RosesAreRainbow
Member
I met and married my spouse several years ago. We met through a dating app where I was "out" as poly and I was in a poly relationship with another couple. That relationship with them ended for reasons not related to me and my spouse. My spouse does not identify as poly but was fine with me being poly when we met.
I was monogamous with my spouse for these several years but recently started a poly relationship. I was ethical, did not do anything behind anyone's back. Spouse was at first threatened by me starting a relationship. Then spouse accepted and even supported it as part of my sexuality-- but didn't want the new partner anywhere near our home and only wanted me to have once a week visits.
I pushed back for twice a week which is working out well, and I think that's where it will stay.
The poly partner lives quite a distance away. I would like poly partner to stay at our home overnight sometimes for convenience and to show them my home. The partner and I would spend time in my office, not my spousal bedroom.
My spouse is saying no way, the partner cannot come into our home. The spouse and partner have met at a public event. My spouse agrees that my partner is a safe, decent, nice person.
Here's how I feel-- it's my home, too. And I have a right to invite whomever I want over. I have a right to invite anyone into my personal office. I have always been very discrete with relationships, and my affections are only in private with both spouse and partner.
If it were a casual friend of mine, my spouse would not have the right to tell me I couldn't have my friend(s) over, nor would my spouse object to inviting friends over. I feel that my spouse is currently being very controllling. But . . I also don't want to disrespect my spouse's feelings.
I would appreciate advice and perspectives.
I was monogamous with my spouse for these several years but recently started a poly relationship. I was ethical, did not do anything behind anyone's back. Spouse was at first threatened by me starting a relationship. Then spouse accepted and even supported it as part of my sexuality-- but didn't want the new partner anywhere near our home and only wanted me to have once a week visits.
I pushed back for twice a week which is working out well, and I think that's where it will stay.
The poly partner lives quite a distance away. I would like poly partner to stay at our home overnight sometimes for convenience and to show them my home. The partner and I would spend time in my office, not my spousal bedroom.
My spouse is saying no way, the partner cannot come into our home. The spouse and partner have met at a public event. My spouse agrees that my partner is a safe, decent, nice person.
Here's how I feel-- it's my home, too. And I have a right to invite whomever I want over. I have a right to invite anyone into my personal office. I have always been very discrete with relationships, and my affections are only in private with both spouse and partner.
If it were a casual friend of mine, my spouse would not have the right to tell me I couldn't have my friend(s) over, nor would my spouse object to inviting friends over. I feel that my spouse is currently being very controllling. But . . I also don't want to disrespect my spouse's feelings.
I would appreciate advice and perspectives.