Couples

davidisfun67

davidisfun67

Member
Hi everyone. I have been seeing lots of polyamory married couples that only want to add another wife or lover. So my question is do couples ever pick another man or men to be added to their relationship?
 
Hardly ever since it is far more socially acceptable/male fantasy based for women to be bi than it is for men. Couples seeking assume they will form a triad where everyone loves and has sex with each other. So it's not that often that a man will venture down that path with another guy.

On the other hand, it's really quite common that a woman can be a hinge between two guys. The guys wouldn't be more than friends and not expected to all play happy families under one roof, unlike the couples who want a women envision as their end goal.
 
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I can see where this can be true. Aren't most women looking for a couple of protective men that can take care of all her needs. Maybe one man can be there one way and another the other so she feels loved even more.
 
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Hahaha, no. Most women are looking for one guy.

As for poly women, I don't think the motivation is around feeling more loved or protected. Polyamory is hard work. Being a hinge between two men, such as the woman it sounds like you are describing, is. hard. work.

I am a hinge. Bottom line is that I prefer people to hobbies. And I prefer men's company to women's. And I prefer the option to have sexual/romantic relationships with said men to being restricted in how I interact with men.

And once in a while I meet a man who I want to get to know intimately. Two of those men I have fallen so completely in love with that I intend to spend the rest of my life with them. Separately (not same house), differently, but not because I'm doing "jigsaw poly" - filling *my* different needs with different people. But because they are both quite different kinds of people with different interests and it's simply natural that I do different things with them, just like I would with any other people in my life.
 
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Hi davidisfun67,

I am in an MFM V where I am the "third," while the other two are an MF married couple. So it can happen. I do have to acknowledge that the notion is widespread that polyamory means a male/female couple adding a female third to their marriage/relationship. It's not true, but it's what the general population thinks. You'll have to wade through a lot of that, I'm sorry to be giving you that bad news.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Thank you both of your input helps. I hope to have the same loving relationship as you both have. I hope to find a couple that can accept me and want to bring me in to their lifestyle
 
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Do you want to be intimate with both of them? Are you bi?
 
When couples looks for a woman to "share" it's often called Unicorn hunting (because that woman who wants to be a with a couple is pretty rare). The male equivalent is sometimes called a Pegasus . You could use that in any dating profiles you have, or use it as a conversation starter or search term when you are trying to find a couple who wants that configuration. You are that even rarer Pegasus.
 
davidisfun67 said:
Hi everyone. I have been seeing lots of polyamory married couples that only want to add another wife or lover. So my question is do couples ever pick another man or men to be added to their relationship?
Click to expand...
Please check out our Golden Nuggets for more info on the difference between Vs and triads. (Triad is a better term than throuple, in many poly people's opinion, since "throuple" is related to "couple," the monogamous norm, which is playing into that model.)


www.readyforpolyamory.com

Triad or V - What's More Complicated?

I get a lot of people new to polyamory insisting that they must date together, or meet people together, because it "will be less complicated." I see this in comments on social media, on dating app profiles, on couple's profiles on social media (that black and red one that starts with an F...
www.readyforpolyamory.com www.readyforpolyamory.com

I don't care for the idea of a couple "adding a third to our relationship," since it negates the idea that there are 4 relationships in a triad. It's not a couple+1. There is

A+B
B+C
A+C

And then all three of you.

Each dyad needs its own time and space to be nurtured and to grow and thrive. Often couples new to poly don't get this, and set all these predetermined rules on their "third," which the third themselves doesn't have a chance to discuss and contribute to! That can make the third seem or feel like a second-class citizen, no matter how hard the couple tries to "make things equal."

The rights of a "secondary":


Hope that helps! :)
 
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We're happy to share. Just let us know what your questions are.
 
There's a poly saying, "First year forming, second year storming, third year norming." It means that it's hard for most people at first. I experienced this; my first few years in this V were hard. We just persevered and gradually things got easier.
 
davidisfun67 said:
Hi everyone. I have been seeing lots of polyamory married couples that only want to add another wife or lover. So my question is do couples ever pick another man or men to be added to their relationship?
Click to expand...
Yes, we added a guy to our relationship. For the past three years, my wife will go on a date about once a month with him. He’ll come over for a barbecue, and then I watch them have wild sex. We go out in public, the three of us together. We’ve done the topless pool in Las Vegas and we all three love it! My wife’s boyfriend is hung like a horse and my wife loves that! Unfortunately, because of his career, he is moving to the East Coast. So we are looking for a new boyfriend for her.
 
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