FieryFlames
New member
So... hello! I'm FieryFlames, and my husband also just joined the forum (PhysicsIsPants). I'm 26 and he's 27, and we've been married since November 2007.
How we met: Truthfully, I thought he was a creeper the first time I met him in chemistry lab during our first semester in college. He didn't really do anything wrong - it's just that three other guys had already tried hitting on me in the first month of college and I assumed he was doing the same. Turns out, he wasn't. He ended up tutoring me in chemistry for a couple months and we ended up liking each other enough to start dating. We just clicked in a profound way. We married in our sophomore year and walked the stage one after the other at graduation.
So, our relationship: Most people figured we wouldn't last long, always saying that the first [x] years of a marriage are the hardest, and we'd see just how hard "real life" could be. Funny how that number was always one or two more years than the number of years we'd been married... no matter how long it had been. *sigh*
Honestly, being married has made life easier. We have someone to depend on, someone we know will be there for unconditional support and love. Our relationship has always been easy, and I get the impression that this bothers some people (particularly, those who made the comments about marriage being hard!). Of course, life hasn't been easy - it's been a mess more often than not - but life's troubles and challenges always drive us closer together rather than apart. Kind of an us-against-the-world approach, like we've always got each other's back no matter what.
We love each other deeply, on many levels. Friends, romantic partners, lovers... it's all there. We talk constantly about everything, like a never-ending conversation, and when we disagree or have issues it's just a continuation of that conversation. We value calm and peace in our relationship but try to maintain it through open communication rather than avoidance of issues. Most of our friends think it's weird, but it's worked very well for us so far. We've had occasional issues where one of us (usually me) drops the ball on communication, but we've always been able to work through it. We are well aware that neither of us intends to hurt the other and, like I said, we turn towards each other in times of stress and crisis. Talking, talking, and more talking. Oh, and lots of cuddling.
Polyamory becomes a consideration: We always thought we were very exclusive in the sense that we have never really had an inclination to open our relationship to anyone else. We seemed to have a very loving, understanding, and forgiving relationship that functioned well... so it never seriously crossed our minds that opening our relationship would be something we'd want to do.
But for the past year we've had a serious ongoing conversation about my sudden drop in libido. We concluded that it's not related to problems in our relationship, but my doctor hasn't been able to offer any suggestions beyond couple's counseling.... which of course is incredibly unhelpful, given that our relationship is strong and I feel safe, loved, and secure in it. There's just not a lot of research into physiological reasons for low libido in women - they assume it's all emotional. How frustrating.
Anyway, my husband and I have a best friend who had become his primary confidant outside of our relationship. He was discussing his sexual frustration with her and she mentioned polyamory as a possible option, though she wasn't sure about my reception to it. Hubby brought it up with me, and after mulling it over I determined that I would be okay with giving that a shot. But two things that came to mind:
Our friend had been in a poly triad once before, so we knew the idea wouldn't come as a shock at least. It turns out, she was surprised... because she figured we probably wouldn't be interested and even if we were, we surely wouldn't ask her.
She was concerned about things not working out and losing the friendship, something we had also considered. Ultimately, we found it worth the risk and agreed that we'd like to be in a relationship together.
That was a couple of months ago, and we've been navigating a lot of unexpected things along the way. Truthfully, the past month has been particularly rough as she's dealt with some emotional blows at work and from the loss of her dog, all of which resulted in her shutting down so hard that we didn't see her for a few weeks. That's been hard, and we're still in the process of addressing the fallout from that. But that's another story for another thread in a different section!
I'm still in awe that I've discovered I can love two people the way that I do. And it doesn't take anything away from the existing relationship that my husband and I have together. It's just... lovely and great.
How we met: Truthfully, I thought he was a creeper the first time I met him in chemistry lab during our first semester in college. He didn't really do anything wrong - it's just that three other guys had already tried hitting on me in the first month of college and I assumed he was doing the same. Turns out, he wasn't. He ended up tutoring me in chemistry for a couple months and we ended up liking each other enough to start dating. We just clicked in a profound way. We married in our sophomore year and walked the stage one after the other at graduation.
So, our relationship: Most people figured we wouldn't last long, always saying that the first [x] years of a marriage are the hardest, and we'd see just how hard "real life" could be. Funny how that number was always one or two more years than the number of years we'd been married... no matter how long it had been. *sigh*
Honestly, being married has made life easier. We have someone to depend on, someone we know will be there for unconditional support and love. Our relationship has always been easy, and I get the impression that this bothers some people (particularly, those who made the comments about marriage being hard!). Of course, life hasn't been easy - it's been a mess more often than not - but life's troubles and challenges always drive us closer together rather than apart. Kind of an us-against-the-world approach, like we've always got each other's back no matter what.
We love each other deeply, on many levels. Friends, romantic partners, lovers... it's all there. We talk constantly about everything, like a never-ending conversation, and when we disagree or have issues it's just a continuation of that conversation. We value calm and peace in our relationship but try to maintain it through open communication rather than avoidance of issues. Most of our friends think it's weird, but it's worked very well for us so far. We've had occasional issues where one of us (usually me) drops the ball on communication, but we've always been able to work through it. We are well aware that neither of us intends to hurt the other and, like I said, we turn towards each other in times of stress and crisis. Talking, talking, and more talking. Oh, and lots of cuddling.
Polyamory becomes a consideration: We always thought we were very exclusive in the sense that we have never really had an inclination to open our relationship to anyone else. We seemed to have a very loving, understanding, and forgiving relationship that functioned well... so it never seriously crossed our minds that opening our relationship would be something we'd want to do.
But for the past year we've had a serious ongoing conversation about my sudden drop in libido. We concluded that it's not related to problems in our relationship, but my doctor hasn't been able to offer any suggestions beyond couple's counseling.... which of course is incredibly unhelpful, given that our relationship is strong and I feel safe, loved, and secure in it. There's just not a lot of research into physiological reasons for low libido in women - they assume it's all emotional. How frustrating.
Anyway, my husband and I have a best friend who had become his primary confidant outside of our relationship. He was discussing his sexual frustration with her and she mentioned polyamory as a possible option, though she wasn't sure about my reception to it. Hubby brought it up with me, and after mulling it over I determined that I would be okay with giving that a shot. But two things that came to mind:
- I wasn't comfortable with starting a relationship with a stranger. It would need to be someone we already knew and trusted.
- It also needed to be something we were approaching as a long-term relationship, not a temporary fling.
Our friend had been in a poly triad once before, so we knew the idea wouldn't come as a shock at least. It turns out, she was surprised... because she figured we probably wouldn't be interested and even if we were, we surely wouldn't ask her.
She was concerned about things not working out and losing the friendship, something we had also considered. Ultimately, we found it worth the risk and agreed that we'd like to be in a relationship together.That was a couple of months ago, and we've been navigating a lot of unexpected things along the way. Truthfully, the past month has been particularly rough as she's dealt with some emotional blows at work and from the loss of her dog, all of which resulted in her shutting down so hard that we didn't see her for a few weeks. That's been hard, and we're still in the process of addressing the fallout from that. But that's another story for another thread in a different section!
I'm still in awe that I've discovered I can love two people the way that I do. And it doesn't take anything away from the existing relationship that my husband and I have together. It's just... lovely and great.
