Am I Poly? Is there another word that is better for this?

[AshTheGremlinWitch]

Hi, I am new to the forum! This is the main question that I came to this forum to find an answer to. I don't have any romantic relationships right now and don't seem to really have a desire for them. At the same time I seem to crave things that would typically be involved in relationships, emotional intimacy, quality time and physical intimacy.

I do have some experience with these things in a current friendship I have (long distance) and I am actually quite happy with that! We don't refer to each other as anything beside friends, nor are we really committed to each other in any way beyond being friends.

What would you call this sort of thing? If I want more of these kind of friendships/relationships how do I communicate that to others?

 

[kdt26417]

Hello AshTheGremlinWitch,

You seem to be ethically nonmonogamous (ENM), polyamory is a subset of ENM but it involves actually being in relationships with people. You are not looking for relationships per se, just some of the components of relationships. You do have a long-distance friendship, so maybe you are of a friends-with-benefits (FWB) type.

Just some thoughts,
Kevin T.

 

[GalaGirl]

To me, it sounds like "friend with benefits," or "casual dating partner with no labels." Both of you can see other people if you want to.

What would you call this sort of thing? If I want more of these kind of friendships/relationships how do I communicate that to others?

You could say "I'm looking for FWBs or casual dating relationships. I already have one FWB/casual partner. I prefer non-monogamy and I will not promise monogamy."

Be direct and up front about what you are and are not up for.

Galagirl

 

[AshTheGremlinWitch]

Could say "I'm looking for FWB or casual dating relationships. I already have one FWB/casual partner. I prefer non-monogamy and I will not promise monogamy."

Thanks! This is really helpful!

 

[Magdlyn]

Thanks! This is really helpful!

I am wondering if your sn was inspired by a video game. If so, I am wondering if your ldr friendship stems from gaming. I know, millions of people these days, especially teens and 20somethings, form friendships or even fall in love long distance, on games or on discords.

Once you actually start dating in person, your "label" or preferences will become more meaningful. Do you not want to date someone for real right now?

 

[AshTheGremlinWitch]

I am wondering if your sn was inspired by a video game. I am wondering if your ldr friendship stems from gaming.

Is "sn" screen name? If so my name is based on my tendency to have "Gremlin" philosophy positions like: "We can't prove that reality isn't subjective". I am an avid gamer though and met this person playing games/on discord through a friend.

Once you actually start dating in person, your "label" or preferences will become more meaningful. Do you not want to date someone for real right now?

I think I would like to date in person now but only from a casual dating or seeking FWB type perspective. As I said, I don't seem to desire "typical" relationship structures.

 

[Magdlyn]

Is "sn" screen name?

Yes, sorry.

If so, my name is based on my tendency to have "Gremlin" philosophy positions like: "We can't prove that reality isn't subjective". I am an avid gamer though and met this person playing games/on discord through a friend.

Mmhm, as I suspected.

I think I would like to date in person now, but only from a casual dating or seeking FWB-type perspective. As I said, I don't seem to desire "typical" relationship structures.

So, you have casual online, maybe cybersex-type FWBs currently, but you feel about ready to start dating locally, in person, too. Whether you are physically or virtually dating or having sex, the same ethics hold, so be upfront from the beginning with everyone you get involved with on an emotional or sexual level that you do not "date" exclusively and that you don't want a serious partner or partners. That way they won't expect more from you than they are going to get. Often once you start being physically intimate, deeper love feelings start to develop, and most people will desire monogamy (since that is our culture's default).

Maybe someday, as you mature, you will desire deeper relationships, and you seem to desire actual physical, if casual, dating now. So it's good you are building those foundations and ethics.

 

[AshTheGremlinWitch]

So, you have casual online, maybe cybersex-type FWBs currently, but you feel about ready to start dating locally, in person, too. Whether you are physically or virtually dating or having sex, the same ethics hold, so be upfront from the beginning with everyone you get involved with on an emotional or sexual level that you do not "date" exclusively and that you don't want a serious partner or partners. That way they won't expect more from you than they are going to get. Often once you start being physically intimate, deeper love feelings start to develop, and most people will desire monogamy (since that is our culture's default).

Yes part my issue originally was I wasn't sure what words to use in communicating what I want. You and GalaGirl have helped with that and I appreciate it!