't live with and I don't plan to. My ex never had any other partners. Just people we saw together sometimes for group things.
But everything came to a head, I realised I couldn't keep patching over the wounds of mine and my fiancé's relationship. I was miserable and so was he.

We have officially split, and I'm devastated but also know it's the right choice. I will be "alone" for the first time in my life. Living alone. Financially independent, etc.

I'm sad, scared and terrified. I will be continuing therapy. I'm scared my boyfriend is going to leave me. I'm just in a big mess right now...


Thank you for your time.

 

[GalaGirl]

I'm sorry to hear about the break up even though it seems like you know it was the right choice.

Still going to come with some grief to process though.

Glad you have therapy to help you navigate some of this.

Hang in there.

Galagirl

 

[kdt26417]

Hello PurpleCritter,

I'm so sorry your relationship with your NP couldn't have lasted longer. And I know you are feeling scared and alone. I hope this forum can provide some consolation for you. We are here, we will try to help you in any way we can.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.

 

[Magdlyn]

Hi all.

I'm not sure what I even want here... I'm just hurting and would maybe like to hear similar experiences and advice.

My ex and I were together for 14 years, since we were teenagers. (we're late 20s now). We were long distance until we moved in together and lived together for 6 years. Engaged for a few years.

There were too many problems, recurring issues, insecurity and trust issues. It felt like he hated it when I had a life outside of him, since we were all we knew since 14 years old. I started therapy for the third time.

I am not sure what kind of similar experiences you are looking for. Most poly people have had multiple partners throughout their lives. Polyamory means multiple loves. Have you only ever had 2 partners, your ex-fiance and your current boyfriend?

Have you had an open relationship with your ex for quite a while, while living together the whole time?

I have a partner of one year who I don't live with, and don't plan to. My ex never had any other partners. Just people we saw together sometimes for group things.
But everything came to a head, I realised I couldn't keep patching over the wounds of mine and my fiancé's relationship. I was miserable and so was he.

We have officially split, and I'm devastated but also know it's the right choice. I will be "alone" for the first time in my life. Living alone. Financially independent, etc.

I'm sad, scared and terrified. I will be continuing therapy. I'm scared my boyfriend is going to leave me. I'm just in a big mess right now...


Thank you for your time.

It's understandable that your feel afraid to live alone, since apparently you went from your childhood home to living with your ex full time. You are strong and you will survive. As long as you are fine financially and are going to therapy, you will begin to thrive. I hope you have a circle of friends and family to lean on. Single women living alone do need certain kinds of support. It sounds like you don't have kids, so that makes things easier. You can focus on your own health and self-growth.

Do you suffer from anxiety in general or are there red flags that your bf will be leaving you? Is that r'ship healthy or do you have trust issues there too?