A new adventure

There I sent a text to talk to him after he gets off work (yes I sent him a message first) I don't get all this dating stuff, it all hurts and feels good in the same day. I just want to be happy and not fight with T any more. I was up most of the night crying mostly cause T is upset with me, but yes cause i have to talk with D today.I am so scared that it will not go well.I truly feel a conection with D and I see it in his eyes when we are together and T says it all the time( He's falling hard for you) Hell he shaved his head but asked me first if i would be ok with it.Hell yesterday we all went to David's Bridal and I tried on my wedding dress for him and T, he told T "Wow she looks so beatiful in that dress, but she would look that way in any dress"
So I guess we have mixed feelings here. But I need to put it out there so we are on the same page.
I will not let someone come between T and myself.
 
She has tried the "let's have some coffee" thing. Same result. In fact, he says he doesn't like coffee, but prefers hot chocolate. So, she invites him to Starbucks so he can have hot chocolate while she drinks coffee....Same result. I can understand this though....because a coffee shop SMELLS so strongly like coffee. I think it actually turns his stomach to even SMELL coffee. Nothing wrong with that. But she has asked him to simply take her out....and nothing.

I suggested to her, that she lay back for a little while, and let HIM pursue HER. She got pissed at me. My thought process is this: If he takes an active roll in pursueing her, then he is interested. If not, then he could care less, and she is just a piece of ass to him. (which may or may not be "ok" with her. I have no idea)

I just get so worried that he is going to hurt her.....Not physically....but emotionally. And who has to help her pick up the pieces? Yep...Me.

She has asked him to simply go to the beach, or just hang out at the mall or she even suggested that HE make some plans to go somewhere. He said "ok", but has yet to step up to the plate and actually DO it.

Now, in his defense, he IS the outsider, and doesn't want to piss me off or cross any of my personal boundries. I can respect that. He asked L out last week once when she called him. He asked if she would mind if he came to visit with her while she was waiting for me to get off work, at Startbucks on Friday. (L goes to Startbucks to wait for me to get off work on Fridays. We go out to lunch after my work, and then ride our motorcycle around and enjoy each others company) She told him that I had an issue with them going out on dates while I was at work. He immediatly said that he was fine with that, and appologized. He also apologized for being so distant the last few weeks. (It has been almost 2 weeks since L has even SEEN D) He said that he noticed that she had stopped texting him as much. To which she replied that the phone works both ways, and he could text her first. He didn't respond.

Breathes & I are sort of in a similar situation. He has two other women he's interested in. One is a long time friend & FWB. He's invited her for coffee, over to hang out, offered to go to her house...to no avail. Part of it is she is a single mom of three young kids so is hard pressed to find kid free time but a good deal of it is that she only wants him in her life when it's convenient for HER. ie. Sunday nights he would text her to see if she was free for coffee Monday after he got off work. More often than not the answer would either be no or no response at all.

We have talked about it. Even though I want to tell him to just drop her and anything to do with her I won't. It would hurt him even more than she is & it might shake our very foundations...something I don't want. He has finally stopped even trying to make a date with her. His words were similar to L's--she can use the phone/computer just as well as he can, let her do the communicating for once.

Unless we have something planned he's ALWAYS available for her, she knows this and takes advantage of it when she thinks it will do her the most good. Example: In May we were all at a play party (Breathes & M & Possibility & I) together. She went so they could play, had a babysitter, the whole nine yards. She asked him what he would like to see her wear. He gave her two or three options. She showed up and wasn't wearing any of the options. Later on they were talking and it turns out that she's making time for other men in her life but he's left standing in the cold, so to speak. He made our excuses, we made sure my volunteer shift was covered and Breathes, Possibility and I left.

I don't want to make this into a mini-story so I'll say that even though she's making a decision while she's hurt it might just be the right decision to make. However, it might be for the wrong reasons or a partial correct reason.
 
Just a note on quiet, introverted type guys (I live with one). If he has asked a couple times for a date and been turned down, justified or not, he maybe feeling rejected and therefore has stopped asking out of fear. They may say everything is fine, when it's not. You may have to play 20 questions in order to get any details out of him.
 
How does that explain all the douchebags in the world then?While I would love to think this is true of men, it just isn't. Sorry.

I agree, but I don't think I said that solves the problems with all of the douchebags in the world. It is true of men, whether they cheated or not. Sorry.

My thoughts, and I will quote where required. Not all men communicate or know how to communicate in the same way. To assume anything malicious by either of you, may be incorrect without all the information. Understand his communication style and you might understand more about how.

Well of course he doesn't have all of the information, but TL shouldn't be allowed to sit back and act like everything's okay. All I said was the he should just keep an open eye. No harm in that. He already described his communication style, which is really not a communication style.

Maybe he is just not into sex. Not every guy is a hornball. Has she tried "lets have coffee"...not sure but I would read to much into not wanting to have sex. Not every relationship is about sex either, maybe he doesn't even understand what he wants.

True, maybe the guy is confused, but if he is, then maybe he should reconsider staying in the relationship. Poly is more complex than mono. because its more than two people in the relationship. If you don't go into this with a clear head, knowing the possible outcomes, you're fucked.

Hmm this is a tough one. Can you feel that way, yes. Is it your job to confront him...well personally no, I don't think so. My personal opinion is it is your wifes confrontation. You can support her but it is her relationship. Its hard to do, but will be better for them if it is to work.

I disagree. I don't specifically know all of their boundaries, but if a guy is allowing someone to be with his wife, then he has a right to confront that person because that third party is involving themselves into an already established relationship, agreeing to their rules, no matter if its just the woman's boyfriend. Its not just her relationship, and he should have a right to express his concerns. I agree with SN. LT and TL need to play 20 questions to find out what's the deal here.
 
Ok, L and D met today to discuss this specific issue. I will allow her to post the results tomorrow as I have a tendency to mess things up. ;)
 
Ok I went and talked with D and we agreed to slow it all down. We are not ending it just letting things progress. I asked if he wanted alone time with me and he said not right now as he is still trying to build the bond between T & I. SO we have agreed to just slow down and see what may happen. I told him that was fine but as he also has another female he is pursuing then I am going to continue my search for a poly relationship. Not that I am trying to put what we have on the back burner just need to keep my options open.

True, maybe the guy is confused, but if he is, then maybe he should reconsider staying in the relationship. Poly is more complex than mono. because its more than two people in the relationship. If you don't go into this with a clear head, knowing the possible outcomes, you're fucked.

Yes I agree with this. He is confused but I told him we will take it slow and work on this.

I disagree. I don't specifically know all of their boundaries, but if a guy is allowing someone to be with his wife, then he has a right to confront that person because that third party is involving themselves into an already established relationship, agreeing to their rules, no matter if its just the woman's boyfriend. Its not just her relationship, and he should have a right to express his concerns. I agree with SN. LT and TL need to play 20 questions to find out what's the deal here.

This I also agree with but I want to try to talk it out with D first and then if things don't change, then I would ask T to talk with him. But I feel that I can handle this at this time,I have never ask T to not be involved. Just to stand back for this one and see where it may go.
 
Yeah...LOL I would have TOTALLY screwed that up. LOL
 
Well, things are fizzling out with L's D. :(

On a more positive note, L and I have found a unicorn. :D I will refer to her as "V". V is very much like me....just in female form. She and I share a lot of similarities. She is part Native American....So am I (and from the same tribe too)...She and I are both from almost the same part of Ohio. We both enjoy action movies, rock music, and numerous other things.

V and L get along GREAT!

Last Sunday, V, L, and I went out to have a picnic. It was nice. No kissing went on. Nothing sexuyal happened. Just three people trying to find common ground....Whcih was actually VERY easy. :D

This Sunday, we are all three going out to watch a movie. Maybe a kiss will happen? If not...No biggie. If so...COOL!
 
Well, things are fizzling out with L's D. :(

On a more positive note, L and I have found a unicorn. :D I will refer to her as "V". V is very much like me....just in female form. She and I share a lot of similarities. She is part Native American....So am I (and from the same tribe too)...She and I are both from almost the same part of Ohio. We both enjoy action movies, rock music, and numerous other things.

V and L get along GREAT!

Last Sunday, V, L, and I went out to have a picnic. It was nice. No kissing went on. Nothing sexuyal happened. Just three people trying to find common ground....Whcih was actually VERY easy. :D

This Sunday, we are all three going out to watch a movie. Maybe a kiss will happen? If not...No biggie. If so...COOL!

All very cool my friend! Good luck :)
 
WOO HOO!!!!!!!!

So tonight, I was at the mall with L (my wife). She said I should ask V if she wanted to go to my next fight on Dec 10th. So I did. Her response: "SURE!" I gave her the details of it, and told her I would understand if she had to work. It IS on a Friday, afterall. She said she would trade a shift with a co-worker so she could make it! WOW! Asside from my wife, I've never had a person who would reschedule their WORK schedule to watch me do ANYTHING. Let alone an MMA fight.

Then, I told V that L and I were going to Winghouse to watch UFC tomorrow night, and asked her if she would like to join us. She said SURE! I'm feeling pretty good right about now.

This is a different feeling than a sexual high.....it's more mellow, but feels good.
 
UPDATE TIME!!!!

We went out on Saturday night and watched the UFC fights with V. We all had a great time. I only actually saw TWO of the fights because I was spending so much time talking with L and V. LOL No kisses given, but I DID grab V's ass a bit when saying good evening. :D I know I know...I'm a pig. :( LOL

Then, Sunday, we all went to the mall and watched a movie together. I held hands with both L and V. It was so nice. Still no kisses. Why? Because I don't feel the moment. When it strikes, I hope I realize it. LOL We are setting up another date for this coming Sunday. :D HAPPY ME...........
 
WHEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! Yesterday, I was having a crappy morning.....L and I fought...bad! All because I asked if V could come visit me on my first lunch. (Which was poor judgement on my part) I left for work on the motorcycle....MAD! Not a good combination...Me on a motorcycle mad. I WAS going to leave w/o my helmet, but L mad me put it on anyway. So I get to work, and the day drags on and on....L and I argue more via text. Then, she appologizes.......

Wait...What?

Thats right...She appologizes. She said she was experiencing some jealousy about me and V. THEN....She offers to have V over to visit me for lunch, with her. I tell her no...She insists...I re-itterate my NO....and she does it anyway. :mad: Well, the day wanes on, and suddenly, it's time for me to get the heck out of there....I got off EARLY! It just so happened that I got off at the same time I usually have my second lunch. So, L and V show up....and we all go and have another picnic type lunch. We talked.....a LOT! Finally, V asks me what L and I are looking for in a relationship....

I explain that we want to find someone who is ok with BOTH of us. and with BEING with both of us. Someone who is OPEN to the idea of us all living together in the future....But that that was not a requirement. She said "ok". I explained that L and I ALWAYS play together when we meet new people, and if that was not something that was ok with her, I understood, but that we would likely never evolve into a sexual relationship. She again said "ok".

Then, I explained to her that I wasn't just looking to get laid. I told her that I wasn't sure if she had noticed that I was highly attracted to her or not, but that I had tried to keep my attraction to a minimum because this time around, I was trying to take things SLOW, so L and I could develop the RELATIONSHIP first, instead of the SEXUAL relationship first. I asked her if she had noticed this or not. She said she had wondered, but respected me for it.

Then I asked her the same question. Her answer? She wanted the same things we did! :D

I wanted to stop time and do the happy dance with L!

V said she likes her privacy though, and for now, LIKES going home, and then laying in bed and saying "Gosh...I really miss them." when she thinks about us. (This little phrase made L and I feel all goose pimply and warm inside)

So, for now...we are all just working on the relationship, going on dates together, and building the friendship that is so necissary for a long term relationship. :D
 
Well, more and more interaction between the three of us today via the internet. V only lives about 25 miles from us, but it IS fuel prohibitive on a tight budget. (Which all of us are on)

Did some texts today which went a little sexual. Althoguh I tried to restrain myself and keep it clean. ;) I AM a guy though, soooooo.......yeah. Then I told V why I was holding back again, and apologized. She said it was no problem.

We've got another date planned for Sunday. :D L and I can't wait! Going out to watch Burlesque. (A nice sexy movie! LOL That'll help things out a lot :rolleyes: )

V is so much like the both of us it's not even funny. She's like both of us mixed into one! Almost freaky in nature.

I love NRE...but I hate it at the same time. I like the way I feel on it's high....but the crash is almost insurmountable and impossible to deal with. Especially with a bi-polar disorder. Sigh...I keep trying to remind myself that this high, will come with an equal low, and to prepare for it. Where are my happy pills again? LOL
 
YES!!!!!!!!! Today, I was offered a job at a different shop! This job offer is JUST what I needed! It will get me out of working with S. Do you know how difficult it is going to work every stinking day with your ex's husband? Knowing that HE is the reason you're not together anymore? I mean, that sucks! I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Every day, you are reminded of your ex. And heaven forbid the hubby recieves a phone call while at work from her. It just brings back all kinds of memories. I have locked them all up in a safe vault in the depths of my heart. A place that even demons dare not to go. So, I have become hardened and caloused I guess. but it doesn't hurt as much now....

Moving on with my life, is EXACTLY what I need.

And when I quit this job....I'm going to tell S that I simply can't continue working with him on a daily basis as it brings back too many memories.
 
UGGH! Depression hit today. This combined with a mental melt down and a huge argument with my wife L. It all makes me not want to go on our date tomorrow with V. :( I keep trying to remind myself that tomorrow will be a better day....it's not helping yet. I need to find some quiet time alone working on my 65 Mustang.
 
Wow...Today was a good evening....L, V, and I all went out to dinner tonight. We spent about 4 hours just talking. About everything. One of the subjects, was moving in together. We are all on the same page about that part too! :D YAY!

L and myself went to V's house yesterday by her invite. It was nice to sit around and just talk so comfortably. This Sunday, we are having her over to our house to watch a movie. None of us can wait for Sunday to come. :p
 
TL, I am so glad for your job offer. Good luck! I'm glad your torture at working w that guy will soon be over.

Good for you for going slowly w the new woman, too. You definitely learned something last time around. I can so relate to getting carried away w the sexual part... high libidos can be a burden sometimes...
 
Magdlyn,
The new job offer hasn't completely happened yet. :( Apparently, the hiring boss went to Guatemala for a week today. :( Oh well. I can wait. As long as there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

In similar news, I was told by S's boss, that he (S) is not doing well at his job, and may end up getting himself fired. How do I handle that info? Hmmm....Then I was told by the same boss, that I would be getting a performance increase...even though I missed the eligibility date, by a day. And S, will NOT be getting a performance increase. :p Oh well. I may be taking over his position! If that happens, that would be great for me. But I still love his kids....and this would hurt them. So how do I handle this info? I stay quiet about it. and let him dig his own grave with it I guess. COULD I give him a heads up? Possibly, but it would only serve to make him even more mad at me, and possibly get him pissed off enough to try to get ME fired....Which he could easily do. So I remain quiet.


In other news, I have finally gotten a few kisses from V. Not great big sucking face tongue kisses...Just light easy lip kisses. They are very nice. I am enjoying this relationship the way it is going. I may not ever want to progress it to the sexual level, because it is so nice at this level. IDK....I'm feeling some depression trying to sneak up on me right now.
 
In similar news, I was told by S's boss, that he (S) is not doing well at his job, and may end up getting himself fired. How do I handle that info? Hmmm....Then I was told by the same boss, that I would be getting a performance increase...even though I missed the eligibility date, by a day. And S, will NOT be getting a performance increase. :p Oh well. I may be taking over his position! If that happens, that would be great for me. But I still love his kids....and this would hurt them. So how do I handle this info? I stay quiet about it. and let him dig his own grave with it I guess. COULD I give him a heads up? Possibly, but it would only serve to make him even more mad at me, and possibly get him pissed off enough to try to get ME fired....Which he could easily do. So I remain quiet.

Sorry, but it really was bad form for his boss to tell you that. I would remain quite, who knows if they are playing head games or not. The whole situation would make me nervous.

Hopefully the other job will work out for you.
 
Fuck...I'm seriously considering just calling everything off...anything to do with poly....I can't handle other peoples jealouseys. When they get jealous, it makes me not want to continue on, because of the pain it causes. Just about ready to give it all up and call it quits. I can't do anything "right" and no matter how hard I try, the only way not to say something "wrong", is to not talk. I UNDERSTAND their jealousies....but it's difficult


So...What do I do?

I'm at a point in this relationship (with V) where I don't want to open up anymore....I have a LOT of walls in place for self preservation purposes. It hurts too bad, to open up completely, only to get shit on later. I have deliberatly separated myself from my emotions so I don't get hurt again. And that sucks.
 
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