Am I a Cuckold?

johncason

New member
For 7 years, I had an Asian wife. I am married to her with a sincere intention to build a family so that I got 2 kids.
I had a normal life for the first 3 years, but later she became sexually cold, or it is who seems to me.
Her excuses that she feels tired because of the kids, She was so tempered, rude sometimes. Her behavior developed an inferior feeling inside me, and she must be the dominant person.
I start reading about the dominant wife, which leads to knowing more about the Female dominant relationship, and then became interested in Cuckold.
Although she was aware of my readings, which I used to share with her, she was not showing an interest in playing the role of Dominant wife explicitly, but she was indeed acting as if she is.
Although she kept refusing Cuckold's fantasy, or it is how seems to me, but I had a strong feeling that that is not her real opinion.
because she accepted to get an oil massage by a Guy two times. this specific event drove me crazy hot, but confused, having two opposite persons fighting inside me (encouraging to continue & discouraging).

For some reason, she preferred to travel and stay with her family in another city.
But before this, and while I am this confusing, I could install Spy App to her mobile, which enabled me to discover that she is subscribed to dating websites, had at least 4 guys fucked her in hotels, in addition to so many nude photos for herself stored in her mobile.
She also declared to one guy that she tried 8 guys cucks before marriage.
In the end, I found out she filed a divorce case at the court.
Such findings shocked me...
My questions which I need your help to answer:
1- Am I a cuckold?
2- I feel painful, feel in the conflict between two sides of me (Encouraging, and discourage), how to overcome?
3- I have a strong desire to put my next, new wife in a test of loyalty. I became convinced that the wife is not necessarily loyal, and she can not be...I like to place the test, even there is no idea how it can be.
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
For 7 years, I had an Asian wife. I married her with a sincere intention to build a family. We have 2 kids.
I had a normal life for the first 3 years, but later she became sexually cold, or so it seemed to me. Her excuse was that she felt tired because of the kids, She was so bad tempered, rude sometimes. Because of her behavior, I developed an inferior feeling inside myself. She must be the dominant person.

I started reading about the dominant wife, which led to me learning more about the female dominant relationship. I then became interested in cuckoldry.

Although she was aware of my reading, which I used to share with her, she did not show an interest in playing the role of being the dominant wife explicitly, but she was indeed acting as if she was dominant. Although she kept refusing the cuckold fantasy, it is how it seemed to me. I had a strong feeling that that was not her real opinion. She had oil massages by a guy two times. This specific event made me crazy hot, but confused. I had two opposite persons fighting inside me (encouraging her to continue & discouraging).

For some reason, she preferred to travel and stay with her family in another city. Before this, while I was confused, I installed a spy app on her mobile, which enabled me to discover that she was subscribed to dating websites. At least 4 guys had fucked her in hotels. In addition, many nude photos of herself were stored in her mobile. She had declared to one guy that she had tried 8 cucks before our marriage.

In the end, she filed for divorce. Such findings shocked me.

My questions, which I need your help to answer:
1- Am I a cuckold?
2- I feel painful, in the conflict between the two sides of me (encouraging, and discouraging). How can I overcome this?
3- I have a strong desire to put my next, new wife to a test of loyalty. I became convinced that my wife was not necessarily loyal, and she could not be. I would like to place the test, even if I have no idea of how.
This doesn't sound like polyamory. If the idea of cuckoldry appeals to you, I'm sorry you and your wife weren't able to practice it consensually. Instead, she chose to cheat and lie, and you cheated by spying on her phone. This was not healthy.

I'm glad you're free to date others now. Do you want to find a Domme woman who will collaborate with you in the hotwife/cuck lifestyle? Or do you want a "loyal" partner, a vanilla marriage? You don't have to get married right away. You are free to explore other love styles.

You don't seem familiar with polyamory. There are websites for people into hotwifing and cuckoldry where you might find better advice.
 

icesong

Active member
I'm ... kind of uncomfortable with the OP's original post. Why is it even relevant that OP's (now-ex) wife was Asian? Not to mention the idea of "testing" a future partner is... not a great way to establish trust.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Hello johncason,

Based on your description, it is entirely possible that you may be a cuckold. Possibly a submissive as well. To overcome the conflict between your two sides, you must let the encouraging side win. I don't know how you could test your next new wife's loyalty, other than install Spy App to her mobile?

Sorry to hear about your recent divorce.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 

Inaniel

Member
3- I have a strong desire to put my next, new wife in a test of loyalty. I became convinced that the wife is not necessarily loyal, and she can not be...I like to place the test, even there is no idea how it can be.

I would discourage this idea. This is how traumas become infectious from one person to another.
 

Gmeter

New member
This doesn't sound like polyamory. If the idea of cuckoldry appeals to you, I'm sorry you and your wife weren't able to practice it consensually. Instead, she chose to cheat and lie, and you cheated by spying on her phone. This was not healthy.

I'm glad you're free to date others now. Do you want to find a Domme woman who will collaborate with you in the hotwife/cuck lifestyle? Or do you want a "loyal" partner, a vanilla marriage? You don't have to get married right away. You are free to explore other love styles.

You don't seem familiar with polyamory. There are websites for people into hotwifing and cuckoldry where you might find better advice.
The cheating part, I agree with. As far as cuckoldry, it's up to the administrators on this site.

I think there is room for people like johncason. Cuckoldry is different, but very related to polyamory. In some cases, it's a prerequisite for polyamory.

Johncason, I've heard many stories like yours. It's not uncommon for a wife to get bored, with sex, after years of monogamy. Many men are that way as well.

Your situation defines why monogamy just doesn't work for everyone. I'm sorry it ended the way it did for you. But, it did reinforce my belief in polyamory.

You are definitely a cuckold, but your pain is understandable. Like many men, you are torn between loyalty and what arouses you.

As long as my wife is loyal to me with her heart, she is free to explore the desires of her body. I am a cuckold. She has been a hotwife. But, our best experiences have been our long-term polyamorus relationships.
 

Inaniel

Member
Pardon my ignorance, but what exactly is a cuckold? Wikipedia defines it as the "husband of an adulterous wife". That definition wouldn't fall under the umbrella of consensual non-monogamy.
 

Gmeter

New member
Pardon my ignorance, but what exactly is a cuckold? Wikipedia defines it as the "husband of an adulterous wife". That definition wouldn't fall under the umbrella of consensual non-monogamy.
That's the original definition. The "Urban Dictionary" definition is more accurate now.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
JohnCason -- I hope you understand that you installing spyware on your ex-wife's phone was not ok to do. It was also not ok for her to cheat on you. I'm sorry it ended in divorce, but I think parting ways was best in that case.

Please do not carry your baggage from that relationship into your new relationships. Making a new partner "prove" her love or loyalty to you because the ex wife cheated and hurt you? How is whatever the old wife did the fault of the NEW person?

Could think about doing some work on yourself first. What do you need to heal inside yourself so you can...

  • Be open to trusting new people and engage healthy dating rather than dating with suspicions and a chip on your shoulder?
  • Trust yourself to pick out people of good character to date so there new shenanigans are less likely?
  • Trust yourself get you out of bad situations faster and deal with conflict resolution better?
  • Accept this side of your sexuality so you can eventually do fetish/kink with a partner like cuckholding in a HEALTHY way?

If you are into that kink? Start with educating yourself about it. Come to terms with this side of your sexuality -- that yeah, you like cuckholding!

"Cuckold, when used in a fetish context, describes the fetish of men who find masochistic pleasure in watching their wives have sex with other men. The man is complicit in the infidelity and often helps arrange the meetings. The couple need not necessarily be married, but there needs to be some kind of commitment between the two." (https://www.kinkly.com/definition/911/cuckold-bdsm)

Then when you date? Tell new potentials up front that you are into that kink from the beginning and would like to work toward that. Go from there.

If you decide you are NOT well enough at this point in time to do healthy kink? It would just fuel mistrust and insecurities if you started that too soon? You could take a time out to heal yourself and maybe seek a counselor.

Or maybe you give up the whole kink thing entirely.

Whether you kink or not, you have to feel safe with your partners and they in turn have to feel safe with you.

If you let your worries and insecurities or anxieties drive the show ? And you start doing cyberstalker stuff like putting spyware on her devices?
That's not behavior you can be proud of. It's not self respecting behavior. It is also not respectful behavior toward your new partner(s).

Galagirl
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: tdh

Gmeter

New member
JohnCason -- I hope you understand that you installing spyware on your ex-wife's phone was not ok to do. It was also not ok for her to cheat on you. I'm sorry it ended in divorce, but I think parting ways was best in that case.

Please do not carry your baggage from that relationship into your new relationships. Making a new partner "prove" her love or loyalty to you because the ex wife cheated and hurt you? How is whatever the old wife did the fault of the NEW person?

Could think about doing some work on yourself first. What do you need to heal inside yourself so you can...

  • Be open to trusting new people and engage healthy dating rather than dating with suspicions and a chip on your shoulder?
  • Trust yourself to pick out people of good character to date so there new shenanigans are less likely?
  • Trust yourself get you out of bad situations faster and deal with conflict resolution better?
  • Accept this side of your sexuality so you can eventually do fetish/kink with a partner like cuckholding in a HEALTHY way?

If you are into that kink? Start with educating yourself about it. Come to terms with this side of your sexuality -- that yeah, you like cuckholding!



Then when you date? Tell new potentials up front that you are into that kink from the beginning and would like to work toward that. Go from there.
Galagirl makes a good point. Don't dwell on your past. Shead it and start with a new slate. And, read the last statement above. Don't be ashamed of who you are. It's more common than you think.
 
Top