BDSM discussion

I'm going to the Fetish Fleamarket in RI in Feb. My first big BDSM event. It started as a marketplace, but the community takes over the hotel and there are workshops as well as play parties for every kind of kink. Should be a real eye opener.
 
I need to be punished!

Villains and Victims is the theme of next months event. Redpepper and I are thinking about how to play that out. Is she a victim getting back at the villain who wronged her? Am I a victim of her villainous ways? What to do, what to do...?
 
If this has been asked already, please kick my ass

I have a new-found personal interest in the following:

What about a sub teaching a potential dom to be you know, "dominant" the way the sub likes it?

Is this an oxymoron, or not?

Feedback, pls.
 
I think in order for a sub/dom relationship to meet both people's needs there should be feedback/input from the sub. This enables the relationship to grow. Before engaging in a scene, Redpepper asks me if there is anything in particular I want to do or work on. We debrief afterwards to share our thoughts.
 
MonoVCPHG said:
I think in order for a sub/dom relationship to meet both people's needs there should be feedback/input from the sub. This enables the relationship to grow. Before engaging in a scene Redpepper asks me if there is anything in particular I want to do or work on. We debrief afterwards to share our thoughts.
Click to expand...

Well thank you captain obvious. No, really! I appreciate that, and agree with it. My question was more of an abstract realization that there is more to a power-exchange than meets the eye, not a question about the best way to approach a "scene".

I have this friend, you see... never mind.
 
Wouldn't it just be frustrating to try to teach someone to be dominant?
 
NeonKaos said:
I have a new-found personal interest in the following:

What about a sub teaching a potential dom to be you know, "dominant" the way the sub likes it?

Is this an oxymoron, or not?

Feedback, pls.
Click to expand...

Well, as I see it, Easy doesn't have any free time, so I research for him and teach him what I find out. In this way, I, the service-oriented submissive, am teaching him to be a dominant. I'm also figuring out what I like in the process, so I'm sharing that knowledge, as well.

I just had a talk with Asha today in which she stated that she felt uncomfortable always telling Easy how to be a better dominant for her. I often try to figure out what she wants and share that with Easy, as well, though I'm trying to be careful what I do share.

Of course, it was this behavior that got me accused of topping from the bottom in the first place...
 
If Dom/mes didn't need to be educated, there wouldnt be such books as these:

Recommended Books for Novice Dommes:
Bitch Goddess: The Spiritual Path of the Dominant Woman by Pat Califia and Drew Campbell
Consensual Sadomasochism: How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely by Bill Henkin and Sybil Holiday
Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by Gloria G. Brame, Jon Jacobs (Contributor), and Will Brame
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon
Sensuous Magic: A Guide For Adventurous Couples by Pat Califia
SM 101: A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman
The Art of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women by Claudia Varrin
The Lesbian SM Safety Manual edited by Pat Califia
The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance by Mistress Lorelei
The Sexually Dominant Woman: A Workbook for Nervous Beginners by Lady Green
The Topping Book: Or, Getting Good at Being Bad by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt
When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt
 
I have SM 101 and the Lesbian SM Safety manual (because of course lesbians have different safety requirements from everyone else, LOL).

Thank you for reminding me!
 
In the past couple years, I've played with several men who styled themselves as Doms, but who bored and upset me because they were really just repressed assholes or douches who could only have sex in a tightly-controlled atmosphere. My needs and desires were not enquired about, and at least one of them crossed boundaries that had been discussed beforehand, or didn't deliver in certain areas he led me to expect he was interested in sharing.

This is a rather standard Dom website, and hetero focused but, imo, lays out some reasonable guidelines for how to be a good ("twue") Dom.

Above all, the Dominant cherishes His submissive, sure of the knowledge that the gift she gives Him is the grandest gift of all. He is demanding and profits fully from the power she gives Him, but at the same time is sure to share the pleasure resulting from this treasured gift with her.

He is in full control over Himself so as to exert power over others. As a strict and demanding Dominant He can bring real tears to His submissive. But as an accomplished lover, He'll kiss those tears away without leaving His role.

In times of trouble or problems, a Dominant will leave the roles (if need be) so He can be an understanding friend and partner, as He knows the relation between Him and His submissive is a loving one. He will never ask His submissive to put Him before her career or family just to please Him.

...To win the spirit, the body and the soul of His submissive, He knows that first He has to win her trust. Therefore He shows her His humorous side, His warmth and His friendship. But at the same time, He shows her that His lessons and guidance are worthy of her attention, that He is a man from whom she can learn and whose judgment she can trust.
Click to expand...

http://webspace.webring.com/people/mm/masterdom/main.html
 
I've been trying to explore some of my interests with O, but he's just not that into it. I think he's got some top in him, but it's just not his thing. I'm hoping I can magically procure a play partner of some sort. I'm going to a local fetish ball this weekend, so I'm excited about that. I'm still kind of learning what I'm interested in and what not.
 
Last Friday my gf's bf, M, was going out of town for 24 hours with his nesting partner/gf, L. My gf was asked to come over for the night to dogsit. She invited me to come along.

We got to M's place at 4. He and L were still there, as was a friend of theirs they were going to travel with. M gave me two big bear hugs when we got there. He's such a nice gigantic guy. 6'5" and burly, quite like a huge bear.

For a while, as L packed, M was showing the other friend how to play Portal. Then he sat down on the couch where my gf and I were sitting and pulled her onto his lap. After 10 mins or so, he got up, changed his clothes and they were ready to leave. M gave me another huge hug and a kiss on the cheek, then he and my gf went out into the foyer for their clinch. They left.

Then my gf told me, and showed me, that while she was on his lap, M had bitten the back of her shoulder, hard, leaving a mark. As a masochist, she was thrilled. I felt odd to find out he'd bitten her while sitting next to me on the couch, as his gf and their friend wandered in and out of the room.

Also, it got the night off to a weird start, as it felt to me like he'd "marked" her on purpose before he left.

So, their place was a huge mess as usual, and my gf had to do two loads of dishes, two loads of laundry, declutter and vacuum, plus walk the dog. First off, I went out with her to walk the dog, then I just sat there watching TV (granted, that was fun, as their HDTV is huge and one of my favorite movies [Sid and Nancy] was on, then Red Sox) while she cleaned. But it felt odd, to see her at her work as a domestic slave, knowing it pleases her to take care of her bf's apartment. It made me feel kind of left out and unimportant and superfluous.

She also had orders to go the the grocery store and pick up a couple items for M. So we did that the next morning.

I got to feeling distant from her that night and into the next day. I really felt frozen. I didn't have any idea I'd feel that way. It wasn't jealousy. I am glad M provides something I can't give her. Although when we were driving to his place, I said, "I feel weird about this because I don't understand your (hers and M's) relationship." And my gf said, "Neither do I." heh

I got over my weird feelings by Saturday night, we had our usual great connection, movie, dinner, cuddles, sexy times.

Anyway, comments are welcome... I just thought it might interest some to read about how my gf and I have an egalitarian relationship (with some kinky sex play) and how she also has a Master (novice though M is).
 
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