Am I poly?

mf1438

New member
Hello,

I have a general question. I am practicing ethical non-monogamy. I am happily married, but in a sexless marriage. I have a high libido and my wife went from a low libido to no libido after menopause. After going through marriage counseling, we decided that the best solution for us to survive was to open up the marriage under very specific circumstances. We agree that I could fool around online, but not IRL.

I’m retired and spend my spare time reading and writing and listening to erotica. I’m a published author of passionate love letters and erotic audio books. I write audio erotica scripts and I love hearing my steamy, sizzling, sex stories oozing off a woman's lips.

I’m looking for a GFE with a woman who is attached to a man. It helps if she is in a sexless marriage too and looking for a serious and consistent online relationship. I like to trade emails, text and chat on Skype/Zoom/Hangouts. I like to stay in contact every day.

My question is simple. Do I fit the profile of a member of this forum? I was reading the user guide, and even though I am in a consensual open marriage, my wife prefers a DADT (don’t ask don’t tell) hands off relationship with my sexual partners. Because she does not want to build a relationship with the third person, and the third person cannot build a relationship with her, I’m wondering if I qualify as a poly.

Thank you in advance for your thoughtful consideration.

Warm regards,

Mark

PS: If I’m in the wrong place, please tell me where to go. Hahaha. Not like that. I’m serious. I’m looking for suggestions on where I might find people like me. :)
 

Evie

Well-known member
Yep, it's known as parallel poly. No-one has to be buddies with their metamour, and online relationships can be very fulfilling in their own right. I'm in a comparative situation (very long distance relationship so online only since it began) although I will make plans to see my other significant other once international travel is back on (post vaccine?) I have no communication with any of my long distance metas, although they do all know I exist and our hinge shares appropriate information.

So welcome, feel free to pop over and read my blog about my LDRs, and I wish you all the best with what you are seeking although I'm not sure why your ideal girlfriend would also be in a sexless marriage :confused:

But if you really need someone else to tell you you're poly, consider it done :p
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
I would add in that you sound polysexual, not necessarily polyamorous, from this post. But on your other post you said you and your cybersex partner "grew close," and she accused you of "not loving her" when you wanted to do sexy chat with others.

So it sounds like you're open to fond feelings with cyberlovers, even though your emphasis in this post was all on sex only.

Do you fall in love (however you define that) with your sex partners? Did you discuss with your wife the possibility of actually loving other women, even if you never plan to actually meet them irl?
 

mf1438

New member
Yes, I fall in love with my sex partners. My wife does not know about this. She is against the idea, but that is the only way it seems to work for me. I've had a lot of online sex without the emotional bond and I found that the sex was always missing something. The rules I play by for my wife is to never meet other women IRL. But my online girlfriend wanted to make a rule that I would have no communication with online sex interests. This is not possible for me. I like before and after conversation and a feeling that there is a relationship, not just NSA sex or a one night stand.
 

Magdlyn

Well-known member
Yes, I fall in love with my sex partners. My wife does not know about this. She is against the idea, but that is the only way it seems to work for me. I've had a lot of online sex without the emotional bond and I found that the sex was always missing something. The rules I play by for my wife is to never meet other women IRL. But my online girlfriend wanted to make a rule that I would have no communication with online sex interests. This is not possible for me. I like before and after conversation and a feeling that there is a relationship, not just NSA sex or a one night stand.

In best practices, no one makes rules for someone else. We generally have our personal boundaries, things we won't do, but we respect the autonomy of our partners. It sounds like your former gf was monogamous and so you weren't a match.

Generally, polyamory and DADT don't mix. It's an uneasy balance and can lead to a lack of intimacy in the established relationship. I understand it seems to be the best thing you have been able to negotiate so far.
 

Al99

Active member
Hi Mark - and welcome to the Forum! I see that you've already received a few solid responses already. There are definitely shades of gray within the realm of Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM) - and individual circumstances can't always be readily pigeon-holed.

Polyamory is generally defined along the lines of - having multiple loving (romantic/sexual) relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved.

That pretty much puts DADT within that gray area - as the consent is a general, blanket consent rather than a specific knowledge of the other partners. Generally, those in poly relationships know who their parnter's partners (aka - metamours) are. Sometimes they will know them personally, other times just that they exist.

So, because of the openness implicit in poly - (as has been noted already), poly and DADT are usually not a great match - not to say that it is not possible.

If you want to look into poly a bit more - here's a link to a list of some of the best poly websites.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108191

Again, welcome - and best of luck along this path!

Al
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Greetings Mark,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

As far as I know, you do not have to be polyamorous to be a member of this forum. We have quite a few people who are or were staunchly monogamous, while being very active members here on the boards. Having said that, you do sound polyamorous, you are looking for romantic connections, you do not just want NSA or ONS. DADT is an awkward fit for poly, but that is not to say it can't be made to work. You are making the best of a challenging situation. Just let us know if there's any way we can help; we are a nutty but friendly bunch.

I also responded briefly in your other thread, sorry to hear about the jealousy you're dealing with, with the one person online. I think sometimes you just have to let one fish go, so that you can find other fish in the sea.

Anyway, I'm glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 

mf1438

New member
Greetings Mark,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

As far as I know, you do not have to be polyamorous to be a member of this forum. We have quite a few people who are or were staunchly monogamous, while being very active members here on the boards. Having said that, you do sound polyamorous, you are looking for romantic connections, you do not just want NSA or ONS. DADT is an awkward fit for poly, but that is not to say it can't be made to work. You are making the best of a challenging situation. Just let us know if there's any way we can help; we are a nutty but friendly bunch.

I also responded briefly in your other thread, sorry to hear about the jealousy you're dealing with, with the one person online. I think sometimes you just have to let one fish go, so that you can find other fish in the sea.

Anyway, I'm glad you could join us.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

Wow, thanks Kevin. Great advice and thanks for offering an empathetic ear. I feel officially greeted and very welcome. :)
 
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