Advice on overcoming relationship anxiety from negative poly experience/phantom ex
- Thread starter Ottermage
- Start date
I took the liberty of adding names for your partner and metamour, for clarity.
This does sound complicated, the continuation of Sam and Faline's relationship, or at least feelings for each other, and the way Sam has gone about managing to share his time between you and Faline, and his tendency to promise something (no sex, no other intimate sexual behaviors) but then not doing that, breaking his promises.
As for your main question, about needing more resources-- you can do searches here for specific terms-- cheating, negotiating, lying, new to poly, etc. There are also quite a few good books on polyamory to look into. The most popular are Opening Up, and Polysecure. They will address your concerns.
This does sound complicated, the continuation of Sam and Faline's relationship, or at least feelings for each other, and the way Sam has gone about managing to share his time between you and Faline, and his tendency to promise something (no sex, no other intimate sexual behaviors) but then not doing that, breaking his promises.
As for your main question, about needing more resources-- you can do searches here for specific terms-- cheating, negotiating, lying, new to poly, etc. There are also quite a few good books on polyamory to look into. The most popular are Opening Up, and Polysecure. They will address your concerns.
Even though the OP has done a delete on their post, resources were being asked for regarding moving beyond past experiences that had left a bit of angst behind, essentially, their partner behaving like a sloppy hinge with his now ex. Here is our pinned thread with a variety of options:
Thread 'Most commonly cited advice articles master thread' https://polyamory.com/threads/most-commonly-cited-advice-articles-master-thread.155304/
Thread 'Most commonly cited advice articles master thread' https://polyamory.com/threads/most-commonly-cited-advice-articles-master-thread.155304/
Hello Ottermage,
It sounds like Sam and Faline are destined to get back together again, I think their feelings for each other are a runaway train. You can't stop the train from picking up speed, but you can read books, and get more therapy. Hopefully the advice you've gotten on this thread will help.
Regards,
Kevin T.
It sounds like Sam and Faline are destined to get back together again, I think their feelings for each other are a runaway train. You can't stop the train from picking up speed, but you can read books, and get more therapy. Hopefully the advice you've gotten on this thread will help.
Regards,
Kevin T.