Attending non-play event as solo married man ok, or frowned upon?

MrFrustration

MrFrustration

New member
In my area, there are several monthly ENM/poly meetups that are something like "munches" in the kink community. Casual atmosphere for people who are ENM/poly/curious to meet up, with it noted specifically in the description as "not a meat market." There's a happy hour event this week that I was thinking to attend with my wife, but she's not feeling like she'll be up for it due to a chronic health issue. I had previously said, "Hey, they're monthly, we're not really missing out on anything by not going this month," but today she suggested that I go by myself.

We're both poly/non-monoga-curious, though. I think I'm a bit more so. One reason for us contemplating it is a pretty significant libido discrepancy (caused by chronic health issues), though physicality is not the only reason at all (companionship, friendship, intimacy, and generally meeting more people).

So, my question is, should I choose to go (I'm currently leaning towards giving it a miss), would that be poorly-received, as a cis/het man in a marriage that is not currently non-monogamous? I would not be looking to go home with anyone, or anything of the sort, just meet people and find out more about the shapes of relationships they are pursuing.

I think that, as someone who is neurodivergent and very aware of why solitary married men could be coated in red flags, due to poor behavior of some, I'm a bit anxious about coming across poorly by my presence alone.
 
Poly meetups are not the same a swinging play parties. So YES, go and meet people, talk, ask questions. Let them know you are learning about poly as an option for you and your wife, that you want to learn more before jumping in. Just don't hit on anyone. That's what they mean by not a meat market. I enjoy my poly meetups to connect with like-minded people without feeling hit on or like a piece of meat. I'm sure that's the atmosphere they are looking for. I bet there will be plenty of single or partnered people going solo to this event.
 
Oh just go. Even my little city has a monthly poly munch/meet-up and anyone and everyone comes, solo, single, partnered, whatever, curious, noob, or experienced.

So much neurodivergence too, so fun. Definitely not a meat market vibe, but if you do vibe with someone exchanging numbers is okay too. It's how I met Nevyn.
 
My bf met his current other gf at a munch. It happened to be a huge one, like 100 people, which no one was expecting, least of all the Chinese restaurant that hosted it lol. I didn't go, as the small ENM/swinger Facebook group that is part of this larger group is "his thing," not mine. We aren't married, but we are serious long-term partners.

He went with a woman he'd dated, but was no longer dating (for logistical reasons) and her husband. He ended up meeting one of their friends there, and from what I understand, talking to her most of the night. (This kinda ticked off his ex-dating partner/friend person a little bit, but they worked it out.) I guess they exchanged numbers that night.

Poly munches are usually never meat markets. But they do sometimes draw in predatory-type single guys who ignore this and go around trying to pick women up. Sometimes it works, but then the women regret it when they realize he's just a player, and then the guy gets a bad reputation and may even be asked to stop attending these events.

As long as you're chill and not coming on too strong, you'll be fine.
 
The only reason not to go without your wife, I can think of, is not to get too far ahead of her in the exploration. Perhaps she wants to hear answers to the same newbie questions and concerns.
 
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Hi MrFrustration,

Well, if it's not a meat market, it shouldn't matter whether you attend solo or with your wife. And if anyone wants to know, you can explain, "Health reasons. She just wasn't feeling up to it this time." That doesn't mean you have to go, if the idea makes you uncomfortable then by all means give it a miss. I just mean that I don't think there's any reason why people should hold it against you if you do attend. It's not like you're going to a swinger's club or something.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
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