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Off the top of my head: 1) You're looking for a woman. Not a female. 2) The kind of relationship you're after (someone that both you and your wife will fall in love with, and who will fall in love with both you and your wife) is ridiculously hard to find. Most women are straight, so possibly...

I think you need to stand your ground. Explain it to him as you have explained it to us. It's much much harder to come back from a botched opening up than it might seem. Does he understand the reasons why she's on the 'messy person, do not get involved' list for you? And being realistic about...

If all that matters is that there is one thing that is special, why can it not be: You and her = 1234 You and M.O.P = 12(3)4 Her and H.O.P = 12(3)4 where '(3)' is only spending a little time (maybe once or twice a week) and '3' is spending a lot of time (four or five times a week)? Or how...

It sounds like the talk went well - I'm happy for you all! Just a thought that popped into my head: if you do end up going down the divorce route, having a child with your husband might actually be beneficial. Not only in reassuring husband that your commitment will not waver, but also in terms...

You might not *have* to worry about any of that, under the law, but I think you *should*. The right to a secure and private home is pretty well protected in Europe, and that's a good thing. I know you are engaged in a 24/7 D/s thing, but the ability to just kick someone out with little notice...

To be honest, I have a tough time figuring out why you are already 'committed' to her - you have only been dating two weeks! Things should be at the light and fun stage, not all angsty, insecure, and needy from the get go. Beware of over-stretching yourself. It already sounds like you are...

I'd definitely talk to him about it now - the sooner the better. It's a big change for all of you potentially, and he has the right to talk you through any concerns he might have. I think including him in the discussion at this stage is the right thing to do. As for husband wanting to be biodad...

Hey there, Is your new girlfriend also polyamorous? Is she currently dating others as well as you? To some extent, it's normal to get a bit caught up in a new person and to want to spend lots of time getting to know them and exploring your connection, but the thing is, you are not single. You...

I guess I wouldn't live with someone who I didn't trust to have good judgement about people. If Nina knew about a friend's criminal history, yet still vouched for them, then that would be good enough for me. I echo GalaGirl's question about why you are choosing to live with Henry if this kind of...

I don't know who these women are that use men solely for financial gain. I have never encountered one, either romantically, or platonically. All the women in my life are interested in being an equal partner, and that's just not compatible with this kind of thing. Therefore when I hear things...

Hi Beka, I'm glad that you and your husband have managed to work together to handle your different wants and needs. I haven't yet been in a position where my life partner has taken a trip with one of her lovers yet, but I think I would find it a bit challenging, no matter how well adjusted I am...

I get that the whole being in a triad thing works for you and your husband, but be prepared for the fact that it may not ever work for the woman you are involved with, at least not in the format you seem to want it to now. I think there are very few cases in life where you can make a genuine...

Are your partners both reluctantly poly? Is your girlfriend's preferred solution to your burn out that you stop seeing your boyfriend twice a week and get your alone time that way, and vice versa with him? If so, then I think the real issue to be resolved is that. I do agree with the others...

Ugh. I would be pissed off too in your shoes. You tried to accommodate a new situation (date lives out of town) and it sounds like you were clear in your expectations, yet he still cocked it up. At the very minimum, I think him using your apartment to date others in should be off the table...

Hmm. It sounds like someone needs to call a spade a spade though. He's not happy. He's not feeling secure. And you're not happy either. It seems like he's being reluctantly dragged into a polyamorous relationship that he doesn't quite have the skills to manage, and that is always going to end up...

I have met my metamour, Adam, a few times, and whilst he seems like an okay guy I don't think we would ever be close friends. Nina hasn't met Zymurgist yet, despite us dating for quite a while now, but both have expressed an interest to. I guess Nina and I don't see our lovers very often, so...

This is the problem when relationships depend on everyone being involved with everyone else. The most sensible strategy I think is for you to be free to find a lovely warm connection with someone outside of this quad. You are generally happy, you seem to want to support your husband and his new...

I think you're giving her mixed messages. You and she changed the usual way that you met when you guys had alone time without him. In her shoes, I would then understand it to be fine for me to have alone time with him as well. Given that you presumably ran your plans for alone time just by each...

I think this kind of situation can happen even in mono relationships - although I suppose at least there she wouldn't be getting "swept off her feet" (I'll come back to this in a moment) by anyone, and you wouldn't necessarily have a contrast to observe and ponder about. The sad fact of a life...

Hmm…I did learn an interesting fact about myself though, which I had never considered before. I think I have made out with way way WAY more people than I have held hands with. To me, holding hands is a pretty intimate act, but not one that correlates with sexual behaviour at all. Last night...