Hi all, I ended up here because I really have nowhere else to go and I could really use some insight. I’ll try to be brief, but here’s my situation: I’m a 37 year old female in a long term relationship with a male, but I have recently found myself falling deeply in love with someone else. It has no bearing on my feelings towards my current boyfriend. I just feel like I have more love to give than to one person only.
I’ve felt like this many, many times throughout my life and have always been told “you can’t have your cake and eat it too” so I’ve done my best to remain monogamous, even though it often feels like it may not be my natural state and that I’m swallowing some of my real feelings in order to do what society deems right. When I was much younger I cheated in a couple relationships, which resulted in those relationships ending. I felt terrible for hurting my significant other at these points and so I stopped doing this, but truly my cheating back then had no bearing on my feelings for my boyfriend at the time. I have always felt like I could happily be with more than one person. I have been in love with two people at once multiple times.
So here’s where things are currently. I’m completely, utterly at a loss as to whether I’m poly. My boyfriend and I had a discussion about my wondering about this and he was understanding, although unsure about how he would feel if I were to be with someone else. To be honest, I also don’t know if I could be ok with him being with someone else. The type of poly I may be most comfortable with would be where I’m able to be in multiple relationships but with someone who’s monogamous with only me (is this even a thing)?
The other guy I’ve developed feelings for has made it clear that he is not interested in a poly relationship whatsoever. Based on my past and current situation I really don’t know if I am having feelings for this new person because of new relationship energy and my current relationship perhaps feeling a bit more settled into/ less exciting these days - or if I really am just poly and in fact have been all this time.
Obviously I can’t continue this current situation the way it is, but I’m really struggling with whether I’m just having new exciting feelings for this new person or if I could really be finally acknowledging that poly might be my true relationship orientation. I do know that I could happily be in a relationship with both people at once. The idea makes me feel happy and frankly relieved.
Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Any insight would be incredibly appreciated. I just feel like I could really use some advice from someone who’s maybe been in a similar place and questioning. Thank you so very much.
I’ve felt like this many, many times throughout my life and have always been told “you can’t have your cake and eat it too” so I’ve done my best to remain monogamous, even though it often feels like it may not be my natural state and that I’m swallowing some of my real feelings in order to do what society deems right. When I was much younger I cheated in a couple relationships, which resulted in those relationships ending. I felt terrible for hurting my significant other at these points and so I stopped doing this, but truly my cheating back then had no bearing on my feelings for my boyfriend at the time. I have always felt like I could happily be with more than one person. I have been in love with two people at once multiple times.
So here’s where things are currently. I’m completely, utterly at a loss as to whether I’m poly. My boyfriend and I had a discussion about my wondering about this and he was understanding, although unsure about how he would feel if I were to be with someone else. To be honest, I also don’t know if I could be ok with him being with someone else. The type of poly I may be most comfortable with would be where I’m able to be in multiple relationships but with someone who’s monogamous with only me (is this even a thing)?
The other guy I’ve developed feelings for has made it clear that he is not interested in a poly relationship whatsoever. Based on my past and current situation I really don’t know if I am having feelings for this new person because of new relationship energy and my current relationship perhaps feeling a bit more settled into/ less exciting these days - or if I really am just poly and in fact have been all this time.
Obviously I can’t continue this current situation the way it is, but I’m really struggling with whether I’m just having new exciting feelings for this new person or if I could really be finally acknowledging that poly might be my true relationship orientation. I do know that I could happily be in a relationship with both people at once. The idea makes me feel happy and frankly relieved.
Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Any insight would be incredibly appreciated. I just feel like I could really use some advice from someone who’s maybe been in a similar place and questioning. Thank you so very much.