Coveny
New member
I'm working on some ground rules for my poly relationship and I'd like some CONSTRUCTIVE feedback. I'm looking for something along the lines of 2-3 doesn't take into account X, 4-2 could be construed as Y, 1-1 is vague, 3-3 should include Z, etc. It's not constructive if you make blanket statements like "It sucks", so please include not only your opinion but how it can be improved.
- Respect
- Partner’s partner – Don’t be mean, treat them as disposable, or try to sabotage their relationship
- Equality – If everyone isn’t equal, then it isn’t polyamory
- Time – Agree on allocated times (1 on 1, whole poly, etc.)
- *Note* Me time is included in this equality
- Couples/Nesting Privilege/Validity – An active effort will be made to be more accommodating to the newest member of the poly to offset established privilege
- No one get’s “hidden”
- Time – Agree on allocated times (1 on 1, whole poly, etc.)
- Cheating – Don’t agree to close the relationship if can’t keep your word
- Time – Respect other’s partner’s time with each other
- Disagreements - Keep it above the waistline
- Blame - Work to resolve feelings/issue, not blame
- Manipulation/abuse – Threats, playing on insecurities, coercion, gaslighting, etc. do not produce health relationships.
- Communication
- New Partners – Proceed with care
- Regular – Feelings change, relationships change, and regular communication of your feelings helps to prevent hurt feelings
- Honesty and Open – Tell the poly how you feel, what your needs and motivations are
- Jealousy/Possessiveness – Active work through them together for a healthy relationship
- Sex
- Safe Sex Circle– Confine exchange of bodily fluids to previously screened for STDs.
- Let everyone know if you didn’t BEFORE spreading possible STDs
- Testing – Proof of testing before fluid exchange
- Re-testing – If there is a chance of STDs
- Sharing – Just because your partner is having sex with someone doesn’t mean you get, and your partner is not responsible for finding your partners
- Safe Sex Circle– Confine exchange of bodily fluids to previously screened for STDs.
- Money
- Stealing –Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you get to use their property, money, etc. without their approval
- Financial Infidelity – Don’t misuse of joint funds on anything not approved by the poly
- Financial independence – Contribute your part to the poly
- Self-awareness
- Own your own shit – Just because you feel bad doesn’t mean someone did something wrong, take responsibility for what you’ve said and done.
- Insecurities – Communicate them, and work on them
- Realistic – More personalities equate to more temperaments, preferences, etc. Poly relationships require more work than monogamous ones. Also Poly relationships are going to more changes, and bring up more insecurities.