Hello everyone,
I really don't know what I'm looking for here. The answer may be completely obvious and I just don't want to face it but if anyone has any ideas, I'm really just trying to figure this out.
My wife and I were monogamous for the first five years of our marriage. Unfortunately in January, we lost our son, he was stillborn. My wife's mental health collapsed and things got very bad. One of my oldest and best friends (S) and her wife (B) moved in to help us with her mental health and our two living children. Very quickly after moving in, my wife slept with B while she was impaired and really mentally unwell. A few days later, they brought the idea of a polyamorous relationship to S and then a few days later to me. Of course, I didn't know that this is what had happened at that time. However, I've always been okay with polyamory as a concept and these were people I loved and trusted, I thought we could have a good life and I agreed.
What followed was in absolutely no way a polyamorous relationship. It was brutally cruel, full of lies, manipulation, and gaslighting.
Eventually, I left.
My wife is doing a lot better now and trying to address her mental health. S and B are no longer together and B has left the house. My wife wants to try and rebuild our relationship and I love her and desperately want my life and home back and to put my kids' home back together. But she is not willing to end her relationship with S either.
I don't believe I'm capable of polyamory. I don't know if I'm capable of being in a monogamous relationship with someone else who is polyamorous. I can't tell how much of my feelings are a consequence of the terrbile experience I had and how much is from my understanding and knowing myself better now than I did before.
I have a great support structure of loving family and friends, but they are all pretty pro-monogamy. I'm just looking for the point of view of some polyamorous folks who might see things a little differently.
I really don't know what I'm looking for here. The answer may be completely obvious and I just don't want to face it but if anyone has any ideas, I'm really just trying to figure this out.
My wife and I were monogamous for the first five years of our marriage. Unfortunately in January, we lost our son, he was stillborn. My wife's mental health collapsed and things got very bad. One of my oldest and best friends (S) and her wife (B) moved in to help us with her mental health and our two living children. Very quickly after moving in, my wife slept with B while she was impaired and really mentally unwell. A few days later, they brought the idea of a polyamorous relationship to S and then a few days later to me. Of course, I didn't know that this is what had happened at that time. However, I've always been okay with polyamory as a concept and these were people I loved and trusted, I thought we could have a good life and I agreed.
What followed was in absolutely no way a polyamorous relationship. It was brutally cruel, full of lies, manipulation, and gaslighting.
Eventually, I left.
My wife is doing a lot better now and trying to address her mental health. S and B are no longer together and B has left the house. My wife wants to try and rebuild our relationship and I love her and desperately want my life and home back and to put my kids' home back together. But she is not willing to end her relationship with S either.
I don't believe I'm capable of polyamory. I don't know if I'm capable of being in a monogamous relationship with someone else who is polyamorous. I can't tell how much of my feelings are a consequence of the terrbile experience I had and how much is from my understanding and knowing myself better now than I did before.
I have a great support structure of loving family and friends, but they are all pretty pro-monogamy. I'm just looking for the point of view of some polyamorous folks who might see things a little differently.