Better late....

N

New2polydude

New member
I am probably older than most on this forum, so please forgive me if I have inaccurate ideas about men and women. I fell into this kind of thinking...when I was 10, I read many of my friend's mother's books while having sleep overs at his house. All of her books were about non-traditional roles in sex, i.e. the woman being the initiator, having a husband but still visiting other men at will, or even 2 at a time. Very original for the 70's! On the physical side:
- For better or worse, I grew up thinking that it was OK for women to be so open, and that it was actually a good thing to look for in a spouse - maybe that is why I have not married? I have always been disappointed with the women I dated, though never felt I could express it.
- It is a huge turn on to know that the woman I am with is having sex with other men.
- It seems (maybe I am wrong) that women can physically have sex for longer times than a man can produce for...so it has always seemed practical that one woman should have 2 (or more) men, especially as men age..

On the emotional/relational side:
- Women seem to be able to truly love more deeply than men. If most women were honest, they would have to admit that they can love more than one man at a time and would be happier and most satisfied if they were set free to do so - society has never allowed them.
- I have never had a partner who loved to do all of the things that I like to do (kinds of music, art, etc0 and I think it is useful to be able to develop other friendships for that reason, whether they get intimate or not.

But now...I am 65..still have energy...would like to find a woman that fits this bill....am I naive or a fool?
 
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I've got you beat. I'm 70. I was in a mono relationship, then married, for over 30 years, to a man, despite coming from the "Free Love" era you must remember. I wanted a house, a garden and kids, so I made do. He made a good income with my backstage support, so I was able to homeschool our kids, volunteer, cook from scratch, grow food, etc. I was a housekeeper, a teacher, a taxi driver, a gardener, a cook, a laundress, made his lunches, etc. My work was valuable. I also worked parttime now and again, but it made more sense to be with the kids and not pay sitters so I could work.

He was always suspicious of my tendency to get crushes on others, all genders, since I am pansexual. Of course, we didn't always have terms like pansexual and polyamorous. But we discovered ethical non-monogamy in about 1999, when The Ethical Slut came out. (That book is just okay.)

We attempted polyamory, but we did it wrong, and he fell in love with a mono woman. After we separated, then divorced, I was free to be me. Our kids were in their late teens/early 20s and leaving the nest.

Anyway, I have heard in media that woman your age, my age, don't want marriage much these days. Most of them have been overworked wives, taking care of a man and all his needs, been mothers, domestic slaves. Their kids (if any) are grown. They want adult companionship, many want sex, but they like their space.

If you're into that, you should be able to find it.

I'd recommend you look at our poly resources list here:


A book you should find interesting is Sex at Dawn.

Amazon.com

www.amazon.com

And yes, it is better late than never!
 
Greetings New2polydude,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

I am not far behind you, I am 60 as of last year. My polycule is an MFM V. I am one of the males, my partner's legal/lawful husband is the other male. We have been together as a V for about 19 years. We had some rough years in the beginning, but things smoothed out and we have a pretty happy setup today -- not perfect, but boring and thus blissful. I am certain the right woman for you is out there. Just be patient, and make new friends.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

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