temmilou1234
New member
Hi folks!
Just looking for guidance on how to navigate polyamory as a new couple.
My partner (we'll call him Phil -26m) and I (26 nb) are very new, we've been together almost two months and things are going splendidly. It's a very "when you know, you know" kind of thing.
I have been in only one polyamorous dynamic before and it was not a great situation. I felt incredibly secondary in a partnership who claimed to not have heirarchies in their relationships. I was repeatedly not considered when major decisions were made about our relationship or in my partners relationships and it was very painful.
After that relationship, I decided I wanted my next partner to be someone who was open to non-traditional relationship styles but be able to offer what I needed to feel safe and prioritized.
I wasnt actively looking for a partner when I found Phil and we have fallen head over heels for each other and he is open to exploring non-traditional relationship structures. However, he has only ever been in monogamous relationships. He is totally new to this world.
I have spent the last year, after my last relationship, deconstructing my longheld beliefs and habitual behaviors regarding relationships and have found that my nervous system may not be ready for full on multiple committed relationships, but that my sense of autonomy is vital to me feeling complete in any dynamic. I have developed a relationship with a friend that teeters between romantic and platonic - we kiss and cuddle but aren't dating, have talked about intimacy with each other, and care for each other in a more romantic way - basically something like a QPP (Queer platonic partnership) and Phil has said he is okay with that as long as we dont have sex.
That's the part I get hung up on. I dont necessarily have strong feelings about having or not having sex with my friend, but it is important to me to feel like my romantic connections dont dictate what can happen in other connections. I want it to be a collaborative agreement and exploration rather than rules and limits.
So anyways, this is not a criticism of my partner. Just a snapshot of where we are right now. I would love any tips on how to begin having open and proactive conversations with him about it without creating a power dynamic since I am a little more experienced in polyamory than he is. What are the most important topics to cover? What are common pitfalls for new couples exploring polyamory together? What advice do you have on protecting the safety of an already established relationship while exploring non-monogamy? And anything else that feels pertinent. Thank you!
Just looking for guidance on how to navigate polyamory as a new couple.
My partner (we'll call him Phil -26m) and I (26 nb) are very new, we've been together almost two months and things are going splendidly. It's a very "when you know, you know" kind of thing.
I have been in only one polyamorous dynamic before and it was not a great situation. I felt incredibly secondary in a partnership who claimed to not have heirarchies in their relationships. I was repeatedly not considered when major decisions were made about our relationship or in my partners relationships and it was very painful.
After that relationship, I decided I wanted my next partner to be someone who was open to non-traditional relationship styles but be able to offer what I needed to feel safe and prioritized.
I wasnt actively looking for a partner when I found Phil and we have fallen head over heels for each other and he is open to exploring non-traditional relationship structures. However, he has only ever been in monogamous relationships. He is totally new to this world.
I have spent the last year, after my last relationship, deconstructing my longheld beliefs and habitual behaviors regarding relationships and have found that my nervous system may not be ready for full on multiple committed relationships, but that my sense of autonomy is vital to me feeling complete in any dynamic. I have developed a relationship with a friend that teeters between romantic and platonic - we kiss and cuddle but aren't dating, have talked about intimacy with each other, and care for each other in a more romantic way - basically something like a QPP (Queer platonic partnership) and Phil has said he is okay with that as long as we dont have sex.
That's the part I get hung up on. I dont necessarily have strong feelings about having or not having sex with my friend, but it is important to me to feel like my romantic connections dont dictate what can happen in other connections. I want it to be a collaborative agreement and exploration rather than rules and limits.
So anyways, this is not a criticism of my partner. Just a snapshot of where we are right now. I would love any tips on how to begin having open and proactive conversations with him about it without creating a power dynamic since I am a little more experienced in polyamory than he is. What are the most important topics to cover? What are common pitfalls for new couples exploring polyamory together? What advice do you have on protecting the safety of an already established relationship while exploring non-monogamy? And anything else that feels pertinent. Thank you!
