Hello everyone.
I am quite new here. I’m looking for some help, advice or support from people who understand my circumstances. It’s hard to talk to people about polyamory and ENM without being judged!
I have been polyamorous for a year now with my current partner, it has been amazing. Not without struggles obviously, but overall so rewarding and I’ve fell into such an intense relationship.
My partner who I will call M, is a male that I’ve been with for a year. We have both dated throughout the full relationship and I also have another partner C who is a woman. Everything up until this point has been great. M and I have also enjoyed some group activity together and this only brought us close together.
Yesterday I had a friend come over to visit from down south, I hadn’t seen her for a few years. I thought she was pretty straight and never thought of her in this way, but after meeting me and M she was verrrry intrigued. She made a few jokes about a threesome and by the end of the night she asked us if we would be interested. One thing lead to another and we had a threesome. It was enjoyable, I’ll admit though, alcohol tarred my judgement and I don’t think I would have done this sober. However, we’re all adults, it was fun. I didn’t feel weird about it but more just like, oh cool that happened.
In the morning I woke up HUNGOVER. In my double bed with the two of them. I was too warm, couldn’t stay in that room. So I left and went to the livingroom where I slept for another 3/4 hours.
I’ve since found out that after I left, M and L ended up having sex. Without me present obviously.
Me and M have had quite a few threesomes. This has never happened, it’s never been brought up, it’s not a boundary. But I feel so betrayed.
During the threesome I would say multiple things like “don’t stop because I’m leaving!” or “just you two do your thing, I love to watch.”. But this feels different.
M has said it was a stupid decision, but it wasn’t a boundary and now he knows. He is still so apologetic that it happened at all, but I just don’t know if I can forgive him.
I’m struggling because we are SO open. We have created a relationship that allows us to do what we want when we want. I want him to not only sleep with other people but build meaningful relationships! This wasn’t a boundary for us, but I still feel like I’ve been betrayed/cheated on.
I’m cool with him dating people and having sex with them, I’m cool with us doing group activities together. But when I bring my friend into the threesome, it feels like a group activity. When I’m lying unwell in the next room and you’re fucking her without me, that feels so wrong.
Am I being ridiculous?
Can anyone offer some advice please? I would love to hear some opinions from likeminded people and not just someone who is going to say I shouldn’t be doing this stuff anyway.
Thanks in advance x
I am quite new here. I’m looking for some help, advice or support from people who understand my circumstances. It’s hard to talk to people about polyamory and ENM without being judged!
I have been polyamorous for a year now with my current partner, it has been amazing. Not without struggles obviously, but overall so rewarding and I’ve fell into such an intense relationship.
My partner who I will call M, is a male that I’ve been with for a year. We have both dated throughout the full relationship and I also have another partner C who is a woman. Everything up until this point has been great. M and I have also enjoyed some group activity together and this only brought us close together.
Yesterday I had a friend come over to visit from down south, I hadn’t seen her for a few years. I thought she was pretty straight and never thought of her in this way, but after meeting me and M she was verrrry intrigued. She made a few jokes about a threesome and by the end of the night she asked us if we would be interested. One thing lead to another and we had a threesome. It was enjoyable, I’ll admit though, alcohol tarred my judgement and I don’t think I would have done this sober. However, we’re all adults, it was fun. I didn’t feel weird about it but more just like, oh cool that happened.
In the morning I woke up HUNGOVER. In my double bed with the two of them. I was too warm, couldn’t stay in that room. So I left and went to the livingroom where I slept for another 3/4 hours.
I’ve since found out that after I left, M and L ended up having sex. Without me present obviously.
Me and M have had quite a few threesomes. This has never happened, it’s never been brought up, it’s not a boundary. But I feel so betrayed.
During the threesome I would say multiple things like “don’t stop because I’m leaving!” or “just you two do your thing, I love to watch.”. But this feels different.
M has said it was a stupid decision, but it wasn’t a boundary and now he knows. He is still so apologetic that it happened at all, but I just don’t know if I can forgive him.
I’m struggling because we are SO open. We have created a relationship that allows us to do what we want when we want. I want him to not only sleep with other people but build meaningful relationships! This wasn’t a boundary for us, but I still feel like I’ve been betrayed/cheated on.
I’m cool with him dating people and having sex with them, I’m cool with us doing group activities together. But when I bring my friend into the threesome, it feels like a group activity. When I’m lying unwell in the next room and you’re fucking her without me, that feels so wrong.
Am I being ridiculous?
Can anyone offer some advice please? I would love to hear some opinions from likeminded people and not just someone who is going to say I shouldn’t be doing this stuff anyway.
Thanks in advance x