SeenTheLight
New member
Firstly, I would just like to say hi. I discovered this forum only a few hours ago after, I think it's fair to say, after being in a bit of a muddle for years as to where my mind is at sexually, in terms of relationships. Finding this site has already just been like an awakening as I know that feelings I've had and things my wife and I have done, aren't actually as rare as we'd thought. But, we do have a very odd 'angle' on polyamory...
This all starts, I'm sure, somewhere in my childhood. I'm not sure where or how, but sexual and relationship preferences aside, I found that my rather impoverished childhood actually led to major advantages for me as an adult in building and running my own business. I'm an alpha male for sure on the outside, but really very submissive in the bedroom. But, there's has always been 'something' in the back of my mind that has never allowed me to be 100% fulfilled. If I wrote down all the things I've done sexually with my partner, I'd be the envy, I'm sure, of many vanilla individuals. Yet still this 'nagging ache' has persisted.
My wife and I married in 2002. She's older than me by 8 years but in all honesty, she looks 8 years younger than me. We've had a pretty good sex life and have never had kids. A few years ago, she went through the menopause, and sex just stopped. Not entirely, but it became seemingly a chore for her, very infrequent, and very routine and 'beige' for me. But I still loved my wife deeply and I never strayed. Nor would I ever.
Ironically, after a big argument recently (we rarely argue so this was significant), we had a proper heart to heart, and it turned out we shared some rather dark fantasies, which until now, we'd both put down to being about cuckolding. But we both agreed, our previous experiences with cuckolding weren't quite what we'd hoped. The whole experience(s) was/were quite tacky, with my wife having to effectively prostitute herself on forums and sites for married people wanting an affair. I'd always thought watching/hearing my wife was what I wanted but after a couple of fairly long term cuckold relationships by my wife, it became apparent that something else was missing.
Enter polyamory. The chat we'd had focused around what we'd done, what we'd liked and what we didn't. But it soon became very obvious that my wife was also yearning for 'something' else sexually. She felt it hard to speak with me about her feelings, and generally doesn't open up to anybody very well but this chat really kick started the post-menopausal years for us sexually.
Of the 2 cuckold relationships she'd had, the 2nd had been with a guy she'd grown very close too, by chance. That hadn't been the plan and she felt a tremendous amount of guilt because of this. In the end, he ended up leaving his wife and going off with something altogether different anyway, leaving my wife heartbroken, and at this point I began to understand that my thrill, my excitement, wasn't through the act of sex, but the psychological aspects of what my wife and I had been doing. All this timed around the time my wife started the menopause too so that whole era is a bit of a blur as to what caused what. But basically, her having fun and to use her own phrase 'total freedom' without any guilt or comeback has become an incredible turn on for her, and for me, thinking about all the risk, jealousy and seeing my wife happy just takes me to another level.
But this is where it now goes a bit weird. And please don't judge us here. With our shared fantasies once again leading to some amazing sex that we'd been devoid of for the last 5 years or so, we've agreed that it's actually polyamory and cuckolding that turns us both on. More specifically, my wife choosing her own lover and growing close to him over time so it's more than just sex in the back of a campervan in a layby. We've now started to discuss a scenario whereby the arrangement is engineered by us both to psychologically hurt me. The thrill of watching my wife slip away and fall in love with another with me helping to facilitate is just that 'missing link' it seems and it turns my wife on as much as me. We've agreed that an ultimate fantasy for us both is for her to have this entirely consenusal polyamory relationship but geared towards he being the lead partner instead of me over time, with me effectively being sidelined out.
Are we alone at what can only be deemed 'sado-polyamory' or 'SMP'? Or is this a thing too. But even discovering that polyamory is such an accepted state of affairs, no pun, is in itself extremely liberating for us...
This all starts, I'm sure, somewhere in my childhood. I'm not sure where or how, but sexual and relationship preferences aside, I found that my rather impoverished childhood actually led to major advantages for me as an adult in building and running my own business. I'm an alpha male for sure on the outside, but really very submissive in the bedroom. But, there's has always been 'something' in the back of my mind that has never allowed me to be 100% fulfilled. If I wrote down all the things I've done sexually with my partner, I'd be the envy, I'm sure, of many vanilla individuals. Yet still this 'nagging ache' has persisted.
My wife and I married in 2002. She's older than me by 8 years but in all honesty, she looks 8 years younger than me. We've had a pretty good sex life and have never had kids. A few years ago, she went through the menopause, and sex just stopped. Not entirely, but it became seemingly a chore for her, very infrequent, and very routine and 'beige' for me. But I still loved my wife deeply and I never strayed. Nor would I ever.
Ironically, after a big argument recently (we rarely argue so this was significant), we had a proper heart to heart, and it turned out we shared some rather dark fantasies, which until now, we'd both put down to being about cuckolding. But we both agreed, our previous experiences with cuckolding weren't quite what we'd hoped. The whole experience(s) was/were quite tacky, with my wife having to effectively prostitute herself on forums and sites for married people wanting an affair. I'd always thought watching/hearing my wife was what I wanted but after a couple of fairly long term cuckold relationships by my wife, it became apparent that something else was missing.
Enter polyamory. The chat we'd had focused around what we'd done, what we'd liked and what we didn't. But it soon became very obvious that my wife was also yearning for 'something' else sexually. She felt it hard to speak with me about her feelings, and generally doesn't open up to anybody very well but this chat really kick started the post-menopausal years for us sexually.
Of the 2 cuckold relationships she'd had, the 2nd had been with a guy she'd grown very close too, by chance. That hadn't been the plan and she felt a tremendous amount of guilt because of this. In the end, he ended up leaving his wife and going off with something altogether different anyway, leaving my wife heartbroken, and at this point I began to understand that my thrill, my excitement, wasn't through the act of sex, but the psychological aspects of what my wife and I had been doing. All this timed around the time my wife started the menopause too so that whole era is a bit of a blur as to what caused what. But basically, her having fun and to use her own phrase 'total freedom' without any guilt or comeback has become an incredible turn on for her, and for me, thinking about all the risk, jealousy and seeing my wife happy just takes me to another level.
But this is where it now goes a bit weird. And please don't judge us here. With our shared fantasies once again leading to some amazing sex that we'd been devoid of for the last 5 years or so, we've agreed that it's actually polyamory and cuckolding that turns us both on. More specifically, my wife choosing her own lover and growing close to him over time so it's more than just sex in the back of a campervan in a layby. We've now started to discuss a scenario whereby the arrangement is engineered by us both to psychologically hurt me. The thrill of watching my wife slip away and fall in love with another with me helping to facilitate is just that 'missing link' it seems and it turns my wife on as much as me. We've agreed that an ultimate fantasy for us both is for her to have this entirely consenusal polyamory relationship but geared towards he being the lead partner instead of me over time, with me effectively being sidelined out.
Are we alone at what can only be deemed 'sado-polyamory' or 'SMP'? Or is this a thing too. But even discovering that polyamory is such an accepted state of affairs, no pun, is in itself extremely liberating for us...
