An Introduction


New member

I've been lurking here for a couple of months now, mainly reading the Golden Nuggets, and decided it's time to introduce myself. I'm also looking for advice for the situation I find myself in, and I'll start a separate thread for that in the Relationships Corner (that might take me a while).

I am (mostly) cis-male and straight, highly sexual, sex-positive, definitely wired polysexual, most probably wired polyamorous. And I hold these labels (apart from male) loosely.

I am in a monogamous and closed relationship with my partner of seven years. We're both in our early 40s and live together in Oxford, UK. I have no poly experience so far, and I've only started using the poly label a few months ago when I "came out" to my partner, my best friend, and my sisters (though both my partner and my best friend knew I wanted an open relationship for a while). I have been on quite a personal growth journey, from lacking confidence and being single until my early 30's, lacking ways of noticing and expressing my feelings until my late 30's, to almost the opposite. I've done a lot of learning around open and honest communication (Radical Honesty, NVC), how to be a better lover (Gottmann, Attachment Theory, Tantra), and also around alternative relationship styles (Relationship Escalator, several books on polyamory, Polyamory Weekly, and others). And somewhere along that journey I realised that I struggle a lot with the expectation of exclusivity in a romantic relationship, and that being exclusive to me isn't something I value in a partner. I know I can get jealous, but I want my partners to live their life to the fullest, as I want to do myself.

One fairly common piece of advice to poly novices is to look for a community, and that's what I'm here for. So, hi!


Official Greeter
Staff member
Greetings LoveForTea,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have been thorough about getting to know the site, and about research in general, before introducing yourself. That shows wisdom. Hopefully I can help you with your situation. is a good community to belong to, you will find a lot of help and camaraderie here. And you will help others too!

Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Master Thread - links to other threads worth reading in Golden Nuggets. Check it out if you haven't already.

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!


Staff member
Welcome, and thanks for sharing your inspiring pattern of growth.


Active member