Age Gaps in Committed, Enduring Relationships


Active member
My new girlfriend is way, way younger than I am. She's 34, and I'm 58.

Initially, when she learned of my age, she was taken aback. The gap sort of freaked her out at first. But not so much for reasons of attraction to me, but mainly because of the fear of what others would think about us with such a big age gap.

Our emotional, intellectual and spiritual intimacy and compatibility is so off the charts good, as recognized by both of us, that not being romantic partners is simply not an acceptable option for us. Still, as part of my processing this stuff in myself I'd welcome a conversation here on this topic, provided that it is kind and respectful to us while also being honest and sincere.
I am almost 50 dating a 34 year old. The number itself bothered me at first but honestly our emotions iq matches well so I don't even notice today.

I think with experience. I know all ranges of folks that don't match my energy, maturity etc. Life skills and knowledge turn me on for long term. So in poly I attracted to people's passion, even if it isn't mine.

For non poly things I even have a limit. I really need some intelligence and passion to engage sexually. But the limit is lower.

In the end age didn't matter specifically but is a small portion of the truth. Age does crate wisdom and does start to finalize passion. It doesn't mean someone younger can't have that though :)

Ironic both my partners don't match me politically. I really do enjoy the proverbial brat haha
I will be 69 next month. My partners are 46 and 32. We don't care what people think. I feel sorry for people who live their lives to avoid displeasing others.

Do my partners have as much life experience and "wisdom" as I do? Not as much life experience in terms of years, obviously, but they are pretty savvy. When I met my gf she was 31 and I was 53. She'd already lived quite a full and challenging life. She'd suffered so many hardships and come out shining and amazing. Likewise, my bf had faced many hardships, but had also experienced and given love, platonic, familial and romantic. He's still learning, but then, so am I. He's big and strong and takes great care of me, is loving, intelligent, sincere, loyal and funny. Who cares that he's not my age? I find many people my age boring. And he finds that women his age may not share the same kinds of life goals as he has.

I quite enjoy nurturing them and watching them learn and grow.
Thanks, Magdlyn!

My g.f. quickly got over her concern about how others might perceive and respond to our age difference. I can completely empathize with her initial shock at learning how big the age gap was, and how friends and family might find it ... well, weird.
I guess she's not used to being seen as weird. I was born weird lol. Honestly, everyone is weird. Those that aren't weird are just hiding it.

Why can't we just be authentic to ourselves?

I've heard that many people stop caring what others think once they turn 40 or so. Maybe because their parents are infirm or dead? Parents judgement can make us pretty miserable, even if we work to avoid it.

Me, I never really cared what others thought. I mean, I like to be complimented, but I take well-meaning criticism as best I can, and just discard the rest.

I think it's short-sighted to think that just because there's an age gap, you couldn't possibly have anything in common. Of course, it's different when you're in your early 20s, and barely post-pubescent, but by the time you're in your 30s, you're less likely to be preyed upon.
Thanks for your words Ariakas.
We're SO in love that we're both taking all kinds of risks in order to follow our love where it takes us. It's a wild ride, and a great joy!

Definitely a very strongly heart-centered kind of love, with the crotch energy valued but not in the driver's seat in the least.
My wife was about 24 years older than me, and we got married in 1987 when I was still 21. I don't for a moment regret that, and I don't have a problem with age gaps. My wife passed away in 2013, she had Alzheimer's. I miss her very much.
My girlfriend is 18 years younger than me, but it doesn't feel like it. I suppose at a certain age it stops being a big issue.