Oh my goodness!! I just found this group and message area today because I wanted to find support / advice for this! My primary partner is feeling left out because he does not have a solo partner and I have three. (two local)
He is telling me to limit to one for now. I do not want to do this.
I have been committed nesting partnership with J for over a year. On our first date he told me he is Poly and I had NO idea what it was
.
I learned about ENM and finally felt validated because there was a name for what I have felt since I first fist started dating as a teen! I TRIED monogamous relationships & was married/divorced 3 times.
When J & I first started dating I was in two special friendships (G & D). Flirting, spending time together socially and learning about each other, early dating stuff. They both knew about each other and I did not take it physically any farther than kissing, cuddling at the time because of my recent divorce.
J and I quickly became immersed in each other’s lives when we stared dating and developed a loving relationship… nested. I remained close friends (huggs but no more kissy face) with G & D. All knew about each other and J met them in social situations.
D & J and I actually spend a lot of time together socially through out my whole relationship with J. Camping, kayaking, nude beaches, mud runs, live music, festivals, naked in hot tub… so D & J are good friends too.
Six months ago at one of our hot tub nights at D’s house the three of us started talking about J & I opening up our relationship and what it would look like if D & I became more involved. I was a super happy girl that day!!!!! When weather got cold we moved D’s hot tub to our house.
So J & I opened our relationship. My relationships with G & D where rekindled and are growing closer.
J and I each made accounts online for dating.
I have three partners D, G and K (met on dating app). All relationships are open, honest, and are fulfilling in unique ways.
I spend one or two days a week total with D, G or K.
I continue to have a nurturing, loving relationship with J. We agree we both feel secure, loved and cared for in our primary relationship and make the choice every day to care for each other. We check in with each other regularly and make time for us!!
J has had a few solo dates but does not have a regular partner yet. I do what I can to help him find a partner.
I found local poly group meet up group and took him to event in hopes of him finding a connection. We created joint accounts for swingers and now date together also.
J still feels left out and that it is not fair that I have two local partners and he does not have one yet. G moved to FL recently so now only D & K local.
J wants me to choose to only date one solo partner now because he does not have a solo partner. He feels that it is not fair.
He agrees that our relationship is strong and he feels secure, loved and satisfied with the time we spend together (romantic, sexual, social, family time).
At this time choose to only have one or two solo dates a week to make sure J and I are priority. I am doing what I can to support J in finding partner, prioritize him and our relationship and have even gone out of my comfort zone by swinging with him.
I do not want to have to choose between K or D and even if I did I would still spend the same amount of time (one or two days a week) dating. I do not see the reason to choose one when I would be outside our primary relationship the same amount of time. I want to continue to nourish each relationship and not leave one behind. It is not loving to D or K. As it is we miss each other when not together. And would still like to take a 2 night trip to FL to spend time with G in April during mg spring break from work.
I don’t understand why the number of partners makes a difference when the time away from the primary relationship would be the same. Each relationship provides a unique, special feelings and connection. I do not wish to choose to stop a relationship at this time yet do not want J to feel hurt.
I want freedom to choose and only have veto if one of my other partnerships is a threat or disrespectful of our primary and that is not the case at all. J feels safe and secure that there is not a threat.
Not sure how to proceed. I finally felt free to be me now feeling myself pushing away from J since he requested this a couple days ago because I do not want to be managed/ controlled. I also want to respect my partners. J is so sweet, loving, and accepting of me.
He is telling me to limit to one for now. I do not want to do this.
I have been committed nesting partnership with J for over a year. On our first date he told me he is Poly and I had NO idea what it was

I learned about ENM and finally felt validated because there was a name for what I have felt since I first fist started dating as a teen! I TRIED monogamous relationships & was married/divorced 3 times.
When J & I first started dating I was in two special friendships (G & D). Flirting, spending time together socially and learning about each other, early dating stuff. They both knew about each other and I did not take it physically any farther than kissing, cuddling at the time because of my recent divorce.
J and I quickly became immersed in each other’s lives when we stared dating and developed a loving relationship… nested. I remained close friends (huggs but no more kissy face) with G & D. All knew about each other and J met them in social situations.
D & J and I actually spend a lot of time together socially through out my whole relationship with J. Camping, kayaking, nude beaches, mud runs, live music, festivals, naked in hot tub… so D & J are good friends too.
Six months ago at one of our hot tub nights at D’s house the three of us started talking about J & I opening up our relationship and what it would look like if D & I became more involved. I was a super happy girl that day!!!!! When weather got cold we moved D’s hot tub to our house.
So J & I opened our relationship. My relationships with G & D where rekindled and are growing closer.
J and I each made accounts online for dating.
I have three partners D, G and K (met on dating app). All relationships are open, honest, and are fulfilling in unique ways.
I spend one or two days a week total with D, G or K.
I continue to have a nurturing, loving relationship with J. We agree we both feel secure, loved and cared for in our primary relationship and make the choice every day to care for each other. We check in with each other regularly and make time for us!!
J has had a few solo dates but does not have a regular partner yet. I do what I can to help him find a partner.
I found local poly group meet up group and took him to event in hopes of him finding a connection. We created joint accounts for swingers and now date together also.
J still feels left out and that it is not fair that I have two local partners and he does not have one yet. G moved to FL recently so now only D & K local.
J wants me to choose to only date one solo partner now because he does not have a solo partner. He feels that it is not fair.
He agrees that our relationship is strong and he feels secure, loved and satisfied with the time we spend together (romantic, sexual, social, family time).
At this time choose to only have one or two solo dates a week to make sure J and I are priority. I am doing what I can to support J in finding partner, prioritize him and our relationship and have even gone out of my comfort zone by swinging with him.
I do not want to have to choose between K or D and even if I did I would still spend the same amount of time (one or two days a week) dating. I do not see the reason to choose one when I would be outside our primary relationship the same amount of time. I want to continue to nourish each relationship and not leave one behind. It is not loving to D or K. As it is we miss each other when not together. And would still like to take a 2 night trip to FL to spend time with G in April during mg spring break from work.
I don’t understand why the number of partners makes a difference when the time away from the primary relationship would be the same. Each relationship provides a unique, special feelings and connection. I do not wish to choose to stop a relationship at this time yet do not want J to feel hurt.
I want freedom to choose and only have veto if one of my other partnerships is a threat or disrespectful of our primary and that is not the case at all. J feels safe and secure that there is not a threat.
Not sure how to proceed. I finally felt free to be me now feeling myself pushing away from J since he requested this a couple days ago because I do not want to be managed/ controlled. I also want to respect my partners. J is so sweet, loving, and accepting of me.
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