Being walked in on...?

K

katja

New member
Being walked in on while having sex... Has this ever been a problem? If so, are you in exclusive relationships or all in a relationship together? How did everyone feel? How did you handle it? Feel free to just answer these questions for your situation because I am curious, but if anyone is interested, the details that prompted me to ask this are below.

When my girlfriend sleeps over, there isn't really a room for us to be in. Nothing happens until late at night, when everyone has gone to bed, with kids in one room and husband in the other. So things happen in the living room. My bedroom has an attached bathroom, but tonight, my husband walked out the other way to use the restroom while she and I were... busy. As far as I can tell, he went pee and then was sleeping again in minutes. I'm sure he didn't "care." He is honestly the most laidback person ever and I think even if he walked in on us more directly, he wouldn't be bothered. Still, she and I reacted by stopping immediately, hiding under the sheet, and feeling nervous- like we were teenagers getting caught by parents or something. To be clear, she and my husband are "metamours," not romantically linked (same with me and her husband). So, we each have a relationship with our respective husbands and she and I have a relationship with each other. At her house, there is actually a closed door we could be behind, but her husband's boundary is that no sleepovers happen there. I keep trying to think of creative ways for us to have our own private space with my home arrangement, but I can't think of any.

Anyway, it made me curious how people feel about this. Has being walked in on or walking in on some partners/metamours caused any serious problems?
 
Easy solution... your husband sleeps in the living room when you have sleep overs.
 
Nope. My partner and I host others in our home. My partner has seen me having sex in the kitchen with an OSO. She hears me having sex, getting spanked, etc., with others behind the closed door of my bedroom. It's not like she is unaware I am having sex with others.

If I was in a situation where I had kids old enough to know what sex was I'd be unable to have sex in the living room where said older kids might walk through to get a glass of water or use the bathroom and see us. But that would also pertain if I was mono and wanted to have sex in a room other than the master bedroom. Then again, when I was married with children, my ex h and I didn't have a lock on our bedroom door, so if we wanted to have sex fully privately, sometimes we did it behind the locking door of the bathroom.

Currently I live with my partner. We are both poly. I host OSOs more often than she does. We purposely got a house large enough to theoretically give us each an entire floor for sex purposes. Ie: my live-in partner can hang out in the basement family room for the duration of my sexual encounter with an OSO.
 
I have some rather humorous memories from teen-age years like first bf hiding under the blanket as my father - very unusually - walked into my room in the morning.. but the one time that was really really bad was when my meta walked in on us. She knew there was *something* going on and it would be ok, but it turned out boundaries haven't been made clear and she is uncomfortable with what is happening (I wasn't aware, really). It was an extremely unpleasant interruption, which felt like a bomb had exploded in the room and caused my stomach to tighten by the very memory months afterwards. Needless to say, since then I am *very* touchy about my privacy, no longer any "it's gonna be ok".
 
Tinwen said:
I have some rather humorous memories from teen-age years like first bf hiding under the blanket as my father - very unusually - walked into my room in the morning.. but the one time that was really really bad was when my meta walked in on us. She knew there was *something* going on and it would be ok, but it turned out boundaries haven't been made clear and she is uncomfortable with what is happening (I wasn't aware, really). It was an extremely unpleasant interruption, which felt like a bomb had exploded in the room and caused my stomach to tighten by the very memory months afterwards. Needless to say, since then I am *very* touchy about my privacy, no longer any "it's gonna be ok".
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You were traumatised for months?? Are you still with this partner? Is your meta so jealous, or so in denial about your status, that even though she knew you and your partner were sharing a bed, she was horrified that sex could be going on when you were in a bedroom with him?
 
I know every arrangement is different, and everyone's comfort level is different. I am a very private person with sex, I don't want to see others have it (especially people I know) and I don't want people to see me having sex.

Since I have a home separate from the other two members of my chosen family, we have room to give each other that privacy.

I have teens, and a small house where sound carries, so right now I only have sleepovers/dates when they are visiting their father.
 
As far as I can tell, he went pee and then was sleeping again in minutes. I'm sure he didn't "care." He is honestly the most laidback person ever and I think even if he walked in on us more directly, he wouldn't be bothered.
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You are not able to ask husband if he's willing to take the couch sometimes so that sometimes you guys have a locking door when GF sleeps over?

So, we each have a relationship with our respective husbands and she and I have a relationship with each other. At her house, there is actually a closed door we could be behind, but her husband's boundary is that no sleepovers happen there
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Make plans to share sex there and don't sleep over? Like an afternoon date?

I keep trying to think of creative ways for us to have our own private space with my home arrangement, but I can't think of any.
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If the goal is a locking door... What rooms lock in your house? The bathroom? How about bathroom sex in front of the mirror or in the shower or whatever is fun sounding in there?

Some other room?

Or have DH take kids to the park or movies or whatever and have run of the house for an afternoon?

Galagirl
 
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Actually, I don't think any of my guys have ever walked in and witnessed anything. I might be wrong, but they've never mentioned it. Definitely overhearing stuff is a concern - especially since I'm not quiet - but DarkKnight reacted once by walking around downstairs with a decibel app and took notes on where I was most audible. It was done in jest, and he certainly wasn't traumatized.

I was nervous at first about PunkRock overhearing me with other partners, but it never became an issue, since he has hearing loss, and then later his bedroom and private space were moved to the basement, so it was even less likely that he'd hear anything. WarMan says he is inhibited somewhat by the fear of someone overhearing us together, but he himself has told me he hasn't overheard me with my husbands, so I think it is less of an issue than we all thought it would be.

I have a teenage daughter (almost 19) and I am absolutely sure she has overheard my exuberance from down the hall, but the talks we've had about sex are always positive and I don't think it has damaged her. That said, she has never walked in on me or anything like that either.

Edited to say, all the guys have their own private bedroom and office space within the house - all the doors lock, except for PunkRock's open basement area, but we aren't fucking there anyway.
 
Magdlyn said:
You were traumatised for months?? Are you still with this partner?
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Magdlyn, I tried to send you a private message, but it doesn't appear in my outbox, so I don't know if you got it twice or not at all...
 
This thread reminded me of the time I woke up in the middle of the night and had to pee. (I was in bed with my husband and Dude and I weren't together yet.) I hear Dude and CrazyGirl (his then-girlfriend) going at it in the next room (they were sleeping on an air mattress on the floor in the living room - we only have one bedroom). The bathroom is off of the room that they are in...:confused: What to do? Wait for them to finish? Walk thru? Step through the bedroom window and pee in the bushes? (low sill, but you have to remove the screen :rolleyes:)

Dude later said I should have just walked through - they probably wouldn't have noticed.;) ... then again, he is a bit of an exhibitionist :D
 
Tinwen said:
Magdlyn, I tried to send you a private message, but it doesn't appear in my outbox, so I don't know if you got it twice or not at all...
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There's a box to tick at the bottom of the page when you're composing your message. I think saving sent messages is off by default.
 
Hubby set a boundary against my bringing other partners to our shared home for any sexual purpose. (That's his phrasing...) So no, he's never walked in on anything, because nothing has ever happened here.

I've not had any partner who lives with any of his other partners, so being walked in on has never been an issue at any of my other partners' homes either.

This is fortunate. In my mind, exhibitionism is a hot fantasy. I prefer that it stay in my mind. I'd rather not even talk about my sex life with anyone except the other people involved in it, let alone have someone accidentally--or intentionally (where intentionally means pre-planned among all participants) witness any of it.
 
So, it was a nonissue.

My husband would have used the adjoining door but it had been accidentally left locked by someone.

He said he "tried to be discreet" and "tried not to interrupt." lol.
He heard something but saw nothing. Just like I thought.
He was completely unphased.

And, it turned out to be the least of our worries that day. We all (all four adults and all five kids) went to the movies and a few minutes after leaving, we started getting texts and calls that they were in a car accident. So, yesterday was spent at a crash scene and the ER and finally, quite late, at home. I have four of the kids and my girlfriend and her husband are home resting with the youngest.
 
He actually has done that before, but I don't like to ask him to leave his bed every time she is over. He works hard and our couch is not that comfortable. Also, our youngest still cosleeps, so she is generally sleeping next to him while GF and I are up all night in the living room (mostly talking but sometimes using the TV or eating snacks or other things...).

Dagferi said:
Easy solution... your husband sleeps in the living room when you have sleep overs.
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Replying to your questions separately-

GalaGirl said:
You are not able to ask husband if he's willing to take the couch sometimes so that sometimes you guys have a locking door when GF sleeps over?

I am certainly able, and he would do it if I asked, but I don't want to. He actually has done that before, but I don't like to ask him to leave his comfortable bed every time she is over. He works hard and our couch is not that comfortable. Also, our youngest still cosleeps, so she is generally sleeping next to him while GF and I are up all night in the living room (mostly talking but sometimes using the TV or eating snacks or other things...).


Make plans to share sex there and don't sleep over? Like an afternoon date?

Yeah, children. There are five of them all under 8. There is no doing anything in the afternoon.

If the goal is a locking door... What rooms lock in your house? The bathroom? How about bathroom sex in front of the mirror or in the shower or whatever is fun sounding in there?

We have also been in the shower.

Some other room?
Nope. Two bedrooms. People sleeping in both.

Or have DH take kids to the park or movies or whatever and have run of the house for an afternoon?
There are 5 kids with car seats in two separate cars. 3 of the kids are hers and we would not ask my husband to watch them all on his rare days off while we have sex. Basically, after midnight is when we get.

It's okay though, it was a nonissue for my husband. We will make sure the adjoining bathroom sliding door is unlocked next time. He didn't see anything anyway. The kids, except the baby, sleep through the night anyway and there is an adjoining bathroom in their room too should they wake to pee (but they generally do not).

Galagirl
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JaneQSmythe said:
This thread reminded me of the time I woke up in the middle of the night and had to pee. (I was in bed with my husband and Dude and I weren't together yet.) I hear Dude and CrazyGirl (his then-girlfriend) going at it in the next room (they were sleeping on an air mattress on the floor in the living room - we only have one bedroom). The bathroom is off of the room that they are in...:confused: What to do? Wait for them to finish? Walk thru? Step through the bedroom window and pee in the bushes? (low sill, but you have to remove the screen :rolleyes:)

Dude later said I should have just walked through - they probably wouldn't have noticed.;) ... then again, he is a bit of an exhibitionist :D
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It seems like all of my bfs have been exhibitionists! Really. When I think about it. They all seem fine with my gf seeing their sexual prowess if she wants. Not that she cares. lol New guys almost always ask if she is going to "watch us or join us." Um, no, she is perfectly capable of getting her own guy, tyvm.

And I don't care if Miss Pixi hears or sees me going at it. I mean, we have sex a lot, and we've done a few group sex things. It just seems normal. It helps that she has mentioned a lot that it gives her pleasure to know someone is making me happy. Once in a while she gets a little turned on by it, so, it's good for our sex life too.

That said, I have OSOs over in my bedroom, afternoons or evenings. We do close the door. Once in a while, when we are done, and the room is all hot and steamy, I will open the door to cool off the room, and lie back down to recover, naked. If Pixi happens to pass by then, she smiles and waves.

I'm not an exhibitionist, but some of my best friends are. LOL
 
Both bedrooms have adjoining bathrooms and my oldest keeps water by her bed and none of the kids have never woken up or come out in the middle of the night. So, I didn't think any of the kids would wake up and walk out, but we put a chair in front of their door temporarily so we would hear them and have warning time to get composed should they, for some reason, wake up. We also sometimes have a baby monitor if the baby is in there.

Magdlyn said:
Nope. My partner and I host others in our home. My partner has seen me having sex in the kitchen with an OSO. She hears me having sex, getting spanked, etc., with others behind the closed door of my bedroom. It's not like she is unaware I am having sex with others.

If I was in a situation where I had kids old enough to know what sex was I'd be unable to have sex in the living room where said older kids might walk through to get a glass of water or use the bathroom and see us. But that would also pertain if I was mono and wanted to have sex in a room other than the master bedroom. Then again, when I was married with children, my ex h and I didn't have a lock on our bedroom door, so if we wanted to have sex fully privately, sometimes we did it behind the locking door of the bathroom.

Currently I live with my partner. We are both poly. I host OSOs more often than she does. We purposely got a house large enough to theoretically give us each an entire floor for sex purposes. Ie: my live-in partner can hang out in the basement family room for the duration of my sexual encounter with an OSO.
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katja said:
Both bedrooms have adjoining bathrooms and my oldest keeps water by her bed and none of the kids have never woken up or come out in the middle of the night. So, I didn't think any of the kids would wake up and walk out, but we put a chair in front of their door temporarily so we would hear them and have warning time to get composed should they, for some reason, wake up. We also sometimes have a baby monitor if the baby is in there.
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That's all gonna change when they are preteens/teens. But maybe you'll get a bigger house by then. At least 4 bedrooms. 2 for the kids, one as the master bedroom, and one for guests!
 
Eek! Just noticed my double negative. None of the kids have ever*

We have plenty of space here for our two young kids (it's big and spacious, despite being a two bedroom) and they have a three bedroom with space for their three young kids. I have no idea what will happen with all of us in the future, but we both plan to move in the next couple of years.

In our state, multi-level houses are uncommon and basements are practically unheard of. I would love to eventually have a house like someone mentioned, where there is enough space to be on an entirely different floor.

Magdlyn said:
That's all gonna change when they are preteens/teens. But maybe you'll get a bigger house by then. At least 4 bedrooms. 2 for the kids, one as the master bedroom, and one for guests!
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Glad it was a non-issue in the end.

So sorry about the car accident! Hope everyone is resting/healing up ok.

Galagirl
 
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