I'm a straight woman, which seems to be a bit of a minority in poly-land, so I do not limit my socializing and looking for potential partners to the poly community . . .
Is being a straight woman really a minority in poly land? So are most poly women bi?
Well, I don't know enough to say that most poly women are bi- (or pan-sexual) or not. Probably the women in religious polygamous situations are mostly straight, I'm just guessing. But it sure seems to me that being straight and a woman, I am definitely among the minority at the poly gatherings I've been to! But I've only been to a few.
At least in NYC the polyfolk that gather together are very closely associated with LGBT and sex-positive groups, so when I go to poly happenings here, I've often felt like the only straight woman in the room. It makes sense -- these are safe spaces. If I were bi or gay, plenty of women showed interest in me.
I certainly feel welcome, don't get me wrong about that.
But even when I tell mainstream types (outside of a poly setting) that I've embraced polyamory, they are often surprised that I am straight. Well, actually, it's mostly straight men who are surprised. The women I talk to totally get wanting to have more than one guy, heh-heh (although a few mono women I know have lamented, "I can't even meet one guy, and you want two or three?" How selfish of me, right?).
I guess straight men just assume that poly is something that would only make sense if a woman wants both a male and female partner -- and I've seen a look of disgust come over them if I tell them I'm not bi and they realize I want more than one penis in my life, like that makes me super slutty. Of course, they'd be totally into it if I were about to kiss another woman in front of them
rolleyes
. You know those straight guys!
I am sure there are plenty people of all genders and orientations practicing poly, but perhaps many of them haven't yet discovered that there's a word for it, or they're happy behind closed doors and not about to socialize with a bunch of radicals like us (heh-heh), and so they're not showing up at the get-togethers I know about. But in NYC, everyone is so busy, stressed, and has long commutes that it's hard to get a regular crowd in any topic of interest to come together beyond a core dedicated few. The poly community could be very different where you are.
Gosh, I've been rambling. But now I'm re-reading my quote above and I think what I said is a bit odd. I don't think it's only the issue of being straight that makes me want to look for potential partners outside my local poly community; it's that the gatherings, for me as a woman, have tended to give off a bit of a meat market feeling, AND I haven't been attracted to most of the guys I've met there (though I have made some nice friends). But talking about it in this thread has motivated me. I will definitely check out the next poly event here and see how it goes!