Ever play with hair bondage. Can be quite beautiful and useful
In the more complex form, I had a friend (bondage bunny) who was suspended, in part by her hair. Very cool to watch and see 
BDSM discussion
- Thread starter LovingRadiance
- Start date
Ever play with hair bondage. Can be quite beautiful and useful
In the more complex form, I had a friend (bondage bunny) who was suspended, in part by her hair. Very cool to watch and see 
IndieSolo
Active member
This is all pretty new to me. My husband was never into anything slightly kinky. I just have always known I like some bondage-type activities, like handcuffs and restraints, whether it's me being restrained or my partner. But I haven't done very much of it. When it's me being restrained, I enjoy fighting against it, too, and struggling (a little). I like things like being blindfolded, having my hair pulled, wearing a tight corset, all of which has felt kinky enough for me in my pretty vanilla world.
Now that I'm getting divorced, I'm exploring this all again, but a lot of what I read about D/s turns me off, although some of it appeals to me. I was surprised the other night at how much I liked hearing, "Good girl," when I did something my date really liked. It was a response in me I hadn't expected to experience. I just don't like the idea of day-to-day life in a Dom/Sub relationship. I like the potential of being overpowered in the bedroom, and although I am loathe to admit it, it's sort of like a rape fantasy -- but I don't like [much] pain. My date was a rather large man, at 6'5" and 280 lbs, so that came into play, too, feeling a little dangerous.
However, I am always very cautious about any of this stuff.
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Lemondrop
New member
Really quick, I just wanted to say thank you for replying about the community and whether I should worry. I've already talked to Easy, and he said forget them. If he has a problem he'll let me know. So I guess my responsibility ends there. Asha isn't pressuring me. She just mentioned that she saw it and that she felt like we were being judged, and that's where it ended. I just feel a lot of pressure from myself to make things work for everyone, I guess.
NYCindie, what you're saying sounds a lot like I was a few months ago. If it's any comfort, not everyone is 24/7, and there are all different flavors of dom and sub, top and bottom, master and slave... It's mind-boggling.
NYCindie, what you're saying sounds a lot like I was a few months ago. If it's any comfort, not everyone is 24/7, and there are all different flavors of dom and sub, top and bottom, master and slave... It's mind-boggling.
Breathesgirl
New member
I am a very non-traditional slave! If people don't like who I am, what I do, how Breathes & I interact, they can just not be around us! I can be in a room with 200 people or 50 people and STILL avoid those whom I just do not want to be around.
If you or Easy are having a problem with how things are progressing then it needs to be addressed. If it's everyone else that's having a problem then it's THEIR problem.
Other people may not agree with our dynamic. Know what? Not OUR problem! I have full permission to tell these people where to go & how to get there, IF they should say anything about it to me. Most people, at least here, have a little more respect for our style than to actually say anything.
BrigidsDaughter
New member
I've only really started exploring BDSM, in earnest, in the last year and a half. While I have been into bondage for the last 6 years, and I had never really been able to explain to my husband just how much I really enjoyed pain (biting, spanking, nails carving into my skin, etc. are all huge turn-ons for me), but the whole Dom/ Sub thing just freaked me out. Growing up in an abusive household I was never going to let ANYONE own me.
This was especially difficult for me when the third party in our first poly relationship turned out to not want us as a couple, but instead wanted to be my husband's pet, to be completely owned and controlled by him and never have to think for herself. That relationship has long since imploded and for a long time we avoided the whole BDSM thing all together.
However, time and life have a way of changing a person. 2009 was a year of self-discovery for me. I think we are finally making progress again. 2010 has been a year of me trying to convince the hubby and, occasionally, remind the boyfriend that I am ready to explore again - with both of them. So far, I'm working with the hubby to meet my masochistic needs, and the boyfriend on learning how to be a good sub w/o losing myself (which has always been my biggest fear). I'm not there yet, but I'm making progress and hopefully one of these days I'll be comfortable enough to play submissive for the hubby.
After the fiasco with the ex g/f I had these nightmares of being forced to be completely submissive to him all the time, the whole "Woman, know your place" kind of thing. I can handle the idea of being a sub for him in the bedroom, but I'm much more comfortable being in control. So I occasionally ask myself why I fell in love with 2 dominant guys? And I get that I was wishy-washy for a long time (almost 5 years), but now that I'm out and honest about what I want, why is it so hard to get my needs met?
This was especially difficult for me when the third party in our first poly relationship turned out to not want us as a couple, but instead wanted to be my husband's pet, to be completely owned and controlled by him and never have to think for herself. That relationship has long since imploded and for a long time we avoided the whole BDSM thing all together.
However, time and life have a way of changing a person. 2009 was a year of self-discovery for me. I think we are finally making progress again. 2010 has been a year of me trying to convince the hubby and, occasionally, remind the boyfriend that I am ready to explore again - with both of them. So far, I'm working with the hubby to meet my masochistic needs, and the boyfriend on learning how to be a good sub w/o losing myself (which has always been my biggest fear). I'm not there yet, but I'm making progress and hopefully one of these days I'll be comfortable enough to play submissive for the hubby.
After the fiasco with the ex g/f I had these nightmares of being forced to be completely submissive to him all the time, the whole "Woman, know your place" kind of thing. I can handle the idea of being a sub for him in the bedroom, but I'm much more comfortable being in control. So I occasionally ask myself why I fell in love with 2 dominant guys? And I get that I was wishy-washy for a long time (almost 5 years), but now that I'm out and honest about what I want, why is it so hard to get my needs met?
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IndieSolo
Active member
Hey guys, I haven't read through this whole thread yet, but it has been very enlightening. Just wanted to say that I really appreciate being able to voice my opinions and questions without being shot down. I also hope that I expressed clearly that I was only discussing what appeals to me. I do try not to judge, although I have a hard time with some things I have read about. However, since this is a time in my life when I do want to discover with an open mind what I want for myself in relationships and sex, I am going to attend a "Novice" meeting next month at a really big BDSM support group here in NYC.
In the interest of research and understanding, of course.
In the interest of research and understanding, of course.
LovingRadiance
Active member
I also see hair-pulling as a sex thing. But it's not a pain thing for me. It's a restraining/power thing. But I can see the very thin line that would change that. Fortunately, Maca knows I don't care for pain, so he doesn't take it over that line.
I'll keep in mind not to ask you for any internet hair pulling, just internet hugs.
LovingRadiance
Active member
I have always had fantasies about a rape scene. But I've never gone through with it-- big trust requirement there (and the right partner).
As for D/s, whilst there are those of us who do it 24/7, I think you would find in some cases (mine, for example) that what that means isn't what you envision. For example, there is no "Yes, Sir" or "No, Sir" in my dynamic. NONE, not in any place or any time. And there are rules that pertain only to when we are in the bedroom and alone.
There are other little things we incorporate in day-to-day life (like making the bed) which seem totally "normal" to the rest of the world, but who does the bed making is the point in our dynamic, and it results in making the D feel special and honored. Likewise, there are things that are/aren't done, like sitting on the floor in front of the D when watching a movie or hanging out in the living room. Again, in a house of 10 people where there are only 5 seats in the living room, that looks normal to everyone else, but it results in making the D feel special and honored.
It's not about the "WHOLE" of BDSM every day, all day long. That would take the specialness out of it.
Yesterday I wore a specific necklace designed strictly to remind me and Him of our D/s relationship, which is in practice mode still. It had NO BEARING on the outside world, or even people who know us. But it resulted in making us both feel special and making me feel excited and turned on by him and ideas of what might happen later.
That said, you can always do D/s activities at whatever amount appeals to you. You can always do ONLY the activities which appeal to you, as well. It's your life, your choice. So if you only like the "good girl" aspect, figure out what things he likes that make him want to say that, that you also enjoy doing, and throw 'em in when you want to!
LovingRadiance
Active member
Hey guys, I haven't read through this whole thread yet, but it has been very enlightening. Just wanted to say that I really appreciate being able to voice my opinions and questions without being shot down. I also hope that I expressed clearly that I was only discussing what appeals to me. I do try not to judge, although I have a hard time with some things I have read about. However, since this is a time in my life when I do want to discover with an open mind what I want for myself in relationships and sex, I am going to attend a "Novice" meeting next month at a really big BDSM support group here in NYC.
In the interest of research and understanding, of course.
That's all excellent, NYCindie! Not everyone can enjoy everything.
I have two separate and completely opposite D/s relationships. In one I am the submissive and in the other I am the Mistress. The first includes a lot of kink, bondage, but the second has NONE. Two TOTALLY different partners, two TOTALLY different dynamics, abilities and interests.
Meet people, ask questions, take it all with a grain of salt. Read, research and again take it all with a grain of salt. Then create for yourself whatever makes you thrive in your relationships!
I'll keep in mind not to ask you for any internet hairpulling!
Just internet hugs!
No worries, no internet hair pulling for ya
Hugs won't be a problem
BrigidsDaughter
New member
Hair pulling is a restraint thing for me, as well. And even though I'm a masochist, I draw the line at having my hair pulled for more than just restraint; scalp pain just isn't pleasure for me. *shrugs* My boys know I'm weird, and they love me anyway, and have been amazingly patient with me while I figure out what I want/need and what triggers panic attacks; all three of my sweeties know I was abused, but even I don't always understand what triggers a panic attack. And my response isn't to cower, but to get aggressive.
redpepper
Active member
I had a really interesting talk with a couple last night who have a very serious Master/slave relationship. She has been collared and has worked very hard for that privilege. We talked about the "style" of BDSM, and how it is not taken as seriously as she and her master regard it. We talked of the vulnerability it entails and how many people get involved on a casual level and don't grasp the intense letting go into sub space that she has experienced. We also talked about having patience, as it is new to many and they need to figure out if it is for them or not.
They are also big in the lifestyle. They hadn't considered that in swinging there is also a level of vulnerability and that should also be respected. I know its not entirely common to think of this for swingers, but I wonder if I have planted a seed of thought in their heads about the whole thing. If one should be patient with kinksters learning and trying it out, shouldn't one be patient with swingers trying it out? Shouldn't there be a bit more caution and respect in the swingers community as the kink community promotes?
They are also big in the lifestyle. They hadn't considered that in swinging there is also a level of vulnerability and that should also be respected. I know its not entirely common to think of this for swingers, but I wonder if I have planted a seed of thought in their heads about the whole thing. If one should be patient with kinksters learning and trying it out, shouldn't one be patient with swingers trying it out? Shouldn't there be a bit more caution and respect in the swingers community as the kink community promotes?
IndieSolo
Active member
That makes sense to me. If I knew there was as much respect for safety and boundaries in swinging as I am learning there is in BDSM, I might try swinging. As it appears to me now, in the sense I get from people I know, there is no appeal in swinging for me.
redpepper
Active member
I can't say in every lifestyle community that there is a lack of respect and boundaries. I think the idea is more that the individual value the two.
The thing is, and as far as I know from my experience, there isn't the same kind of attention and care as there is in the BDSM community. I am making a HUGE generalization, I know that. if anyone wants to call me out on this I am welcome to it. I need a bit of clarity on it all myself.
The biggest boundary possible exists in swinging. It's called saying no. Can't get much stronger than that. There is no requirement for anything at the swingers club I have been too.
I also wouldn't judge swinging by the explanations that exist on poly sites. A lot of poly people's views are skewed because of the strong distaste of casual sex.
I am not a swinger, but I have been to a swingers club. It was relaxed and pretty cool. Just happened to be sex happening in some degree of privacy. For the record, not trying to push you towards it, I am not even a swinger, but anything you learn about swinging, especially from a poly board, will generally be heavily biased.
I frequent a swingers site (lurk only) where everyone is pretty cool and relaxed. There are an abundance of rules and boundaries, as much, if not more than in BDSM. They have a lot of the same concerns that we poly people do, they just happen to be capable of sex without love.
On a side note, BDSM-related so I don't change the topic, I just bought an old school shower brush, and can't wait to surprise Pengrah with it.
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redpepper
Active member
Thanks for clarifying, Ari. I don't know anything about clubs. The couple I talked mainly go to house parties. They have only been to special events at clubs, such as a squirting demo. I have only been to house parties. I have something in my head that swinging has more silent boundaries, if there are any, and more couple-centric. But you know what? This isn't the place to talk about it. I apologize for the interruption. Carry on.
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Ironically, I think the house party se tup would feel odd, unless I was already sexually active with most of them. It would feel very pressurized due to the odd intimacy of it being a sexual house party. But I have never been to one and am not entirely sure. That's just my feel from the base description.
I wouldn't rule out trying it though, with the right people. In the end, no still means no. I had to use it at the club I went to before. I am good at using it.
Ironically, the club I went to doubles as a BDSM club on other nights. It looks fantastic for that. I would love to go back for that night specifically. The rooms were dynamite and really set off the top/sadist in me. I could think of many devious things to do to Pengrah or Sourgirl in those rooms.
redpepper
Active member
Is it the place in Seattle, Ari? Center for Sex Positive Communities, I think it is called, or something like that.
Our community has sex parties where everyone knows each other... Coming over? Maybe you should get to know people here. There is a BDSM component here too.
Our community has sex parties where everyone knows each other... Coming over? Maybe you should get to know people here. There is a BDSM component here too.
IndieSolo
Active member
Most of what I've surmised about swinging is not from poly forums. I have a friend and colleague who writes a blog about her escapades, and I've read other blogs by swingers, too.
No it was Ms Stacey's club in Calgary. Quite a nice location.
I would like to do another trip there, of course. I have heard good things about the community there. I have met Sir DragonballZ guy. Can't remember his name, and I coined that a while back so I could remember. He explained the scene over there and I had considered putting myself out there during my visit. Just never seems to be enough time. That, and most of my play is very private. I am discovering my openness is very personal. My intimates are the only ones to get that side of me.