Book Tips for Newby

Girl_in_Red

New member
Hello everyone,

I'm looking for book tips for someone who is new to polyamory and has their doubts about it. They are currently seeing someone who is in a polyamorous nesting relationship and they don't see that working out long term for them. Quote: If I fall in love with you I'll have to break up with you.
They are my metamour and while I'm not really interested in having these conversations with them in person I would still like to support my partner in figuring out how to best navigate this situation and educate that person on their options.
Now I'm not entirely sure about what I could recommend. "Ethical Slut" is a bit outdated and way too much about sex in my opinion. "Opening up" seems to be too focused on a couples perspective and could be contra productive. "More than two" appears to be a better option but could also backfire, also I couldn't recommend this book without being transparent about the whole situation with Franklin Veaux and that's a horrible first impression if you ask me. Now the best option in my eyes is "polysecure" but that might be not an entry level book so to say.
Therefore my question: has anyone another good idea?
Thank you so much in advance!
Greetings
Girl in Red
 
Any reason you prefer putting them on to books and not podcasts? Multiamory podcast is also highly recommended.
 
Designer Relationships? It isn't just about poly, but has a lot. More importantly, I like how it really embraces the notion that every relationship is different and should be, but should also be intentional and reflective. Love Polysecure, but I agree that it's high level. Lots of psychology (100 pages on attachment theory before it gets to the poly stuff!).

I'm a bit confused on your quote. Is that a quote your metamour said or their new partner said? Who isn't allowed to fall in love here? Such a bad rule...such a common one....
 
Designer Relationships? It isn't just about poly, but has a lot. More importantly, I like how it really embraces the notion that every relationship is different and should be, but should also be intentional and reflective. Love Polysecure, but I agree that it's high level. Lots of psychology (100 pages on attachment theory before it gets to the poly stuff!).

I'm a bit confused on your quote. Is that a quote your metamour said or their new partner said? Who isn't allowed to fall in love here? Such a bad rule...such a common one....
Thank you for your recommendation. I'll look into it.
Yes, exactly. I was really excited about polysecure when I first read it. It's such a good tool to navigate the relationships in your life. But I'm pretty sure this book would have been too overwhelming at the beginning of my journey.

About the quote: now that you point it out, I can see that the way I wrote this is confusing.
The person that is new to polyamory said this. And it's not meant as a rule (I fully agree that such a rule is bs and I wouldn't like to see something like that in my polycule). The way I understood it they feel like they can't get everything they need emotionally in a polyamorous relationship. So if they fall in love with my partner they would prefer to break up instead of suffering because their needs aren't met.
Basically exactly what polysecure is about. But before that can be read I think it would be useful to give a more detailed overview of non monogamy in general and especially polyamory.
 
Any reason you prefer putting them on to books and not podcasts? Multiamory podcast is also highly recommended.
I'm a big book worm but that's a great idea. It's probably also more accessible. Not everyone enjoys non fictional reading haha.
Thank you so much for that recommendation!
 
If you (or anyone!) find some good podcasts, please post them. I have a long commute and would love some recs!
 
Hi Girl_in_Red,
Here's a list of the poly books I know of:
  • "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino.
  • "More than Two: a practical guide to ethical polyamory," by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert.
  • "Eight Things I Wish I'd Known about Polyamory (before I tried it and frakked it up)," by Cunning Minx.
  • "The Polyamory Toolkit," by Dan and Dawn Williams.
  • "Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: uncommon love and life," by Amy Gahran.
  • "The Ethical Slut: a practical guide to polyamory, open relationships and other adventures," by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.
  • "Sex at Dawn: how we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá.
  • "Polysecure: attachment, trauma and consensual nonmonogamy," by Jessica Fern.
  • "The Polysecure Workbook: healing your attachment and creating security in loving relationships," by Jessica Fern.
  • "Polyamory: the new love without limits," by Deborah Anapol.
  • "Love in Abundance: a counselor's guide to open relationships," by Kathy Labriola.
  • "A Therapist's Guide to Consensual Nonmonogamy: polyamory, swinging, and open marriage," by Rhea Orion.
  • "Polyamory: roadmaps for the clueless and hopeful," by Anthony Ravenscroft.
  • "The Monogamy Myth: a personal handbook for recovering from affairs," by Peggy Vaughan.
  • "Open: love, sex, and life in an open marriage," by Jenny Block.
  • "Designer Relationships," by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson.
  • "The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: everything you need to know about open relationships, nonmonogamy, and alternative love," by Dedeker Winston.
  • "Power Circuits: polyamory in a power dynamic," by Raven Kaldera.
  • "The Polyamorists Next Door: inside multiple-partner relationships and families," by Elisabeth Sheff.
I think "Designer Relationships" is probably your best bet, but I do also find "Sex at Dawn" to be fun, interesting, and insightful.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Hi Girl_in_Red,
Here's a list of the poly books I know of:
  • "Opening Up: a guide to creating and sustaining open relationships," by Tristan Taormino.
  • "More than Two: a practical guide to ethical polyamory," by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert.
  • "Eight Things I Wish I'd Known about Polyamory (before I tried it and frakked it up)," by Cunning Minx.
  • "The Polyamory Toolkit," by Dan and Dawn Williams.
  • "Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: uncommon love and life," by Amy Gahran.
  • "The Ethical Slut: a practical guide to polyamory, open relationships and other adventures," by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.
  • "Sex at Dawn: how we mate, why we stray, and what it means for modern relationships," by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá.
  • "Polysecure: attachment, trauma and consensual nonmonogamy," by Jessica Fern.
  • "The Polysecure Workbook: healing your attachment and creating security in loving relationships," by Jessica Fern.
  • "Polyamory: the new love without limits," by Deborah Anapol.
  • "Love in Abundance: a counselor's guide to open relationships," by Kathy Labriola.
  • "A Therapist's Guide to Consensual Nonmonogamy: polyamory, swinging, and open marriage," by Rhea Orion.
  • "Polyamory: roadmaps for the clueless and hopeful," by Anthony Ravenscroft.
  • "The Monogamy Myth: a personal handbook for recovering from affairs," by Peggy Vaughan.
  • "Open: love, sex, and life in an open marriage," by Jenny Block.
  • "Designer Relationships," by Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson.
  • "The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory: everything you need to know about open relationships, nonmonogamy, and alternative love," by Dedeker Winston.
  • "Power Circuits: polyamory in a power dynamic," by Raven Kaldera.
  • "The Polyamorists Next Door: inside multiple-partner relationships and families," by Elisabeth Sheff.
I think "Designer Relationships" is probably your best bet, but I do also find "Sex at Dawn" to be fun, interesting, and insightful.

Regards,
Kevin T.
Thank you for this big list. I haven't heard of a bunch of these books. I'm definitely going to order some of these for myself as well 😁
I googled Designer Relationship and saw that there is also an audio version on Spotify. That's perfect, this way they can choose if they would rather read or listen.

Thank you all so much ☺️🙏
 
"The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory" might be another good one, but I haven't read it, and haven't heard much about it.

Glad if I could be of some help.
 
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