Dutchess62
New member
Hello All ,
I am back from California ( read my intro post if you need ) and I want to thank everyone who left condolences , just said they were sorry or saw this was an issue that needed to be talked about and in some instances needs to be on paper and notarized .
As some know my legal husband (15 yrs) and I lost our partner of 10 years at 53 in his sleep while in LA seeing his mom .
Since I wrote his sister intervened and I WAS able to go to the funeral . She reminded mom that they rarely saw him but that we were who he loved and were his "tribe" . My husband still could not go but one of us was better than none .
I am glad I went but it was very hard to grieve . I did get to see him but it was not easy . Strangely his mom came to me and asked if I would dress him and we did .
He was such an androgynous beauty in life - he dressed as a man , a woman or something in between but she had him in a suit . This was our first time to
meet as well . She ( with sister at the helm ) let me put his favorite flowers, pics of us and some of my hair and jewelry in with him, his Valentines and birthday gifts. His birthday is the 21st of Feb .
He had wanted to be cremated and mixed with us but that wasn't going to happen .
I walked into the middle of a old time snake handling revival and I made it through . K would have FREAKED if he had known . I was introduced as his "friend who loved him deeply " and was in really deep terrible grief. the sky was beautiful where he grew up and became a skier in the Sierra's and it was a
pretty day. This was good because
whoever she had come do the service did not talk about K at all but about the pastors short lived MLB career ??? and yes of all the horrors singled me out of the family section and attempted to make me come up and "Be saved". I refused . Then he threatened I would never see him again if I did not ... I could not make this up . I kept my eyes on K's casket and powered through . Funeral director must have been watching closely , he let me stay all the way through , until it was he , I and the backhoe man. Then we buried him . The FDirector had me come over before we rolled the lawn part back out and had me get in
the loose dirt and put my hand prints over his heart. He knew I was not his "friend", thought the saving thing was an awful scare tactic and I am grateful he let me do this. It was a country cemetery in Cal so the rules were loose .
If you are in any poly relationship and are older or know it will probably be for life please put what YOU want in writing and have it notarized , everyone should really but it really hit home here . Without the sister we would have been totally out with professional mourners from his moms church . Apparently.
We are now trying to get used to the new normal and find a comfortable place to be able to live with this , He was so tough I really thought he would be the last of us to go . Don't know if we will have another partner . He was one of a kind and we took our family very seriously . His mom gave me all of his things that were even remotely femme that he kept or had with him and some things that weren't . He left me some beautiful things material and non material . He left my husband some beautiful things as well . Same with my 17 yr old who he raised since she was of course 10 . We all miss him terribly . I am literally ill in bed still . I think alot of it is the shock .
Myself-Straight 55 yr poly girl
Legal husband- Gender fluid 54 yr old
Our "Other Husband " androgynous almost 54 yr old 1964- 1/29/2018
I am back from California ( read my intro post if you need ) and I want to thank everyone who left condolences , just said they were sorry or saw this was an issue that needed to be talked about and in some instances needs to be on paper and notarized .
As some know my legal husband (15 yrs) and I lost our partner of 10 years at 53 in his sleep while in LA seeing his mom .
Since I wrote his sister intervened and I WAS able to go to the funeral . She reminded mom that they rarely saw him but that we were who he loved and were his "tribe" . My husband still could not go but one of us was better than none .
I am glad I went but it was very hard to grieve . I did get to see him but it was not easy . Strangely his mom came to me and asked if I would dress him and we did .
He was such an androgynous beauty in life - he dressed as a man , a woman or something in between but she had him in a suit . This was our first time to
meet as well . She ( with sister at the helm ) let me put his favorite flowers, pics of us and some of my hair and jewelry in with him, his Valentines and birthday gifts. His birthday is the 21st of Feb .
He had wanted to be cremated and mixed with us but that wasn't going to happen .
I walked into the middle of a old time snake handling revival and I made it through . K would have FREAKED if he had known . I was introduced as his "friend who loved him deeply " and was in really deep terrible grief. the sky was beautiful where he grew up and became a skier in the Sierra's and it was a
pretty day. This was good because
whoever she had come do the service did not talk about K at all but about the pastors short lived MLB career ??? and yes of all the horrors singled me out of the family section and attempted to make me come up and "Be saved". I refused . Then he threatened I would never see him again if I did not ... I could not make this up . I kept my eyes on K's casket and powered through . Funeral director must have been watching closely , he let me stay all the way through , until it was he , I and the backhoe man. Then we buried him . The FDirector had me come over before we rolled the lawn part back out and had me get in
the loose dirt and put my hand prints over his heart. He knew I was not his "friend", thought the saving thing was an awful scare tactic and I am grateful he let me do this. It was a country cemetery in Cal so the rules were loose .
If you are in any poly relationship and are older or know it will probably be for life please put what YOU want in writing and have it notarized , everyone should really but it really hit home here . Without the sister we would have been totally out with professional mourners from his moms church . Apparently.
We are now trying to get used to the new normal and find a comfortable place to be able to live with this , He was so tough I really thought he would be the last of us to go . Don't know if we will have another partner . He was one of a kind and we took our family very seriously . His mom gave me all of his things that were even remotely femme that he kept or had with him and some things that weren't . He left me some beautiful things material and non material . He left my husband some beautiful things as well . Same with my 17 yr old who he raised since she was of course 10 . We all miss him terribly . I am literally ill in bed still . I think alot of it is the shock .
Myself-Straight 55 yr poly girl
Legal husband- Gender fluid 54 yr old
Our "Other Husband " androgynous almost 54 yr old 1964- 1/29/2018
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