Hi so I’m fairly new to the poly scene with my partner R of 4 years. we just opened things up about 6 months ago. We both managed to do some research and sit down with some boundaries, rules, etc— one being, as of recent, >no sex in the bed we share. <
Now, R has a separate room as well. They prefer to sleep with me, which isn’t a problem. I enjoy having them in my bed.
I’ve been seeing a new person for about a month and a half now, on about a weekly basis. A bit fast maybe but just dating. This person, we will call them L, visits when R is at work. R works overnight shifts during the weekends and L is off during the weekends so generally it worked for the 3 of us. Unfortunately though our intimacy has been limited to the living room and other common spaces in the apartment.
Going to L’s home instead is a bit out of the question since they live about an hour and a half away and out of state. They also work monday-friday so it’s also very unrealistic. anyway—
So, recently R and I spoke about this boundary, but wanted to wait until they met L in making a decision of them sleeping over. another boundary. They met them, worked out better than I anticipated! They got along famously! perfect!!
Fast forward 24 hours later, prior arrangement with L. I take them home, don’t expect anything, we both are equally tired and I let R know that we’re going into our bed to nap. They’re going to head home later in the evening/morning, but needed to rest before hand.
Well, things for out of hand and L and I become intimate in our bed. We panic about it a bit after the fact, decide to nap it off and we deal with it when we’re more awake.
We nap, I walk them to their car. Still a little panicky, but I’ll deal. I tell R, they’re VERY disappointed, very upset. in their feelings. Every right to be. I apologized, promised I’d do better. offered to do laundry this week to make up for it. Seems like that’s the best i can do right now?
I’m not sure, there’s also a lot going on between R and I where we’re working out some emotional cheating on my end. we’re going through couples therapy to smooth it out but I feel like a bad person here for allowing this boundary to slip.
How else should i hold myself to this boundary and what can i do to be better in the future ?? also how do i help soothe myself and my partner during this hiccup
Now, R has a separate room as well. They prefer to sleep with me, which isn’t a problem. I enjoy having them in my bed.
I’ve been seeing a new person for about a month and a half now, on about a weekly basis. A bit fast maybe but just dating. This person, we will call them L, visits when R is at work. R works overnight shifts during the weekends and L is off during the weekends so generally it worked for the 3 of us. Unfortunately though our intimacy has been limited to the living room and other common spaces in the apartment.
Going to L’s home instead is a bit out of the question since they live about an hour and a half away and out of state. They also work monday-friday so it’s also very unrealistic. anyway—
So, recently R and I spoke about this boundary, but wanted to wait until they met L in making a decision of them sleeping over. another boundary. They met them, worked out better than I anticipated! They got along famously! perfect!!
Fast forward 24 hours later, prior arrangement with L. I take them home, don’t expect anything, we both are equally tired and I let R know that we’re going into our bed to nap. They’re going to head home later in the evening/morning, but needed to rest before hand.
Well, things for out of hand and L and I become intimate in our bed. We panic about it a bit after the fact, decide to nap it off and we deal with it when we’re more awake.
We nap, I walk them to their car. Still a little panicky, but I’ll deal. I tell R, they’re VERY disappointed, very upset. in their feelings. Every right to be. I apologized, promised I’d do better. offered to do laundry this week to make up for it. Seems like that’s the best i can do right now?
I’m not sure, there’s also a lot going on between R and I where we’re working out some emotional cheating on my end. we’re going through couples therapy to smooth it out but I feel like a bad person here for allowing this boundary to slip.
How else should i hold myself to this boundary and what can i do to be better in the future ?? also how do i help soothe myself and my partner during this hiccup
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