We're still Green and looking, please help.

PackageDealJ&J

PackageDealJ&J

New member
So we just moved to the area (Northern Ohio) about 2 weeks ago and are very new to the lifestyle (about a year). We've checked dating apps and scoured the Internet for information on meet ups and events but have found nothing. Any advice on how to refine our search for a third would be appreciated. Would prefer events where we can do meet and greets and get to know people face to face because apps in short suck. Too many bots, fake profiles, scams, etc. We've used Feeld, Fet Life, Throuple Dating, etc. all without traction. I stumbled on this site in my search but this doesn't help with meet ups like I was hoping.
 
If you build it, they will come.

It might take a while, but if you can't find what you want, make it happen. Anyone can make a group or event on Fetlife, that's probably the best events site in the world right now for alt lifestyles.
 
I see you two are coming into polyamory as a "package deal seeking a third." Part of your frustration might be with that intention. Most poly folks date individually. There just isn't much in it for a "unicorn." But good luck.
 
Magdlyn said:
I see you two are coming into polyamory as a "package deal seeking a third." Part of your frustration might be with that intention. Most poly folks date individually. There just isn't much in it for a "unicorn." But good luck.
Click to expand...
See that I don't understand. How is there not much in it for a unicorn? They literally get to have their cake and eat it too. Twice the love and affection, and if they are bi they can sate both of their sexual interests. Maybe I'm listing it wrong. It's full throuple dynamic, with an equal partnership with two people.
 
That equality takes time to develop, if it really ever does at all. The unicorn often finds themselves navigating a minefield of expectations, and finds it too hard long before that feeling of equality is ever reached.
 
PackageDealJ&J said:
See that I don't understand. How is there not much in it for a unicorn? They literally get to have their cake and eat it too. Twice the love and affection, and if they are bi they can sate both of their sexual interests. Maybe I'm listing it wrong. It's full throuple dynamic, with an equal partnership with two people.
Click to expand...
If it's an equal partnership, would the end goal mean that the two of you would divorce so all three of you would be equal? It isn't legal to be *married* to more than one person, but people have been known to create an LLC between members of the polycule which gives them certain rights in addition to things like a will and a healthcare proxy.

I remember when Somerville Mass first legally recognized poly relationships, and there were all these triads who were like, "We're moving to Somerville." But the way the city statute works, none of the people can be legally married to each other or anyone else.

There are a great deal of resources on this forum and elsewhere if you are interested in reading more about this topic.
 
Hello PackageDealJ&J,

Sorry you're having such bad luck in your search for meetups and events. I usually advise something like googling "Ohio polyamory" (and/or "polyamory" with the name of the major city closest to you), but I suppose you've already tried that. I would think there would be a poly group somewhere in your vicinity, I'm not sure why they're so hard to find.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 
PackageDealJ&J said:
See that I don't understand. How is there not much in it for a unicorn? They literally get to have their cake and eat it too. Twice the love and affection, and if they are bi they can sate both of their sexual interests. Maybe I'm listing it wrong. It's full throuple dynamic, with an equal partnership with two people.
Click to expand...
It's hardly humanly possible to develop feelings for two people at once at the same pace. Usually your prospect finds herself interested in him but not her or the other way around. Worse, they find themselves trying to do the impossible and like the person they don't like as much just the same, and hurting themselves in the process.
It's fine to fool around with a couple, much harder to date a couple...
 
www.readyforpolyamory.com

Triad or V - What's More Complicated?

I get a lot of people new to polyamory insisting that they must date together, or meet people together, because it "will be less complicated." I see this in comments on social media, on dating app profiles, on couple's profiles on social media (that black and red one that starts with an F...
www.readyforpolyamory.com www.readyforpolyamory.com
 
Evie said:
That equality takes time to develop, if it really ever does at all. The unicorn often finds themselves navigating a minefield of expectations, and finds it too hard long before that feeling of equality is ever reached.
Click to expand...
I'll keep that in mind. We're heavy on communication and honesty so if we can address issues as they arise we can avoid catastrophe.
 
Magdlyn said:
www.readyforpolyamory.com

Triad or V - What's More Complicated?

I get a lot of people new to polyamory insisting that they must date together, or meet people together, because it "will be less complicated." I see this in comments on social media, on dating app profiles, on couple's profiles on social media (that black and red one that starts with an F...
www.readyforpolyamory.com www.readyforpolyamory.com
Click to expand...
Yeah the dynamic we set isn't always the three of us. We do individual things as well as throuple things so it's not so overwhelming. The one on ones coupled with the throuple on other days reduces stress and builds on an individual basis as well.
 
ref2018 said:
If it's an equal partnership, would the end goal mean that the two of you would divorce so all three of you would be equal? It isn't legal to be *married* to more than one person, but people have been known to create an LLC between members of the polycule which gives them certain rights in addition to things like a will and a healthcare proxy.

I remember when Somerville Mass first legally recognized poly relationships, and there were all these triads who were like, "We're moving to Somerville." But the way the city statute works, none of the people can be legally married to each other or anyone else.

There are a great deal of resources on this forum and elsewhere if you are interested in reading more about this topic.
Click to expand...
Our plan was a three way hand fasting ceremony, it would essentially carry the same weight of marriage without being legally binding.
 
Tinwen said:
It's hardly humanly possible to develop feelings for two people at once at the same pace. Usually your prospect finds herself interested in him but not her or the other way around. Worse, they find themselves trying to do the impossible and like the person they don't like as much just the same, and hurting themselves in the process.
It's fine to fool around with a couple, much harder to date a couple...
Click to expand...
But it is possible and yes sometimes the dynamic shifts towards one or the other but that's the point of communication and the individual dating days. To keep everyone on the same page. I personally have no issues being in love with more than one person.
 
It would really help to know who's typing :)
 
Tinwen said:
Would you mind getting separate accounts or at least adding a signature? "I personally" is not a package deal.
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That's a fair statement. But I'm not trying to date anyone here just gather information the two of us can use. I handle the searching, and weeding out of scams and con artists. She fine tunes our search by weeding out who I think has potential but am uncertain about.
 
ref2018 said:
Then it wouldn't really be "equal" because "legally binding" is part of the "equality", no?
Click to expand...
That would actually be bigamy and is against the law. Now you're just arguing semantics and attempting to get a rise out of me. It doesn't have to make sense to you, not do I care for your attempts to find contradictions in my statements. If you're not here to help, just move on with your life and let me live mine.
 
PackageDealJ&J said:
The Male. My searching for information brought me here.
Click to expand...
Thanks. So these posts are being written by, let's say, Jason. And Jane is reading over your shoulder, so to speak, and you are sharing her thoughts as well.

I am confused. Some of your posts seem like you're saying you are already in a triad, since you speak about your dynamic and activities in the present tense. Like, you currently do some things as the triad, and some things as individual dyads. Or is that just your ideal and you've never really managed to have a successful working triad?
 
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