Anyone else out there in a Quad relationship?

Q

Quad

New member
Hi all,

I have never written in a forum in my life! But I have found myself in a situation that I can't yet chat about openly with friends and family. So this seems like the best way.

My husband and I started swinging almost two years ago which led us to a couple, that I already knew as I used to work with the female part of the couple. We started to swing with them then we quickly became very close and have now been in a relationship for the past 8 months. We no longer swing and are fully committed to each other. We have had our ups and downs but none of us can imagine life without each other now.

So is there anyone else out there in a Quad relationship? Would love to hear your experiences.
 
Just wanted to say Welcome to the forums!

Quads aren't unheard of, we have had a number of posters in Quads over the years although it is not the most common configuration. As I recall most of the Quads started, as your did, with couples coming from a swinging background that transitioned.

Much of the advice and information here is applicable to relationships of sizes and configurations - but each polycule is unique, as is each relationship within the polycule, as is each person! Take what applies. Feel free to post your questions and experiences.

JaneQ
 
Hello Quad,

Quads are unusual in the poly world; when they do exist it's usually two couples who were swinging until they met each other and transitioned into a relationship. Having said that, poly is poly and you should be able to fit in nicely on this forum. Continue posting and letting us know of your thoughts and questions.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
We would like to be a quad because for us it would be the most ideal situation.
D wants to have kids. P doesn't want more kids.
I would really like to have a few more kids around but not of mine.
We still hope D finds a nice girl who is OK with our relationship and wiling to join.
If she is not OK with our relationship we think D would do best starting his family and live mono.

We are a bit socially awkward. So finding a partner is difficult and finding a partner willing to join our trouple will be next to impossible.
 
Thank you for your replies. It really helps knowing I have somewhere to come to, if needed or just when I want to share my experience.

For me being in a quad is extremely fulfilling and I feel so loved but like with any relationship set up it comes with its far share of complications. Communication has been our key to survival. I'm very lucky that my boyfriend within the quad is so open to listening to me without judgement and he is very understanding of all the insecurities that come along with this type of relationship. We have had our struggles but he always manages to make me feel comfortable and special, without that I truly believe this could never work. My husband and his girlfriend (my boyfriend's wife) have had a few more bumps when it comes to communicating but they now seem to be getting somewhere too which makes it easier on us all. Overall I would not change this for the world and if anyone is thinking of entering into a quad, I would say do it, expect it not to be easy but if you choose wisely it is all so worth it in the end.

I am currently deciding on whether to tell my mum, I think she may have an idea as we are so close and I have always told her everything, there is no hiding with my mum haha! Our quad has been together for almost a year now and they are a massive part of our lives..seeing them most days, which means I don't get to see my mum as much as I used to or would like, as we can't be open around her. This is the largest part of why I want to tell her plus I want her to get to know my boyfriend, as that. I know she will see how much he loves me and me him, I like to think that once she gets her head around it she would be happy for us all. Have any of you 'come out' to your family members? if so, I would greatly appreciate any advice you may have.
 
I'm here for some of the same reason's you are. I'm about to be in a quad, only I'm the 4th. I'm super nervous, as I've only met S once and I've just talked with T on the internet as she lives in another state.
So, far we all get along and I'm actually attracted to S as well...it's kinda something.
I'd love to hear how you and your situation is going...wish you luck!
 
Hi Quad,

I have come out to my older brother, also my (hinge) partner has come out to a friend of hers. Other than that, we are basically in the closet. Here's a really good video on coming out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJ-8ocmtb_8

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
I can see why you'd want to be out to your mom, since you're very close. She might not take it great at first. Sometimes it can take a year or so for a family member who is unfamiliar with poly to accept it. But in many cases they come around, when they learn you are safe and secure, and no one is taking advantage of you or hurting you.
 
Thank you

Hi all,

Thank you so much for all your advice, I did it! Not only have I told my mum and step dad but my sister and brother too. They were all amazing and are just happy that we are. They have all met them before they knew and love them to pieces, they are just seen as part of the family now.

Kevin T, I just want to say a special thank you to you, that link really helped me. It made me realise I have nothing to be ashamed of and that's how I approached the matter. In a really positive way, rather than a dirty secret that I'd been hiding, which intern made it a comfortable and happy experience. So many thanks for that. The other female in our quad used it when telling her family too and had the same positive outcome. I would definitely recommend it to anyone in the same or similar situation.

Muchly appreciated,

Quad
 
Hi Quad,

Thanks for updating us on your current situation, I am so glad that coming out worked out well for you, and I'm glad my link helped.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Quad said:
Hi all,

I have never written in a forum in my life! But I have found myself in a situation that I can't yet chat about openly with friends and family. So this seems like the best way.

My husband and I started swinging almost two years ago which led us to a couple, that I already knew as I used to work with the female part of the couple. We started to swing with them then we quickly became very close and have now been in a relationship for the past 8 months. We no longer swing and are fully committed to each other. We have had our ups and downs but none of us can imagine life without each other now.

So is there anyone else out there in a Quad relationship? Would love to hear your experiences.
Click to expand...
Quad,
Thank you for sharing this. My wife and I started as swingers too but the last two years I wanted to explore poly and my wife supports it. She doesn’t want to date and occasionally wants to swing. Anyway as I’ve explored this life I’ve realized the most fulfillment and happiness I’ve had so far was a quad dynamic. It wasn’t a true quad like yours because as mentioned my wife doesn’t want to date, nor did my partner’s husband. Ultimately my partner wanted to date a previous guy who gave me the impression he was really flaky and our relationship didn’t last romantically.
I just feel it more aligns with my overall life but I felt like most people who are poly aren’t seeking that dynamic. Thank you for posting and letting me know it’s not that unique in the community.
 
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