What he does from here could make or break it...
I guess when I ended it with H.R. because "I wanted my marriage to work" (that was the reason I gave him)... I hoped hubs would do the same with his gf... I didn't want to pressure him or force the choice on him in any way. I wanted it to be his choice. I wanted US to be his choice. But, to the contrary, he came to me last night informing me that he has been offered an invitation to visit her in real life, taking their romance to the physical level.
Her plan is to leave her husband after the holidays (he has no idea about their relationship, a fact that I only hate all the more because he is in the military) and then, have my hubs come out to visit her in February.
I don't think I can handle this.
My initial response was that this is a topic we can revisit in Jan if and when she actually leaves but that Feb seemed awful fast for having just walked out of her marriage. However, I have been contemplating divorce so frequently of late... I'm afraid if he does this it will be the final nail in the coffin.
I told him as much at 4am when I was coming to bed and he was waking up. It was a brief exchange where he said he was worried I would feel that way and he was also aware that I had hoped he would end it when I ended my thing. Then after his shower I was awakened to him being rather pissed... I have a feeling things are about to get ugly.
I don't know how understanding I am supposed to be. It seems like in an open marriage physical intimacy would be part of the package. I know a certain amount of jealousy is normal and certainly that has been exacerbated by some of his behaviors. But I keep feeling like for her the goal is to get her hooks in my husband. A concern I have voiced to him more than once which he always responds to with "She respects you too much for that" and I respond with "You expect me to believe she respects me more than her own husband?" ... Not to mention, How exactly is a woman luring my husband to cheat respecting me in the first place?...
I had been planning to meeting the last guy in March. When it ended I figured my time would be better spent taking my sister on a cruise. Hubs actually told me yesterday that I could hook up on the cruise if I wanted to but to use a condom and not tell him about it... and... Wow! He is the only man I have been physical with for 11 years... and the man I was with before him was my ex husband... and now he thinks I want or could even find it in myself to have meaningless sex with a complete stranger?
I had started to doubt I could bring myself to be with another person physically in any capacity regardless of being married, single or poly and that was a factor I considered when I stopped dating the last guy as well... I don't want to be leading people on... I am much older than I was the last time I was on the market and all the confidence that comes with the body of a 23 year old is long gone.
I am considering as a first next step... not sharing a bedroom with him anymore. My daughter and I can share the master and he can have her room... I know a lot of you think I should just leave on account of everything else but... I have to do this in steps if I do it at all...Would moving him into a separate room be appropriate do you think?
I would also need to set myself up to be financially independent, which may involve going back to school but will def require I find a better job as the two part time ones I have just won't cut it.
Please advise.