Advice and suggestions for M

N

NextChapter

New member
After a lifetime of monogamy and 10 year faithful :cool:marriage I'm finally and happily free.

Ready to embrace my longtime bi-curious tendencies. After much research and reading I feel I am ready to join the open/poly world.
Ideally I'd like to find just one couple to explore that with. Of course trust, honesty, and communication is key. And certainly respect of the rules.
I DO NOT want a serious commitment.
So there would be no chance of falling in love and disrupting a relationship. That's the last thing I want or need.
My life is absolutely beautiful so I would like to add to that with fulfillment and friends.
Basically wanting fun with a comfortable experienced bi couple.

So the dilemma is how do start looking.
Apps? Which ones.
Is there a safe way to ask a couple I already know if they are, without disrespecting?

Appreciative from STL
Thank you
 
NextChapter said:
After a lifetime of monogamy and 10 year faithful :cool:marriage I'm finally and happily free.
Click to expand...

Congrats! That must feel awesome.

I am ready to embrace my longtime bi-curious tendencies. After much research and reading I feel I am ready to join the open/poly world.
Ideally I'd like to find just one couple to explore that with.
Click to expand...

If you have done a lot of reading you've surely come across the fact that managing a triad, or even getting off the ground with one, is absolutely the most difficult way to go.

Of course trust, honesty, and communication is key. And certainly respect of the rules.
I DO NOT want a serious commitment, so there would be no chance of falling in love and disrupting a relationship; that's the last thing I want or need.
Click to expand...

You're assuming any couple you do manage to find just wants a woman to be a sexual plaything. A toy to be used or discarded as they wish. After all, they have no feelings for you! Maybe you get one night, maybe you get a few weeks of adult sex fun. Then again, what if love does crop up? It has a tendency to do that with sex partners. What happens then?

What you want is to swing. There are other websites for swinging.
My life is absolutely beautiful, so I would like to add to that with fulfillment and friends. I am basically wanting fun with a comfortable experienced bi couple.
Click to expand...

If you're a bi female, you want a couple with a man (he could be bi or straight), and a bi woman.


So the dilemma is how do start looking.
Apps? Which ones?
Click to expand...

Swinging ones. Or Fetlife. Or Tinder. Or even OK Cupid, if you're willing to be out there as a single woman looking for a MF couple who want a casual relationship with a bi female. Be prepared to be deluged. You will look like the perfect unicorn. Be prepared to be treated like a disposable sex toy. Most couples (except for official swingers) who are unicorn hunting are NOT experienced and may treat you like shit. And you may only be attracted to one or the other of them, after a couple romps. Then all kinds of painful jealousy issues might crop up, despite any "rules" about feelings.

Is there a safe way to ask a couple I already know if they are, without disrespecting?
Click to expand...

If you're friends with them already, and there has been flirting, come right out and ask. There's no disrespect in just asking. Clarity of communication is key. Innuendos are confusing and can be hurtful in the long run.

What often happens, and we hear about here, is, you all get tipsy one night,
flirting turns to touching, touching turns to sex. It seems fine and exciting for a time... then it all goes south and you lose the friends you had.
 
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If you're a bi woman (as I am, as my nesting partner is), why do you need a committed MF couple? You really really want all sex to be all three of you all the time?

If you also want one on one sex, you could do what most people find is easier, get out there and date people one on one. A male, he could be bi or not, poly or not, a swinger or not. He just wants a woman for sex, friendship, NSA. There are millions of men like that. Oh so many horny men who aren't in touch with their feelings! Oh my freaking god. I've been deluged since 2009. And I was 54 when I joined OK Cupid. Just put up a relatively good pic on OKC or Tinder. They won't even read your profile. You could even post the back of your head, in fact, and still get messages or swipes.

Seek a lesbian or bi woman as well. A female, she could be single, polysexual, or a swinger. She doesn't want love (for some reason). Most women, by and large, don't feel very attracted to someone unless there is a click, at least some things in common, some fondness.

Maybe, if you find 2 people like that, they might want to meet each other. If the woman is bi, maybe there might be attraction. Maybe you all will agree to try 3way sex, even. No guarantees. But that way, your M and F partners are not committed, and the chance of jealousy and possessiveness will be less.
 
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Hello NextChapter,
Congrats on your newfound freedom! :D

In the title of your thread, when you say, "Advice and suggestions for M," I assume that by M you mean Male. Correct me if I'm wrong. Here are some links to help you start looking:

Of the above list, my top suggestions would be Tinder and OKC. As for the couple you already know, you could casually say in a conversation, "I have recently become interested in open and poly. Do you know anything about that? How do you feel about it?" If they don't know what that is, you could always describe it to them, and use that as a conversation starter from there.

Anyway these are just some thoughts,
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
kdt26417 said:
In the title of your thread, when you say, "Advice and suggestions for M," I assume that by M you mean Male.
Click to expand...

Oh gosh. M for male. Oh well. I might need to write a different response, then. There are a lot of guys who won't "do bi stuff" unless there is a woman in the mix to "force" or "encourage" them.
 
Magdlyn said:
Congrats! That must feel awesome.



If you have done a lot of reading you've surely come across the fact that managing a triad, or even getting off the ground with one, is absolutely the most difficult way to go.



You're assuming any couple you do manage to find just wants a man to be a sexual plaything. A toy to be used or discarded as they wish. After all, they have no feelings for you! Maybe you get one night, maybe you get a few weeks of adult sex fun. Then again, what if love does crop up? It has a tendency to do that with sex partners. What happens then?

What you want is to swing. There are other websites for swinging.


If you're a bi male, you want a couple with a woman (she could be bi or straight), and a bi man.




Swinging ones. Or Fetlife. Or Tinder. Or even OK Cupid, if you're willing to be out there as a single man looking for a MF couple who want a casual relationship with a bi male. Be prepared to be patient. You will look like the perfect horned unicorn but you'll have to market yourself well. Be prepared to be treated like a disposable sex toy. Most couples (except for official swingers) who are unicorn hunting are NOT experienced and may treat you like shit. And you may only be attracted to one or the other of them, after a couple romps. Then all kinds of painful jealousy issues might crop up, despite any "rules" about feelings.



If you're friends with them already, and there has been flirting, come right out and ask. There's no disrespect in just asking. Clarity of communication is key. Innuendos are confusing and can be hurtful in the long run.

What often happens, and we hear about here, is, you all get tipsy one night,
flirting turns to touching, touching turns to sex. It seems fine and exciting for a time... then it all goes south and you lose the friends you had.
Click to expand...



There we go, fixed it ;)
 
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