Advice Please

[Ariakas]

No, you're thinking about it just fine. You certainly have had experience with trying to do triads (and quads, I believe).

Correct, a "married" quad (really more like side by side triads since the men weren't involved (and I feel bad saying men, she was at the time and has now transitioned)) for 11 years with 4 kids, and a house.

Have had several successful triads too, always walk away being better.

The only way this isn't an immediate red flag, would be if this was a master slave scenario... whats the saying. Something about not pissing on someones kink, god my brain... Its not my thing, I dont dig the whole M&S scene since it feels like a red flag from the get go. However if that is what this is, the leans a little more towards intentional nonconsent.

 

[LaminarFlow]

"we have chosen" is a very specific type of phrase. You might really want to look at what YOU want. Truly.

Maybe I am just overthinking it.

I agree. It's also what couples say when they are unicorn-hunter like picking. Or the mono is being "coerced" into a poly dynamic.
Alarm bells are ringing too.

 

[Magdlyn]

Correct, a "married" quad (really more like side by side triads since the men weren't involved). (And I feel bad saying men; she was at the time and has now transitioned.)

One of the partners in your quad was a transwoman, you mean? And you weren't romantically involved with her, just with your wife and the other wife (a cis woman)? It was you, a cis male, your wife, a cis female, with another woman, also cis, and the 4th partner was a transwoman? Your wife was sexually/romantically involved with both members of the other couple, but you were only involved with the cis women...?

Sheesh, these things are like trigonometry. (Which I flunked the first time I took it in high school lol)

11 years with 4 kids and a house.

I've have had several successful triads too. I always walk away being better.

What do you mean, you walk away being better?

The only way this isn't an immediate red flag, would be if this was a master slave scenario... whats the saying? Something about not pissing on someones kink.

Your kink is not my kink, and that's okay?

God, my brain... It's not my thing. I don't dig the whole M/s scene, since it feels like a red flag from the get go. However, if that is what this is, it leans a little more towards intentional non-consent.

 

[Ariakas]

One of the partners in your quad was a transwoman, you mean? And you weren't romantically involved with her, just with your wife and the other wife (a cis woman)? It was you, a cis male, your wife, a cis female, with another woman, also cis, and the 4th partner was a transwoman? Your wife was sexually/romantically involved with both members of the other couple, but you were only involved with the cis women...?

He was a male the entire relationship. At the tail end, he transitioned. We were never in a romantic relationship.

The rest is easy.

And ya flow charts were useful.

Sheesh, these things are like trigonometry. (Which I flunked the first time I took it in high school lol)

What do you mean, you walk away being better?


Your kink is not my kink, and that's okay?

Ya thats a good saying, but there is a funny saying about it I can't remember. Jeez... *looks through brain*

 

[Evie]

"don't yuck my yum"?

I remember the first time I saw this, it was a writing on FL. It seems to have caught on.

 

[Ariakas]

"don't yuck my yum"?

I remember the first time I saw this, it was a writing on FL. It seems to have caught on.

yes. this one. merci

 

[SlowPoly]

I agree. It's also what couples say when they are unicorn-hunter like picking. Or the mono is being "coerced" into a poly dynamic.
Alarm bells are ringing too.

Also this bit:

We both want to play together at all times, that is where our certain kinks fall. We don't want separately.

When there’s a third person (in this case a specific third person), “we both want” is leaving out a whole person, two dyads, and a trio.